“You’ve never told me what your life was like when you were little.” I start playing with his shirt anxiously. “It’s a thing I like to leave in the past. I ran as fast as I could when I had the chance. Never looked back and that’s good enough for me.”
“One day you’ll tell me, and I’ll be here to listen to every word that comes out of your mouth.” I smile and laugh softly.
“It will come, but not here, not now.”
“Okay.” He nods, looking out the window.He wants to see the gardens. I walk towards the door and twist the knob slightly. I take a deep breath.
“Come on, we still have a whole garden to see.” He chuckles sadly. I know he wants to know about another part of me. I’ll tell him soon. But the place and time must be right.
Because my trauma is something that’s better left unspoken.
I trust him, but how much?
I see green on all sides of me. The vines, as always, are a plush pine color, bringing back an intense nostalgia. One that I’m fond of but also makes me nauseous. I know what Luca’s thinking. My house is eerie, while his is nice and lively. The one thing they have in common is the likeness of abuse. His is mostly mental, while mine is taxing on both parts of myself.
“Where are you taking me, Ale?”
“The only place in this house where I felt safe.” I take his hand, leading him out of the maze. I take the passageway that doesn’t lead us to the center but goes around it. Passing another set of steps, we reach my old track, old and dusty. My karts sit on the side, rusting over the years that I haven’t used them. He looks at me.
“I remember a time when you told me that having a butler was the height of wealth. And yet you have a track in your backyard.” Letting go of his hand, I open the wire gate surrounding the drag strip.
“That was different. This was a gift for my eighth birthday. One thing you should know about Sinaloa is that there’s a lot of untouched land. Why do you think it’s the mecca for drug rings everywhere? Once my dad had a stable business, he knew that he wanted his house to have acres and acres of land. The gardens were already built before I was born, but a part was untouched, so he built me this.” I shrug, gesturing both my hands towards the circuit.
“A very dramatic present for an eight-year-old, don’t you think?” I look at him. “My dad always knew I was going to be a racer after I watched someone win a world championship on TV when I was six.”
“And who would that racer be?” he mocks, but I think he already knows the answer.
“You.” I close the gate and turn back around, walking towards the maze yet again. He catches up to my strides. “So, you were obsessed with me before this all happened, huh?” He gives me a cheeky smile and I stop in front of him. “I was six and didn’t even know who you were, only that you were fast.”
“Were?” he challenges.
“Old man, you retired years ago. I don’t think you could drive an F1 car again for the rest of your existence. Not to mention how out of race shape you are. Have you gained like thirty pounds in just pure muscle?”
“I could jump into any car and beat you,ragazza.”
“Is that so? Last time I checked, I’ve beaten younger men at their own game for the last year or so.” I look up at the sky, thinking to myself.
“Hmm. One day we’re going to test that theory out, aren’t we?” He smiles down at me, bringing my frame into his arms. Looking down at me, he kisses my lips softly. Pulling back, I whisper softly, “in your dreams, old man.” I take off running as he starts chasing me. I laugh with every stride I take. Finding the nearest entrance, I make my way through and start slowing down as he gets farther behind me. I would love to see him try to get through the maze by himself. It takes years of practice.
“I’m going to find you, little girl, and when I do, I might even fuck the life out of you.” I look down and wonder if I want to be caught or if my defiance is talking more than my vagina.
I think I’ll go for the defiance option.
“I would love to see you try,” I yell out. I find my way through the maze with ease. I forgot how good I am at getting through this thing. Taking a sharp turn, I see that I’ve reached the middle square of the maze. Suddenly, feeling a chill run down my spine, my heart drops. I know where I’m at and this is the exact place I didn’t want to see.
Looking around, the pain comes rushing back. I feel like I’m being pushed under water and drowning. Someone’s holding my head down until I can’t breathe anymore. I start hyperventilating at the sight in front of me. My mother’s grave, the wall of flowers. All the white has gone to dust. Fading as the wind takes away the petals.
“You can’t run from me, baby,” I hear in the distance as his footsteps get closer. My eyes start throbbing, and my brain fades away from my body.
Everything goes black.
My eyes open, the black that once consumed me fading away as the sun burns into my skin. Looking up, I see blue. A crisp cerulean meets my gaze. No clouds, just the sun. My eyes shoot down and green consumes my whole body. The grass, a cold texture on my skin, collides against the heat my body is producing.
My hearing starts acting up and I hear nothing. Standing up, I wipe off all the dirt my clothes have accumulated.
I realize that I’m still in the maze.
Complete silence is heard until my ears start ringing.