“Or you can text us,” Lizzy adds.
The “us” is almost enough to make my already knotted stomach heave, so I just nod.
They bid me goodnight and I head up the stairs and to my room. I strip down to my boxers and slip between the sheets, closing my eyes. I can hear the television come back to life, and if the two of them are talking, it’s not loud enough to be heard over the drone of the show.
I feel like a fucking coward, but I hadn’t expected the sight of them together to tear me open like this. It was like all the feelings I’d been suppressing for Trent all these years were flooding back, full force.
And then Lizzy. I thought I’d gotten over whatever I felt for her when she moved away, even if our running group text still gave me those little twinges in my chest. But now she’s here again, but it feels like she’s farther away from me than ever.
I ball my fists into my eyes and let out a sigh of frustration. Maybe I should have said no when Trent asked me. Maybe I can’t be ok with this.
But can I be responsible for taking that happiness away from them? The immediate stab of guilt in my gut tells me that no, I can’t. I saw the way they looked at each other, and even if it makes my heart feel like it’s going to shatter, I can’t be the one to take that away.
In spite of that, however, I don’t know what I’m going to do. Maybe for their best chance at happiness, the two of them would be better off without me in the picture.
I open an apartment-finder website on my phone and start to browse.