Chapter 24
Alysa
Logan said they’d given me something to help me relax, but I couldn’t even close my eyes. They were going to take me down for surgery in an hour. I knew I had to do this, but it was scarier than anything I’d ever faced. Maybe it’s because I’m…facing it alone.
Last night I tried calling Jasper, but it went directly to voicemail and I wasn’t about to leave a message. I just wanted to hear his voice. Also apologize one more time. Burke said I couldn’t dwell on it, that it’s part of the job. But damn, this part really sucks.
I knew when I changed the rules and started defending Jasper instead of spying on him, that one day it would all come crashing to an end. Anything that good can’t last. And God, it was good. Not just the sex, but the connection. We really had something special. And my lie ruined it.
When Jasper walked out of my hospital room two weeks ago, I thought for sure he’d go home, think about it, and forgive me. But what I had forgotten was how much hurt and pain he’d already been though in his life - that what I did just showed him he couldn’t ever trust anyone.
I hated that I hurt him like that, but I couldn’t do anything to change it now. I had a job to do, or at least that was what Burke kept telling me. It was easy for him to say, because he had Robin. I have…no one.
There was a knock on the door and a nurse popped her head in. “How are you doing, Miss LaHouse?”
“Can’t wait to get this over with,” I said. The faster the surgery was done, the faster I could start to heal. Maybe Logan can fix my broken heart with the robot thing he’s going to use on my back.
“I can ask the doctor if he can give you a sedative to help you relax,” she offered.
“He’s already done that and it didn’t work,” I said.
“He can try something else,” she said.
“No. I’ll be fine.” It wasn’t the surgery that was on my mind. It was Jasper. When I agreed to do this, he had promised me he’d be by my side. But he wasn’t here, and all I had was this nurse whose name I didn’t even know. I felt so far from home.
She walked over and handed me a buzzer. “Just press this if you change your mind.”
You mean like if I don’t want the surgery? Because that definitely is on my mind.
The nurse left, and once again all I had was the four walls to keep me company. I knew Logan thought he was doing me a favor by giving me a private room, but at least a roommate would be someone to listen to.
My cell phone rang and I looked at the caller ID. Really, Burke? Again? How many times was he going to call to wish me luck? Logan will be doing all the work. I’m just going to be lying there.
I hated doing it, but I declined the call. Talking to Burke was only going to make me think of Jasper more, which I thought wasn’t possible.
And like clockwork, there was a knock on the door and I knew that nurse was coming in to ask the same damn questions. But instead, it was Jasper.
Maybe she did slip me something, because I’m definitely dreaming.
He walked over with his crutches and stood by my bed. “I’m glad I caught you before they take you down for surgery.”
I blinked several times, but he was still there. This was real. Jasper came. “What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I told you that I would be here before you went down, and when you woke up,” he said.
“And when I take my first steps again.” I remembered the words very clearly. They were etched on my soul. But I also hadn’t forgotten the look in his eyes when he walked out. A look I never want to see again.
He pulled the chair over to my bed and sat down. “Sorry, I can’t stand as long as I’d like.”
“I can’t stand at all,” I said.
“That’s going to change, Alysa. Have faith. Believe it. Close your eyes and visualize what you want,” he said encouragingly.
I’d done that for the past two weeks. His love is what I want. His forgiveness. But I didn’t deserve either.
“Why are you here?” I asked again. “I mean, you have an election in a few weeks. You can’t afford not to be there,” I reminded him.
“I can’t win anyway.”