Our father nodded, took another good look at both of us, and laughed. “You two will never change—always settling things with your fists.”
“It’s quicker that way, right, Ty?” Brock smiled and patted our father on the back as he turned and headed over to his truck.
“You boys stay out of trouble. You got a newborn to look after, Brock Shaw.”
Brock’s mouth fell open, and he turned back to me. “And he assumes it’s my fault?”
I shrugged. “You’re the one who punched me, dude.”
With a snarling expression, Brock shook his head. “Where do you want to eat?”
“Filling station sounds good to me.”
He nodded. “Ride together?”
I laughed. “Hell no. I’ll meet you there.”
Brock beat me to the filling station and was sitting at a table talking to Kristin, a waitress who’d been working there since they’d first opened. As I made my way toward the table, a few people said hi and some nodded a silent hello, and I responded with one of my own. A few women gave me sexy smiles; those I ignored and kept on walking.
“Hey, Ty. Something to drink?” Kristin asked.
“Anything on draft, Kristin. Thanks.”
She nodded and smiled before turning and walking off. Brock took a drink of his bottled beer and slowly set it down.
I looked around the restaurant, stalling.
“Okay, I’ll start first, since you’re not. Why don’t you want something more with her?”
My gaze shot back and locked on his. I laughed. “Are you seriously asking me that?”
“Yes, I am, Ty. It’s about fucking time you say it out loud so the rest of us can understand where the hell your mind is in all of this, not to mention your dick.”
I frowned. “Say what?”
“Tell me. Tell me whatever the hell it is you have in your mind that makes you think you’re not cut out for a relationship.”
Laughing again, I dropped back in my seat. “So you fell in love, got married, and, what, earned your license in psychology all at the same time?”
He rolled his eyes. “Listen, Ty, I get that life fucked you over, and I’m not going to pretend I know what it was like to walk away from bull riding. I had the choice and left on my own. I understand you went through some shit, and I, of all people, get why you’re keeping her at a distance. But you’ve already told me there’s something about her that’s different. It’s fucking obvious that you’re scared of your feelings for her.”
I scoffed.
Kristin walked back over with my beer and set it down, then looked at both of us. “Ready to order?”
“I’ll have the gas hog burger,” Brock said, handing her back the menu.
“Ty?” she asked, waiting for my order. Brock’s words were tumbling around in my head. I was unfocused as shit and hadn’t given a second thought to food.
“Um, I’ll take, ah . . . um . . .”
I glanced up to see both of them watching me. The corner of Brock’s mouth twitched with a smirk he was at least attempting to hold back.
“I’ll have the same thing as Brock,” I finally said.
“Sounds good. Both well done, right?”
We both replied yes together. Once Kristin was gone, I let out a breath, shook my head, and closed my eyes for a moment before speaking.
“There’s a side of me, Brock, that is scared shitless to let myself even think I could be happy. With anything or anyone. If I let someone in, the darkness will eventually swallow up any happiness I feel, and I’m going to end up right where I was that morning after the accident. Lost, confused, hurt. Angry. Kaylee’s had enough heavy bullshit in her life—she doesn’t need mine.”
“So you’re going to make that decision for her? You ever think maybe she’s the one person who is capable of making you happy? That she can make that decision on her own because of the heavy shit she’s already been through?”
My gaze met his. “That’s the problem, Brock. Something about Kaylee Holden gets to me. In a good way . . . a damn good way. The first time we ever kissed, I knew she would become my new addiction if I let her. And I can’t let her. I fought this battle for almost a year, and one move on her part and I was practically on my knees with need for her. I can’t . . . I can’t do it.”
“Why not?”
“I can’t lose her. If I did, it would destroy me.”
He let out a half-hearted laugh. “What makes you think you’ll lose her? How is that any different than what you’re doing to yourself, and to her, right now? And maybe it was just an itch y’all needed to scratch? You ever think of that?”
It was my turn to laugh. “Nah, that wasn’t no itch. I’ve never in my life felt that way with a woman. I didn’t want to leave her bed, Brock. I did and said things to her I’ve never done or voiced to any other woman. I thought I couldn’t get her out of my mind before, and now, after being with her? Hell, I’m never going to be able to forget the way she felt in my arms. But it will end badly, because I’m not the guy she needs.”