“And let me guess: you freaked out.”
“Of course I freaked out. Wouldn’t you have?”
He laughed. “Yeah, I probably would have, for a minute, and then I would have explored it.”
I shook my head. “I can’t let myself get attached to her. The idea that I had felt that much from just a kiss . . . who in the hell knows what making love to her would have been like if I hadn’t walked away. I can’t trust myself with those types of feelings. I don’t know how else to explain it.”
“I get it, but I think you’re missing out on something if you don’t at least try, Ty.”
I pressed the beer to my lips and took a long drink. “I can’t do it, Tanner. If I let myself even think about it, and then things don’t work out or she ends up leaving? No, thanks.”
He let out a confused laugh. “So you won’t even give it a chance because you’re afraid it might not work out or she’ll leave?”
“Pretty much. I don’t think I can handle another failure in my life, Tanner.”
“Another failure? What in the hell are you talking about, Ty?”
“Bull riding, my drug addiction?”
Tanner grabbed my shoulder and gave me a push, causing me to look at him. “You did not fail at either of those things, dude. Ty, you were on your way to being number one again. It was a drunk driver who took that away from you. That was completely out of your control. And the drugs? You beat it—you recognized when the temptation crept up again after Brock’s accident, and you started back up with therapy. You’re winning that battle, Ty. Don’t you ever fucking doubt that.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded. “You should charge my therapist for this session, ya know.”
He rolled his eyes and dropped his hand. “I’m serious, Ty. Listen, I’m going to be the first guy to say I have zero interest in tying myself down to anyone for a long time. My dick likes his playtime, and trust me when I say that we get a lot of playtime out on the road.”
I laughed and shook my head.
“But I also believe in love. I see it in our parents. I see it with Brock and Lincoln. Hell, did you ever think Brock would open up his heart again after Kaci died giving birth to Blayze?”
“No, I honestly didn’t.”
“Then why won’t you let yourself believe that you can also find happiness, Ty?”
“I’m not the kind of guy Kaylee needs.”
“Who does she need?” Tanner asked, setting his now-empty beer bottle down behind him.
“Someone without a fucked-up past.”
“But she has a fucked-up past of her own.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “Exactly. That’s why she doesn’t need someone like me. She deserves someone better.”
Tanner let out a frustrated sigh. “Ty, you’re never going to be able to move on if you don’t stop thinking you’re not good enough. Do you realize Dad couldn’t run this place without you?”
I laughed. “He did fine before I worked here full time.”
“He also never told you about all the ranch hands he had to hire on to help him out. You showed up and got everything organized and working like a fine-tuned machine, and Dad hasn’t stressed at all these last few years.
“Ty, this is in your blood. This ranch. Being a rancher is what you were made for. And look at the work you do with the agricultural-education program. Look at what those kids are learning, what they’re doing. Brock also told me you’re looking into possibly raising some bulls for competition and have already been talking with Doug from the PBR. Damn, brother, give yourself some credit, will you, please?”
I finished off the last of my beer and set the bottle next to Tanner’s. “Yeah, I guess so. It doesn’t really matter anyway. I watched Channing walk into Kaylee’s house after kissing her. Then, when I looked back, her kitchen light went off, so what do you think they’re doing?”
Tanner scoffed. “Kaylee isn’t going to sleep with him. Not on her first date.”
“I’m pretty sure she would have slept with me if I had asked her.” I pushed back and stood, stretching my stiff leg.
“Bothering you?”
“Nah, just gets stiff sometimes when I keep my knee bent too long.”
Tanner stood and reached for the two bottles as I walked back into the loft. We walked down in silence and out to my truck, which was parked outside the barn.
“Let me give you a ride up to the house,” I said. “And stop fucking walking on the ankle, dude. You want to get back out on the circuit, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I sure as shit do.” Tanner got into my truck and shut the door. I could tell by the expression on his face, something was heavy on his mind.