Chapter 6
Gavin
Ican’tstopthinking about Lauren. She’s been in my head since she left the other day. Her smell, her voice, and her soft skin and silky hair. I try to merge that with the girl I was head over heels in love with all those years ago. She was the best part of my world. I was a kid from the wrong side of the tracks with nothing—but I had Lauren.
She was my reason for getting up every day, for going to school, and doing the right thing. She never saw me as inferior, and I was happy to be her protector. I didn’t know what love was until she came into my life. When she looked at me with love in her eyes, I was ten feet tall.
I'm sure her feelings for me have faded after all these years, but even if they haven’t, I'll never see the love in her eyes again, which kills me. I’ll never see anything.
Tears run down my face and I wipe them away. What an idiot I am. She doesn't want someone like me. I'm damaged goods, and she doesn't need to be saddled with someone she has to take care of for the rest of her life.
It’s a nice change of pace to be able to focus on her instead of everything I’ve lost, which is what normally fills my thoughts. My usual anger isn’t there today.
"You okay?" Noah's voice startles me because I didn't hear him at my door.
I try to refocus my thoughts on the Braille board in front of me. I'm supposed to learn the letters, but these dots all feel the same to me. If I can't do something simple like figure out Braille, how will I be worthy of someone as amazing as Lauren?
"It's all sunshine and rainbows. Can't you tell?" I grumble.
I hear his footsteps move into the room and the leather creaking as he sits in the chair next to me. I lean back on the couch, resigned to the fact he isn't going to leave me alone.
Since Noah and his wife Lexi own this place, he makes it a point to get to know every patient who comes through these doors. He told me his story about how he was badly burned and almost gave up. Then in walks his unit leader's sister, Lexi, and she wouldn't let him give up. She fell for him, nasty scars and all. We aren't all lucky enough to get our own Lexi, but I’m grateful for this place. It's miles better than the hospital. Too many sounds there that made it overwhelming.
I can close my door here, have some quiet, and not have to focus too hard on my senses. It's difficult and overwhelming. I took for granted how much I depended on my sight in everyday life. Everyone says it will take time, which is the one thing I have in abundance.
"You going to sit there until I talk, or do you have something to say?" I snap at Noah.
This isn't his fault, and I know it. But he's here, and even though I barely know him, I feel safe, and that allows me to express my feelings, good or bad.
Noah sighs and pulls the Braille board from my hands. "I don't doubt this is important, but it's also complicated. With technology how it is now, it's not as important as it used to be. What you should focus on are life skills. Go make us some coffee."
I sit there, stunned. "What?"
"I know you like to read, but there are more audio than Braille books now. I brought you a few I think you’ll like. I loaded them on a tablet with headphones. It’s voice-activated, so you only need to ask it to play an audiobook, and it will read titles until you pick one. It's on the coffee table."
"But Lauren wants me to learn this."
"And you will, but it's like learning a new language, and it's going to take time. No way you can master that shit in a week. Now coffee, you can master in a week."
Finally, I take the hint, get up and head over to the counter. Feeling my way around, I clumsily attempt to make us some coffee, which isn't as hard as I thought.
Once it's brewing, I turn back to Noah."How much of a mess did I make?"
He stands, joins me, and is quiet for a moment before speaking."Well, there are a good amount of grounds on the counter, so let’s wait and see how it tastes. Go sit down. I’ll bring you a cup."
He waits by the counter and chuckles to himself."The small things were the hardest to relearn. You build your own way of doing things to make it faster. But when you have to relearn things, you need to learn to do them properly. For me, it was things like tying my shoes and getting dressed again," Noah says, carefully handing me a cup of coffee before sitting.
"I was never so excited to tie my shoes than that first time after my accident," I agree.
"So, what has you all upset?" Noah asks calmly.
"Lauren," I grunt.I don't know how else to describe what is going on in my head, but it starts and ends with Lauren.
"She told me you two knew each other."
"It was more than that. She's the love of my life, the girl I left behind when I joined the Army and never forgot."
"Do you still love her?"