My eyes narrow, already knowing where this is going. My blood cools, and I feel a betrayal at his decisions. How could he do that to Neil? "You went back to Crow?"
He nods, his face blank of all emotions.
"You went back to him? After what he did to your friend? What he meant to do to me?" My voice is raised, drawing the attention of some of the locals. I turn my back to them, lowering my voice to a quiet whisper, "How could you do that to Neil?"
He leans forward, his face only inches away from mine. His breath floats into my face, smelling of smoke and a grossness that makes me want to gag. "Because everyone left me, and I had no one to turn to. My girl left me, and my best friend died. What else could I have done? I had no one, I had nothing. I was eight hours away from San Diego. There was nothing for me to do!"
I take a step back, afraid of the heat, the anger that's boiling beneath his surface.
"So, how'd you get here?" I ask after a beat.
"I earned some money over the last year." He reaches into his pocket, grabbing the small dark dropper that's part of my worst dreams. Tilting his head back in the middle of the street, he drops two liquid drops on his tongue. Tilting his head up, he smiles at me. "Want some?"
I blink at him, shocked at his audacity. Horrified that he'd do that after his greatest friend committed suicide for being on the same drug. "You have no shame, do you?" A gust of wind hits, causing my hair to blow in front of my eyes. We stare at each other, and it takes me a minute before I can catch my bearings. My hand reaches forward, pulling the hair from my face and I turn around, ready to walk away from him for good.
That snaps him into action.
He grabs onto my bicep, pulling me back around. "Where are you going?"
"I'm heading back to my house. Not really in the mood to party anymore." I attempt to pull out of his hold, but that only makes his grip tighter. "Let go of me."
"Wait. Stop. What did I do? What's wrong?" A mixture of sadness and anger hits his eyes.
I shake my head. "It's nothing. I just want to be alone." I pull my arm back, but his hand comes with it.
"Where did I go wrong? Where did we go wrong? Didn't you have good times with me?"
I smile. It's sad, a little broken. "We had good times, Willie. But that's all it was. It was fun while it lasted."
"Why can't we try again? I can do better. I can be better for you now. We're finally at our destination. Where we always meant to land."
I shake my head, not sure when his mind got so skewed and why he thinks there is awein this equation at all. "Willie." I pull my hand out, firmer this time. And this time he lets me. "I told you back in California why we won't work. I mean that. Every word I said, it was the truth. Youdon'twant me. I'll never be able to loveyou." I look around, smiling at the happiness and peace surrounding me. "But there are some awesome people here, and I'm sure you'll find some beautiful women to spend your time with." Willie is attractive. Like, top-of-the-line hot. He has all the dips and muscles that a man should have. It's unfortunate that my heart has been given to someone else. But that's how my soul works. I only see one man. It was useless to pretend otherwise.
He takes a step back, another flash of that darkness slipping into his eyes. "Whatever you say, Luna." He walks off, not sparing me another glance.
A chill breaks off on my spine, and I walk the other way, checking over my shoulder constantly to make sure he's not following me.
It felt like he was a completely different person. He's not the man I first met. While being on the road changes people, it seems that it changed Willie for the worse. He used to be an easygoing guy, somewhat like Roman in that regard. I think that's what pulled me toward him, his happiness. His outgoing nature that everyone gravitated to.
Now I feel like there's a darkness around him. A darkness that I want nothing to do with. We have been through a lot, and he sunk deep into the evil. He's not a good man. Not anymore.
I don't see him the rest of the night, and I eventually catch up with the rest of the workers, hopping in the back of the truck. I let out a sigh of relief once the truck starts moving, and I watch the lights of the party fade off into the distance. I hope this is the last time that I see him, but a part of me knows it won't be. Maui isn't huge, and he isn't a local, which means we'll probably end up crossing paths again.
It takes a while for us to get back, and I lean against the side of the truck, the salty air and the rocking making me tired. My eyes grow droopy, and I do my best to stay awake.
I'm grateful when we arrive home, and I'm the first one off, waving to everyone as I head into my house. I slip inside, climbing straight into bed with my clothes still on. I pull the sheets up to my neck, burrowing my head into the pillow. Sleep comes quickly, and I'm pulled down into my dreams.
I hear the waves before I see them. I'd know the sound anywhere. It's not the gentle lapping like in California, and it's not the loud crashing like in Hawaii. The waves that I hear are angry, aggressive as they pound against the side of the cliff. My eyes slide open, and here I am.
It's been a while.
It's been since California, I realize. I haven't dreamed about my cliff in over a year, and for an odd moment, I feel at home. This place where I've spent much of my nights through my childhood to adulthood. It's dark out now, and I don't think I've ever been here at night. I can't even see the water, only darkness as I look over the edge. I can hear them below, and can imagine them now, sliding up the edge of the rock, each wave competing to reach higher than the next. The waves turning white from their aggressive force.
I can barely see anything because it’s so dark, but looking up, I see the stars. So many of them reflecting down on me, giving me the only light I'll get. That and the moon, which is only a small crescent tonight, a sliver in the sky, placed delicately between the stars.
I take a step toward the edge of the cliff. Only a small one, but I can feel the soft sand beneath my feet. The soft sand that isn't sand at all. I've walked barefoot for years, and I know what sand from each part of the earth feels like. This isn't it. It's softer, almost powder-like as it disintegrates beneath my feet. I stop as the wind picks up, howling in the distance. It sounds like a whistle, and I take a step backward, feeling the sand pick up and swirl around my feet. It lifts higher, reaching my ankles, my waist, traveling across the skin on my arms and around my neck.
I feel like I could lean back into the air and the sand would lift me off the ground. I feel like it would carry me away from here, anywhere, if I really wanted. A gust of wind pulls me forward, and I don't fight it. I'm not sure why, maybe because I know this is all a dream. I've been through this before. I've danced to this tune. I know that no matter what I do, I'll always end up going over the cliff.