"Shit," I whine, wrapping his coat tightly around my waist. "This is so embarrassing."
"It's not embarrassing. You knew it was going to happen. Come on, let’s just go home." He pushes me out the front door, keeping his arm on me as we walk home. I'm not in the right dress to walk in the snow, but it's only down the street, and it's supposed to be a while before my mom is supposed to pick me and Nora up.
The walk is quiet, the lightly falling snow heavier than it was earlier. It brushes over my toes and the sheer fabric on my arms does nothing to hide the cold. It's beautiful outside, and any other night I'd take a moment to enjoy the tree branches weighted down by the blankets of snow. To listen to the crunch of snow being compacted beneath my feet, or to smell the crisp freshness of the cool air.
Tonight, I can't do any of those things. Tonight, I'm distraught over bleeding through my dress and making a mess on Roman's hand.
Would Travis have done the same? No, I don't think he would have. I think he would have cringed, maybe gagged, and made up some excuse to spend the rest of the night away from me.
The nervous chattering of my teeth turns into a chatter from my freezing body. Soon, we're walking down Roman's driveway. I make a turn to head home when he shakes his head and pulls me into his house.
"Where are we going?" I sniffle. "I need go home."
He shakes his head again, pulling me into his house. I don't see his mom anywhere, but he pulls me straight through his house and into his bathroom. He crouches down, opening the cupboard underneath his sink and pulls out Nora's pack of feminine products.
He hands me a square package from the box, wrapped in yellow packaging. "Do you, uh… do you know what to do?"
My cheeks flame, embarrassment hitting me, and now I realize the gnawing is cramps, and they aren't getting any better as time goes on. Only worse. "I know what the heck to do," I snap, even though it's partly a lie. I think I know what to do, living with my sister and mom, and hanging out with Nora. I've just never done it by myself, so I really hope I don't mess something up.
"I'll go get you some clothes." He looks slightly embarrassed himself, and that only makes it worse.
"I should just go home," I whine when Roman starts to close the door.
He shakes his head. "Will you hang out? Just for a little bit? Let me take care of you." His eyes are pleading, his face screwed up in pain.
I stand there for a moment, and we're both staring at each other. "Fine. But my mom needs to know where I am. She'll freak out if she goes to pick us up and Nora is the only one there."
He nods his head and shuts the door. The moment I hear the click, I reach forward and press the small button to lock it. I loosen Roman's coat, letting it fall to the floor and turn around so my backside faces the mirror.
And I sob.
There's a big, circular splotch of red over my butt. A dark but bright red that is unmistakably blood. My sobs are silent but rack my chest and make my ribs hurt. My chest pounds as I grab the fabric around my sides and start inching it up. I continue pulling my dress up until it's around my waist, and my cream-colored panties are showing.
Hooking my thumbs into the waistband, I pull them down and cringe, my eyes watering as I see the stained red inside of them.
I go to the bathroom, wiping myself, hating the red smear that comes away on the toilet paper.
Knock, knock.
"I have some clothes here, and, um, a bag to put your… stuff in. I'll be in my room."
I don't say anything, my embarrassment making my face turn hot and the tears won't stop flowing.
Once I can hear the knowing creaks from the floorboards groaning from his weight as he walks back to his room, I get up, hobble to the door and as quietly as possible, I open the door and pull everything inside. A pair of Nora's underwear sits in between a pair of Roman's sweats and t-shirt. I wouldn't fit in Nora's clothes. I'm too tall and she is too short. Which is probably why he chose his own clothes for me to wear.
I slip everything on, opening the pad and putting the sticky side against my underwear. When I pull them up, I want to sob all over again.
It feels like I'm wearing a fucking diaper.
It feels gross and uncomfortable, but I don't see any other choice. With the small paper bag, I roll up my old underwear and dress, shoving them inside. I hope my mom can get the stain out of the dress. I really liked it.
I open up the bathroom door, and there stands Goldie. I'm sure my eyes are red-rimmed and puffy, but the sympathetic expression on her face makes me think she already knows what's going on.
"Oh, honey. I'm so sorry that had to happen tonight." She pulls me into her arms and squeezes me tight. "I'm going to pick up Nora, so your mom doesn't have to. Your mom did want you home in a couple hours, though, if you wanted to hang out here for a while longer." She has a knowing expression on her face, and all I can do is nod. Like she knows everything.
She knows us.
"Okay, you let me know if you need anything."