Chapter 4
Kaylee
After tossing and turning all night, I'm sitting in my bed at Garrett's house thinking. I thought over what Garrett said and also Becca’s words to me.
Even though I considered calling Becca, I'm pretty sure her advice would be something along the lines of just grab him by the balls and kiss him. But she had been out drinking with her brother last night, and her advice any time she drinks, is to grab him by the balls and kiss him. Which isn't always helpful.
Looking around the room, I'm flooded with memories. This room was always my sanctuary, and it's different than any room in the house. My room is narrow but long, and my bed sits right against a full wall of windows, so I get a great view of sunrise on the ranch.
I'm pretty sure it was set up to be a nursery or an office, not a bedroom, but I love having my bed against the windows, and the view is one of the best on the ranch.
If I was having a problem growing up, I could sit here and watch the first rays of sunlight touch the ranch, and it seemed to fix anything, because nothing seems quite so big, after watching the sunrise.
Not today, though.
As I think over Garrett's actions the last few years, I realize Becca is right. He's either sabotaged any relationship I had, or he would ruin any chance I had of building one. Why would he do such a thing, unless he has feelings for me?
But he seems clear after last night, that he has no intentions of acting on those feelings. So, why keep sabotaging things? He's holding back a big part of himself because he doesn't want to lose me. I understand that, but he's lying to himself, saying he isn't good at relationships.
He's the standard I compare all guys, too. The few that lasted longer than a few dates, wouldn't have made it much further, because they didn't match up to Garrett. Though, I won't admit that to him. Instead, I’ll let him keep thinking he stopped it from going any further by stepping in the way he always does.
As the sun starts to peek above the trees, I realize I can't put this off much longer, so I get up and get ready to go have breakfast. We’ll have a talk, and then, I’ll go spend some time with my dad, before heading back to the city.
After fixing my hair the best I can and brushing my teeth with the toothbrush I find in the cabinet, I open my bedroom door to a quiet house. I expected some noise, as the day was getting started. So, I make my way to the kitchen, only to find Garrett standing in front of the kitchen sink, just staring out of the window, watching the sunrise, much like I was in my room.
While we could have breakfast and dance around the subject, I don't want that. Instead, I decide to grab a cinnamon roll, some coffee, and dive right in.
As I plate a cinnamon roll and start making my coffee, Garrett watches every move I make, but neither of us says a word. It's like if one of us talks, we break the spell of being able to pretend this is just another morning.
Once I'm finally sitting at the table, he joins me, and it's time to break the spell.
"Well, I'm sober and still feel the same way," I tell him.
He looks pained, which isn't what I expected, but he still doesn't say anything.
Then, he sets his coffee down and shakes his head.
"No." He says emphatically, as he stares across the table at me.
"So, what about our pact?" I ask.
"If the time comes, I will honor it. That doesn't change."
I stare him down, and he won't look at me. He just keeps looking through me to the wall behind me.
"You have undermined every relationship I've tried to have, so how am I supposed to find someone and be happy?"
"They aren't good enough for you."
But I don't believe for a minute that's the only reason.
"Who is? You?" I raise my voice.
I'm trying to stay calm, but I'm getting irritated and pissed off, just like I was last night. It won’t accomplish anything if we end up yelling at each other.
But when Garrett cringes at my suggestion that it’s him who is perfect for me, I know this isn't going anywhere.
"No, not me," he rasps.