I’m broken. Even more broken than I was when Luca left me at Chapultepec. I feel anger and pain. In a way, maybe my dream was a sign. Letting me know that I would soon fall apart. It could be the years of not wanting to confront my mother’s abrupt death or the mommy and daddy issues that I grasp onto but never address.
Everything I knew was a lie.
I ran out of my house as soon as I heard those words come out of León’s mouth. Grabbing my suitcase and Luca’s in hand, I left and grabbed a taxi. I didn’t care if we couldn’t catch a flight. All I could do was run as far away as possible.
Luck was on my side, and we booked a flight to Mexico City within ten minutes of arriving at the airport. Ever since we arrived home, Luca and I haven’t gotten out of my bed. I don’t want to.
We just lay here while he holds me. I have never loved a man more than I do him. I’ve concluded that he isn’t real.
“Ragazza,”he says, against my hair that I haven’t washed in five days. “Hmm,” I respond, with my head up against my pillow.
“You have to take a shower. I’ll help you if you want.”
“Nope.”
“Please, do this for me,” he whispers, pleading. I take a breath and open my eyes, being greeted with darkness. Getting up slowly, my whole body aches.
“I’m only doing this because you asked me to.” I can hear his smile as he walks up to turn the light on. I was hoping for a warning, but the bright bulbs flick on in seconds, and I cover my eyes dramatically. My eyes adapt to the light slowly until I see him reach his hand out. I take it and we walk into the bathroom together.
I turn towards the mirror, looking at an aged Ale. I don’t even recognize myself. The young me who was full of life is drained.
“You look beautiful. Don’t stare at yourself like that. I hate it.” He comes up behind me, kissing my neck. Luca turns on the shower, and I thoughtlessly take my clothes off before I jump in.
Luca walks up behind me, still clad in his sweatpants, and grabs the shampoo, pouring it into his hands before massaging my scalp. I groan.Why does this feel so good?Pushing me gently under the water, the soap drips off me. He repeats this until I’m clean. Grabbing a towel, he wraps it around my body. He moves us towards the sink, reaching over to grab my toothbrush. He takes the toothpaste and preps it for me.
“Here.” Handing me the toothbrush, I turn the sink on so I can coat the paste with water before I put it in my mouth.
He walks out, and I hear rustling before he comes back in. Spitting all the residue into the sink, I turn on the faucet again so that it can glide down the drain.
“I picked out some new clothes for you to wear.” He drops them in front of me. I look at him and start tearing up.
“I love you,” I say suddenly.
“I love you too,ragazza.” His smile is somber but genuine as I hug him
“Why does this always happen to me?” I breathe out against his chest. “I hate seeing you like this. It feels like someone has stabbed me in the chest.” I start bawling, and he holds me like I’m going to slip out of his arms.
After a few seconds, I see red and start screaming. My hands reciprocate my feelings. I don’t want to, but I can’t help it. I start hitting his chest, each swing getting more forceful. It’s like I’ve been possessed. He takes them all, being my punching bag for a few minutes until I calm down. I stop, then fall down onto the floor. He follows me while holding me in his arms. Wiping away my tears, I look up at him.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter.
“Why in the ever-living fuck would you be sorry?” He brushes away a straggling tear running down my face.
“Because I just hit you.” I hiccup, and he just stares at me. “I would take all your pain. I would take it without a second thought. But that’s not possible. All I can do is let you cry and scream. If that’s directed at me, I’ll accept it with welcoming arms. Your pain is my pain.”
I get up and slip out of his arms, putting on the clothes he brought in for me. One of the articles of clothing is his hoodie, my favorite.
“I don’t want to leave you like this. But I have something to do today,” he tells me while I’m getting dressed, disrupting the silence around us.
“Don’t worry. I know you have stuff to do; it’s important.” He grabs my head with both hands on either side. “Hey, nothing is more important than you. But this is urgent for the team, which impacts you as well.” I nod.
“I’m going to take a shower and you’re going to watch the next episodes ofThe Circlethat you wanted to watch.” He kisses my forehead.
“Okay.” Walking towards the bed, I envelop myself in the covers after turning on Netflix. Luca appears, freshly showered, and comes over, pressing a final kiss on my lips before walking out.
After watching all eight episodes ofThe Circle, Luca isn’t back yet. I don’t mind it. I’m preoccupied trying to find out who gets eliminated in the latest episode.
While I’m going through every reality TV show spoiler website on the internet, I hear the front door open from downstairs, followed by rustling. He bought food. My stomach rumbles. Walking down the stairs, I make my way to the kitchen, and see Luca unpacking the groceries.