Part of me wants to ask why, but that closure just comes at too high a cost, and I can’t bring myself to pay it. So instead, I leave, locking the door behind me and walking away from the best thing that had ever happened to me.
The best job, the best relationship…I think some naïve part of me had thought this was my happy ending.
Now, I’m single, and unlike any breakup I’ve ever had, this time my heart is breaking three times over. It’s breaking both for Dustin and for Rudy, but also for little Brianna. I’d gotten hopelessly attached to the little girl, and the idea of losing her is an added layer of grief on top of the rest of the heartbreak.
And the cherry on top of the shit sundae is the looming specter of my rent coming due soon. My landlady isn’t exactly known for being forgiving, and my lack of rental history had left her hesitant to rent to me to begin with.
So I’ve lost my relationship, my job, and possibly my home next. I sigh and rest a hand over my belly, looking down. “Not off to the best start here, are we, kiddo?”
Chapter Nine
Dustin
“Thanks, Tracey, see you tomorrow,” I say, trying to sound less apathetic than I feel.
It’s not the new babysitter’s fault that I’m feeling so empty inside. But ever since Rudy and I found that damn note on the counter, I’ve just felt…hollow.
The sitter lets herself out. Brie is sitting in front of the television watchingOctonauts, but I’ve never seen her looking less invested. She looks up at me. “Daddy, when’s Ava coming back?” she asks.
It feels like rubbing salt right into the open wound. Or maybe just pouring some acid directly into it. Whatever it is, it hurts like hell to hear my little girl asking for the woman who’d run out on us.
I didn’t understand it. Everything had been great, as far as I knew. Hell, Rudy and I had spent all morning that Saturday trying to build a new, custom-ordered bed frame, extra-large to accommodate the three of us and make room for poor Ava, who had a tendency to sleep on the very edge of the bed.
But then we’d come out and found her key and that note, no explanation…and now she was just gone. And I didn’t know how to make Brianna understand that.
“Sweetie, I’m sorry, but Ava…Ava’s not your nanny anymore.”
“But I like her,” she protests.
And I wish it were that easy, that her affection was enough to keep the people she loved around her. “I know, Princess, I do, too. But sometimes even if we like people, they just aren’t meant to be part of our lives.”
“Was I bad? Did she leave because she doesn’t like me anymore?” she asked, her little brown eyes welling up.
“Oh, sweetheart,” I scooped my little girl into my arms and cradled her to my chest, fighting off tears of my own, “Of course not. Of course she still likes you.”
She sniffles. “So why won’t she come play with me anymore?”
I’m a dad. I’m supposed to have all the answers, “I don’t know” isn’t supposed to be part of my vocabulary. But I have no idea how to answer this.
Mercifully, the front door opens, and at the very least, I’m gifted the chance to stall for time. Rudy walks in through the front door, looking as depressed as I’m feeling. “Hey, babe, how was work?” I ask.
“It was fine. What’s going on?” he asks, noticing Brie’s tear-stained cheeks.
I take a deep breath. “Brie was just asking me why Ava won’t come play with her anymore.”
Rudy’s already sorrowful face darkens. “Maybe we need to find that out for ourselves,” he says after a long pause.
I look at him in surprise. My first instinct had been to go after her, to chase her down and demand she at least tell us why, but Rudy had been the one to stop me, telling me to let her cool down. I don’t think he was really expecting her to stay away, but it’s been almost a week.
“Will it really do any good?” I ask.
“I don’t know, but I have to do something,” he sighs, “I can’t live like this, wondering what the hell we did wrong. And look at us, all of us, we’re all miserable without her. Maybe…I don’t know, maybe there’s still a chance to work this out.”
It’s not much, but I feel a tiny ember of hope blazing in my chest. So I nod. “I’ll call Elaine, see if she can watch Brie for a few hours?” I suggest.
He nods, and while my sister isn’t exactly a replacement, the excitement of Auntie Elaine’s house is at least enough to pull Brie out of her mope a little.
So once we’ve gotten her all squared away with my sister, the two of us head off to Ava’s apartment in the hopes of getting some answers, at the very least, and with any luck, maybe getting our girl back.