Epilogue
Logan
Iusedtolove the wind in my face, my hair blowing in the breeze, and the freedom the birds have way up in the sky. It's a big part of why I wanted to become a pilot. But I never thought I would see a day where the wind in my face makes me resent everything I used to love.
The day I got my wings was one of the happiest of my life. Up in the air, my troubles and everything down on the ground faded away. Even training was fun. No matter how hard my commanding officer was on me, I enjoyed my training. All that mattered was flying. I worked my butt off to be a great pilot.
But the training never prepares you for what it's like to be under enemy fire or for the moment gunfire streaks past your head, missing you by a fraction of an inch.
The first time I was under fire, I held my own. Even then, you're not prepared for the next time it happens, and the second time I wasn't so lucky.
I barely got out with my life. Not too far from me on the ground, I watched my plane go up in flames, my best friend burning alive inside. I thought I wasn’t getting out of there alive and made peace with it before my world went dark.
I never thought I'd wake up in a medical center in Germany. Some days, I wish I hadn't woken up at all because having a life without a voice is as bad as losing my life altogether.
Life has confined me to writing everything on a whiteboard because I’ve lost the ability to speak. When the people around you aren't patient enough to wait for you to write a response, they get frustrated and aren't afraid to show it.
Having my voice taken away from me has made me less of a person.
Today, with the wind in my face on the drive to a place called Oakside, I wonder if this is my new life, passed off from one facility to another until they get tired of me. After all, the hospital couldn't help me. How will a rehab facility help me? Sure, the hospital healed my physical wounds. The burns, the open cuts, and my broken leg. But they can't give me my voice back. Though everyone at the hospital sings the praises of Oakside, and the people here say they'll help me get my life back.
I've come to resent the term “get my life back” because my life is over. I've been medically and honorably discharged from the military. No more flying. Everything I've ever wanted is gone. I can no longer speak and have few ways to communicate. Most of the time, it's easier not to try.
The van pulls into what looks like an old plantation home, and a few nurses come out to join us, helping with the other soldier being transported with me. He's in a wheelchair after losing both of his legs. He seems as thrilled as I am to be here, and I want to tell him I’d switch positions with him in a minute. I would rather have lost my legs than my ability to communicate with the world.
As I stand outside Oakside, a couple walks up to me. The woman has blonde hair and a huge smile, and the man, who I assume is her husband judging by the arm wrapped around her waist, has scars on one side of his face. They stop in front of me, and the man offers his hand.
"You must be Logan. My name is Noah, and this is my wife, Lexi. Together, we run Oakside."
I nod and shake his hand, looking to the back of the van where the rest of my stuff is.
"Don’t worry. We have someone taking your stuff to your room. Why don't you come with us? We'll give you a brief tour. Are you up for that?" Lexi asks.
I nod and follow them into the building. The large lobby is homely, almost as if you're at a resort instead of a rehab facility. Lexi shows me the wing where all my meals will be served, a library with computers, a small lounge space, and the PT and gym area before we head back to the lobby.
"Your room is on the second floor. Are you okay taking the stairs, or would you rather take the elevator?" Noah seems slightly apologetic it's not a yes or no question.
Holding up the small notepad in my hand, I quickly write elevator, and he nods, showing me where it's located.
Once in my room, I have to admit it’s a heck of a lot nicer than at the hospital. They look more like a bed-and-breakfast with a private bathroom, a little living room area with a couch, two chairs, a TV, and even a little desk on the opposite side of the room. At least I'll have more space than I thought. Maybe being transferred out here isn't such a bad idea.
There's a knock at the door, and when I turn to see who it is, the most beautiful woman I've ever seen is standing there. She’s in a pretty sundress with a brilliant smile on her gorgeous face.
"You must be Logan. My name is Faith. I wanted to check in and say hi. I'll be teaching you ASL and how to get along out in the world again. We don't officially start until next week as we wanted to give you time to get settled, but I wanted to say hello before I left."
Even if I could speak, I don't think I would be able to say a word. She’s knocked all the air from my lungs, so I nod and raise my hand in a hollow gesture. I offer what I hope is a friendly smile, but there hasn't been much smiling lately, so it may look like more of a snarl or scowl.
Faith looks over to Lexi and Noah, and I study her while they have a brief conversation. She's the type of beautiful I would never have had the courage to pursue before I lost my voice. But it looks like I'm going to be spending a lot of time with her, so at least she's easy on the eyes.
But I don't hold out hope that she'll be able to help me. I'm far too damaged.
But she’ll figure that out soon enough.