He plops beside me and sprawls out against the sheets. I nuzzle into my pillow, relaxing. It took me a while to go to sleep yesterday. All I could think about was what he said to me last night. Not the whole Adèle thing, even though I may be a little jealous that she is the only woman he’s ever going to love.
Stop betraying yourself Ale. There’s a reason why you don’t do relationships.
The thing that bothered me was that the only reason he opened up to me was to tell me he could never do this. I can understand why he is the way he is; I’m exactly the same. But it did hurt a little bit.
“What are you thinking about?” I see a disheveled Luca beside me, and it’s beautiful. There’s just something about a man with his guard down. Before I can respond, I hear a phone ring on Luca’s side of the bed.
So, he has a side now...
I’m fucked. He holds it against his ear as he spits fluent Italian into the phone. I squirm. Something about this man speaking Italian gets me horny.
“Suona bene, sarò lì il più presto possibile.”He ends the call and looks at me.
“I have to go. That was my friend. He told me there’s investors going to a gala tonight in Paris. I have to drain every ounce of funding out of them so that the designs for next year can be attainable.” I nod, understanding his need to leave.
Grabbing his bag, he starts packing everything. He grabs clothes from his suitcase, and walks into the bathroom, coming out a few seconds later looking fresh as ever.
Why is this man so attractive? It should be illegal.
He grabs my face and kisses me before he says goodbye. Before I hear the door close, I shout, “text me when you land.” No response is to be heard, but I hear the sound of the door closing, signifying his absence.
This all feels so domestic.
Disgusting.
Laying back down on my pillow, I fall asleep with the tranquility of my inevitable fate. I like him, maybe too much for my liking, as well as his.
I wake up to the sound of my buzzing phone. Clutching my phone, I press accept, and hear Luca in my ear.
“I’m in Paris,” he states bluntly.
“So, you did hear me before you left?” I bite my lip and smile.
“How could I not?”
“When did you land?”
“Two hours ago.” I check the time and it’s already 8 pm. I fell back asleep at 8 this morning. Fuck, he took everything out of me last night, didn’t he? I want to say something, but I just stay silent. There are lines that are hard to cross with him. I’m tiptoeing around them because I don’t want to become too much or too little. He sighs and responds with the same gesture. We sit on the phone in a comfortable silence.
“I miss you,” I whisper, scared of what I’m saying to him.
“I miss you too.” He exhales once the words come out of his mouth.
What have we become?
“I guess I’ll see you later...” I responded.
“I’ll be back in a few days,ragazza.” The line cuts, and I immediately miss the days when we bickered for hours. It didn’t make me overthink as much as I am right now. Of course, the day after he tells me he can’t in any way love me, I catch feelings.
ME:Estoy jodida.
VIOLETTA:No soy lectora de mentes, Ale.
Groaning, I keep on typing my feelings out because I would never tell Luca how I feel. This relationship is a product of predisposed failure. Everything is against us. From ourselves all the way to the fact that he would never approve of where I come from. He hates everything I was created in.
ME:Al día siguiente que dice que no puede amar, me empieza a gustar.
VIOLETTA:He’s spewing bullshit. Everyone can love. It’s a matter of whether they want to address their own feelings or not.