Chapter 4
Gavin
Inresponse,Igrip her hand tighter. It's a silent plea to stay here and not leave me with what I'm about to say. She'd have every right to walk away and never look back. I did it to her, but if she only knew how many times I’ve looked back and wished things had gone differently.
I tell her as close to the truth as I can."In all honesty, I was insecure. You were going to a new school and meeting new people. I didn't want to sit around wondering if the next phone call or letter would be the one where you broke up with me because you met someone there. It would’ve killed me and our relationship."
"So, you couldn't do the long distance? And you thought that little of me? Of us?"
That's what it boils down to, isn't it? I didn't think she'd wait for me while she was out meeting all those great new people. No matter how hard I tried, I never thought I was good enough for her.
"I thought the world of you and knew others would see how great you were. I’d only see you once in a while, and I knew how easy it would be for someone else to sweep you off your feet. So, in short, yeah, I couldn't do the long distance, and that was on me."
"Yet you were the one who chose to leave. I was willing to do the long-distance thing. I wanted to because I wanted you. There never was anyone else."
She removes her hand from mine, and I sit there, unsure what to say or do. But one thought keeps running through my head.
After all these years, there had to be someone else. She was in a new school meeting new people, while I was primarily surrounded by guys at boot camp and training. Let's not even mention the deployments.
Even though she claims there wasn't anyone else, there’s no way she hasn't dated. Not dating was easy for me. I buried myself in my job and training, advancing my rank quickly. But it was a lonely ride.
How many times did I get off work and wish I was going home to her? One of the guys would invite me for dinner, and their girl would cook, and I wished I had that with Lauren.
The swing moves, jolting me from my thoughts. I reach for Lauren, but she's no longer there."What are you thinking?" I ask, not sure what to say.
"I’ve had theories about why you broke things off over the years. Mostly I thought you wanted to be free for the barrack bunnies."
I chuckle, then let out a full belly laugh.
"What’s so funny?" she asks, and I can tell she is standing right in front of me.
Reaching for her, I rest my hand on her waist. She lets me, but she's tense, so I place my other hand on her waist and pull her to stand between my legs.
"I wouldn't touch one of them with a twenty-foot pole, baby. If you saw them, you’d understand why. But I'm sure there was a line of guys asking you out over the years. I'm sure you’ve only grown more beautiful."
Her hips have a little more meat to them, and fuck, I’d love to be able to see her. She was beautiful back when we were dating, but Lauren as a woman with curves? She has to be drop-dead gorgeous.
She sighs, and her body relaxes. At least she isn't walking away. She moves to sit down beside me again with her side pressing against mine. Instantly, I miss having my hands on her, but I'll take any connection with her.
"I tried to move past you,” she says. “I swear I did, but it wasn't that easy. Throughout school, I worked my ass off, and when I wasn't in school, I had a job, and there wasn't time to date. Not that I was interested. I couldn't get over you. When I finally went on a few first dates, I compared them to you, and they were horrible. And now here you are."
I sit there completely stunned. I always pictured Lauren happy with some guy. It hurt like hell, but I wanted her to enjoy life, even if it wasn’t with me. I thought she’d be in a serious relationship, possibly married, by now. It's been what? Seven years?
"What do you look like now?" I ask, thinking out loud.
"Much the same. A few stress wrinkles, I guess. I've put on a bit of weight, freshman fifteen, probably. My hair is longer and has darkened since I'm not out in the sun all the time. While I'm working, it's easier for me to put it up. I don't have my tan anymore and don't paint my nails."
When we were together, she was outside any time she could. She loved to swim and always had a tan. I loved to trace those tan lines. Her hair was a sun-kissed blonde, and she kept it short at her shoulders.
She wore this light pink lip gloss that made her look like she should be on the cover of a magazine instead of on my arm. I kissed her every chance I got because she always tasted like cherries. She’d reapply the lip gloss, and I’d have the urge to kiss it off her again.
I try to picture her now as she described herself.
"You sound as beautiful as ever. Even more so. You still wearing that pink lip gloss?"
She laughs. "Nope, mostly just a chapstick girl now."
"I'd give anything to see you right now." Without meaning to, I whisper it out loud.