Chapter 9
Lauren
WhenGavinandI were dating, I got butterflies in my stomach on the way to school in anticipation of seeing him and spending time with him. Looking back, I thought it was a schoolgirl crush.
Every day on my way to Oakside to see Gavin, I get those same butterflies. Like today, as I’m on the road thinking about seeing him, the butterflies are in full force, not giving me a break. I have something new to teach him today, and I can't wait to see him master this like he's excelled at everything else I've thrown at him.
Since we talked about not holding back, he's taken it to heart. He has days where he doesn't want to push himself as hard as others, but mostly, he's kicking ass and taking names, and I'm so proud of him.
At night when I think about it, part of me secretly hopes he's pushing himself to be done with treatment faster so we can have a chance together. It's a silly fantasy because everything will change once he learns about Graham and all the secrets.He'll have every right to be mad, and in a way, he should be. He's missed out on the first six years of his son’s life. So many things he won't get back, and it makes me want to cry. But part of me still holds out hope.
Part of me is glad he can't catch me staring at him or the goofy smile on my face as I watch him conquer something he couldn't do the day before. If he could see me looking at him like that, it would be a lot harder to keep him at arm's length.
Once I get to his room, I knock on his door frame, and his head turns toward the sound.
"You ready for me?" I ask and then realize how it sounds, especially with our history.
I'm waiting for the quick comeback he always used to have, but he says nothing as he stands.
"Let's sit on the couch and go over the plan for today," I tell him, not moving from the doorway.
He nods and walks toward the couch. Standing there, I watch him, realizing how much progress he’s made. He navigates his room with no problem, and his confidence in doing so is helping in other areas.
Once he sits down, I join him, sitting at the other end of the couch and leaving a cushion of space between us. He frowns at the distance between us.
"How's your training with Paisley going?" I ask, trying to break the ice.
"Good. She thinks I'll be ready to have Gem full time in a few weeks if you sign off on it."
"Do you think you are ready for that?"
There might be some hiccups along the way, but I think he's ready. More importantly, we want to set him up with Gem here at Oakside, where he’ll have people around to help.
"I like to think I’m ready. It'll be nice to have her around and not be alone. Another set of eyes would be handy, too."
His vulnerability breaks my heart. "I’ll let Paisley know we're moving forward with getting Gem with you full time."
That information seems to perk up him up. "That would be great, Lauren. Thank you."
His sincerity causes tears to sting my eyes. I want to scoot over, pull him into my arms, and tell him everything will be okay. But no matter how badly I want to, I can't make that move and can't go there.
Clearing my throat, I begin again. "There are so many things available today that will be a huge help to you. After discussing it with Lexi and Noah, they agree, so we're getting you a phone as part of your plan here at Oakside. "I reach for his hand and place the phone in it. In that brief contact, those same sparks are still there, the ones I’ve been fighting to forget for days.
When he doesn't pull his hand away, I quickly withdraw mine, putting distance between us again.
I still haven't made up my mind about him and Graham. Mainly because it will turn Graham’s life upside down, and I simply don’t know the best way of going about this. Until I tell Gavin about Graham, there’s no way anything can progress with us. Not that it would be appropriate for anything to happen with him being my patient.
"The smartphones all have some kind of assistant, the most popular being Siri. I want to teach youabout that feature, so Siri can help you because she’s going to be your best friend."
"Not possible because you already hold that title no matter how many walls you keep trying to put up between us," Gavin says.
His words shake me to my core. We started as friends, which is why we worked together so well together, but we evolved into something more.
I'm sure he's made new friends after all these years. There's no way I still hold that title in his life. He's saying it to be nice.
"I can almost hear the wheels turning in your head. Yes, I made friends in the service, but you've always held that title for me because no one knows me the way you do."
There's a moment of awkward silence between us. I’m trying to keep things professional. I know I should say something, but I have no idea what.