One deep breath in, one deep out. Focus on the future.
In. Out.
Until the tightness in my chest loosened and all the bad feelings of anxiety and depression slipped free of my body.
Lincoln didn’t say anything or even move. She knew the drill. Deep breathing meant I was fighting the memories, the fears and doubts. They didn’t always show up as nightmares. No, sometimes it was a random panic attack. Or a crying fit for no apparent reason. Grief and sadness had a way of wreaking havoc on one’s body. I could feel happy as a clam, then sad as fuck the next second.
“You know he would want you to move on, right?” Lincoln finally said.
“Yes, I know. It’s just . . .”
She lifted her head and turned her body to face me, wrapping her own coat and scarf tighter around herself. “It’s just what?”
“The first guy I let myself even think about moving on with rejected me and acts like being around me is a chore.”
Lincoln smiled softly. “There are moments you guys get along. Remember when you found out I was pregnant before I even did?”
A wide grin broke out on my face. “Yes, I do remember that. It was one of the rare times Ty and I actually didn’t fight. I think we were both too excited for you and Brock.”
“Do you want a relationship with Ty?”
I tossed my hands up in the air and let them fall dramatically to my lap. “Hell, I don’t even know anymore, Lincoln. I don’t honestly think I could take another heartbreak, and I feel like Ty would not only break my heart but rip it up into a million pieces and stomp all over them if I let him in.”
“He wouldn’t hurt you on purpose.”
Looking down at my hands, now folded in my lap, I saw how red they were getting from the cold. Why hadn’t I grabbed my gloves?
“No, I don’t think he would, either, and that’s why he keeps me at arm’s length. That day I kissed him in your kitchen, I felt it, and I know he did too. He tried to play it off by acting like he hadn’t experienced the same rush of feelings I had. He chooses to ignore it, and I deserve someone who wants me—someone who isn’t afraid to show me how he feels, someone who will treasure the love I have to give to him. That much I know.”
“Like I said . . . talk to him.”
I felt my chin wobble as I looked back over the mountains. “And if he tells me he isn’t interested?”
“Then you move on, Kaylee. Like you said, you deserve happiness, but pushing your feelings to the side because you’re afraid he won’t want the things you want isn’t healthy.”
I nodded. “You’re right. I need to talk to him. And if he truly doesn’t have any feelings for me, I’ll move on.”
Chapter Four
TY
I tipped back the beer bottle and took a long drink.
Betty Jane walked up and tapped the bar. “Another one?”
“Yeah, one more.”
She motioned with her chin to the dance floor. “The brunette out there with the shorter-than-hell shorts on is looking at you again.”
“Not interested.”
Her eyes widened in shock. “So the rumors are true. Are you slowing down on your playboy ways, Ty Shaw?”
With a smirk, I replied, “Hell no, haven’t been in the mood for anyone here in town.”
“That’s because you’ve slept with nearly all of them.”
I laughed. Hell if it wasn’t almost true.
Betty Jane’s eyes went to the entrance of the bar, and then quickly back to me. “No one has caught your attention lately? Not even our feisty local city girl, Kaylee?”
I let out a grunt. “Fuck, especially not her.”
“That’s too bad. She’s making her way over to you as we speak.”
With a groan, I looked over my shoulder and saw Kaylee walking my way.
“Fuck,” I mumbled before I shouted to Betty Jane, “give me a shot of whiskey too!”
“Hey there, cowboy, drinking alone, huh?” Kaylee said, sliding up onto the barstool next to mine. The way my body instantly came alive when she was near agitated me. It also fucking thrilled me.
God, I’m fucked up.
“Not for long.”
She smiled, and it made my throat grow thick. She had no damn clue the effect she had on me. Abso-fucking-lutely clueless.
“Are you waiting for someone?” she asked, nodding to Betty Jane holding up my bottle of beer.
“Yes.”
“Date?”
“Are you working for the local paper now? What’s with all the questions, Kaylee?”
Her smile faded some, and I instantly felt like an asshole because I was the reason the light had dimmed in her eyes.
With a half shrug, she answered me. “I was just curious is all.”
“No, I’m not waiting for a date.”
Betty Jane came back with Kaylee’s beer and one for me, along with the shot I’d requested. I downed the shot first.