I like that she’s thinking of me. There will be less people in the park. I nod, and a few minutes later, we’re eating.
"So, I told you about school. Talk to me about boot camp and your deployments. Whatever you feel comfortable talking about."
I had a feeling this was coming. Of course, she'd have questions, but I don't know how far to go. Ultimately, I decide to stick to the safe topics about how boot camp was different than I expected. I tell her about my training and the people I met along the way. I tell her about the shock of that first deployment. We’re like two old friends filling in the gaps from the last time we saw each other, and it's a very relaxed lunch. Once we’re done eating, Lauren heads back to Oakside, and I roll down the car window. It’s a hot Georgia summer, but I want to feel the wind on my face.
We don't speak on the drive back, but I can tell she's driving slower, probably to let me enjoy the last little bit of freedom before going back in.
Once back, Lauren helps me to my room. It’s as if neither of us is ready for the day to end. I've always enjoyed spending time with her, and that hasn't changed.
"Would you like me to help you get set up with some audiobooks?" Lauren asks.
I nod. I like to listen to them when I can’t sleep, so I've already gone through the ones Noah uploaded for me.
Sitting on the couch, we go over the different options, and Lauren downloads several audiobooks for me. While we both love to read, we could never agree on what. Lauren’s tastes were very different from mine, yet our love of reading gave us some of my favorite dates, lying by the lake on a nice day and reading together snuggled up on a blanket underneath the big tree. Those are the simple moments I miss the most.
"Thank you for today. It was great to get out of here for a little while."
"It was great talking with you. It was a lot like the dates we went on."
"Yeah. Although for it to be a real date, we’d have a goodnight kiss." I say it to be flirty, trying to keep the mood light.
Lauren doesn't say anything, but her breathing picks up. She rests her hand on my arm, and I feel her moving into me. Without thinking, I lean in and kiss her. She wraps her arms around my neck, and I wrap mine around her waist, pulling her into me.
It's like no time has passed between us. Knowing what she likes and how to get those sexy as hell soft moans from her is easy. I gently tilt her neck, which allows me to kiss all my favorite places on her neck, and lightly run my hands up her back.
I'm rewarded with one of those moans I crave, but it's quickly followed by her pulling away.
My mind starts up again with a million reasons why she would pull away."Are you seeing anyone?" I ask the most obvious one.
She shakes her head before regaining her composure."No, I'm not seeing anyone. There hasn't been anyone but you, Gavin."
Her admission sucks the air from my lungs. It would almost be easier if she had been with someone. At least I’d know I made the right choice in breaking up with her. It would mean she found happiness.
"There hasn't been anyone else for me either, Lauren. It's always been you, and it always will be."
Her breathing quickens, but she doesn't say anything. It’s as if I can hear the wheels turning in her head, and once her mind gets involved, I know what the answer will be. But that doesn't mean I'm ready to hear it.
"We can't do this, Gavin. You're my patient, and it needs to stay that way. No more kisses. We simply can't do this."
It’s true I'm Lauren’s patient, but my gut tells me it’s not the real or only reason she’s pushing me away. But now isn't the time to force the issue. If I push too hard, I'll lose her, and that's not an option.
As we say our goodbyes, she promises she'll see me tomorrow. After she leaves, I lie down on my bed and start thinking everything over from today.
I can still taste her on my lips and feel her in my arms. She deserves so much better than me, but hell if I can let her go. The thought of her with anyone else gets to me.
She doesn't treat me as if I'm disabled or if there's anything wrong with me. I think back to getting into the car earlier. If I needed her, she was there, but she expected me to do it myself. A few weeks ago, that would have frustrated me beyond belief, but it's exactly what I need.
This little glimpse of how things could be between us is enough to confirm I'm not walking away from her.
One little taste will never be enough.