The sun is setting, and the trees are turning black in the shadows. Most people are barefoot as they walk around, and what looks to be a wild party is going on, or maybe it’s only just the beginning of one.
We all step out of the car, and music plays off into the distance. The same type of music that played in the car on the way up here, and I'm beginning to think it's part of their circle—Rainbow Circle—whatever, type thing.
We follow Crow and Danae into the clearing, my toes pressing into the dried grass. It crunches beneath my feet. There's a chill in the air higher up in the mountains. I wish I had more than just this scrap of fabric over my breasts and this threadbare skirt, but I don't. Most of what I had was left in the Winnebago.
Only a short while after we came to California, our Winnebago went missing. Neil was parking it on the side of the road, out of sight from the beach, just over on the other side with the houses and shops. It took maybe about a week. We weren’t sure where it went, and we had no way to look for it. Once it went missing, so did most of my clothes, and my rocks from Arizona.
My fingers go up, wrapping around my ballet slippers necklace. I'm glad I kept this on me. I've taken it off once or twice, only because I didn't want to lose it in the ocean if the clasp broke or something. But I kept it on the day our van went missing, and I'm so grateful I did.
The gold has faded from the sun and the salt over the years. I find myself clutching it at night, warming the slippers with my palm. I wonder why I don't just take it off, throw it in the woods, leave it in the desert, let it sink to the bottom of the ocean. But even taking it off is painful, and the thought of parting with it settles a panic in the pit of my stomach.
I shake my head, clearing my thoughts as I watch everyone talk to Crow, shaking his hand and shouting out a hello as he passes. It's like he's the top dog here or something. People worship him.
I walk past people who look like they're on another planet. They watch the trees, dazed out in their own world. My eyes widen as I pass a person fully naked, staring into nothing.
There's a blanket littered with items at one end of the circle. The music is louder here. Someone has a guitar, which is hard to look at. Music in general is painful.
It all reminds me of Roman.
Danae grabs a dropper and passes it to Crow. "Here you go, babe."
He takes it, tipping his head back and putting two drops on his tongue. He passes it to Neil.
"What is it?" he asks, tipping the small dropper and watching the clear liquid swirl around in the small tube.
"Acid." Crow's voice is lighter and heavier at the same time. He smiles at us, a loose grin on his face.
I look around, seeing everyone looking like they’re in a completely different dimension.
Is everyone on acid?
"How much do I take? Two drops? The entire thing?"
Danae puts up a finger. "Only one."
Neil shrugs, tipping his head back and squeezing his eyes shut. I watch his fingers push on the rubber top, my throat dropping into my chest as I watch the liquid dribble out, and one drop slip from the seal and onto his curled tongue. He holds the dropper out, and Willie grabs it, repeating Neil's actions. No hesitation, no worries. His scrunched face relaxes the moment the liquid hits his tongue.
I try to swallow, but the lump in my throat makes it difficult. Trish looks as hesitant as I do as she grabs the dropper from Neil. Her fingers are shaky as she clutches it in her grip. She looks at me, fear in her eyes. "What do you think?" she whispers.
I shake my head. I haven't taken drugs. Not since that night all those years ago on Roman's deck on New Year's Eve. Not a hit, not a drop, nothing. None of us really have, mostly just keeping to ourselves most of the time while we traveled.
But now we've ended up in the Rainbow Circle, with drugs and Deadheads surrounding us.
I knew that feeling in the pit of my stomach before we headed here, that hesitation and worry. That time is now. It's here.It’s this.
Without another thought, Trish tips her head back, dripping a small drop onto her tongue. She rolls it into her mouth. Her arm snaps out, the dropper ending in front of my chest. I take it, clutching the slippers around my neck with my other hand.
Where is Roman right now? What is he doing?
He wouldn't want me to do this.
But thoughts of Roman always lead me down a dark path, and today I don't want to end on my dark path. I close my eyes, tip my head back and squeeze the dropper, letting one drop settle on my tongue.
It tastes like nothing, and rolling it around in my mouth, it’s light, slightly oily as the substance covers my tongue. Nothing happens, though, and I anticipated flying to a different galaxy immediately. I’ve heard stories of acid over the years, how dangerous it could be if not taken correctly. How wild the high is. Worry lingers in the back of my mind.Uncertainty.
We all sit down in the grass, and I pass the dropper off to Danae. She takes two drops and settles it back with her things. Crow sits beside her, curling his arm around her waist as they sway to the music.
"When does it hit?" Neil asks.