“Truthfully, nearly immediately after you went away. It wasn’t something we planned Johnny, it just happened. You know we had always been enemies, but something changed between us, and we just became an us.”
He took a small drink making me realise how hard listening to the words were. With the sip of Dutch courage taken, he spat out the words.
“Why not just talk to me? Why tell me the way you did?”
That was the burning question that I needed the answer to, how Johnny had uncovered our secret. I had to play the honesty card, hoping Johnny would see the truth in my eyes as I spoke from the heart.
“We had planned to tell you the moment you landed. Not a soul in the village knows, as we wanted to be the ones to discuss everything. Not have some busybodies jump you and reveal all. I don’t know how you found out about us, and that factor has been playing over in mine and Elijah’s head’s ever since we saw your message. For all it’s worth, we are sorry that we couldn’t speak to you as planned.”
Johnny’s face was flushed but I knew even though this conversation was hard, he wouldn’t back down. He kept his eyes downward, as if he were embarrassed for me.
“Your phone, Harlow, that’s how. When I landed earlier, I called you. I thought it would be a nice surprise. Unfortunately, I got a bigger one at the time and I heard you together.”
The words all started to make sense. My mobile phone was in my back pocket, and it could have accidentally gone off lost in our embrace. A knee or an arm just catching a button at that time is all it would have taken. With it being on silent, I didn’t have a clue that it had even gone off with a call and the chances of the times matching were slim but what other reasoning could there be? No one had seen us out and about, we’d been careful avoiding where people that knew Johnny would go. He said heard, too? If he had then, I gulped back, it wasn’t good. By the sullen appearance across his face, it had been enough evidence to convict us both, without even asking any questions. If he had, though, it wasn’t like I would have denied the situation.
The tension was thick between us, a takeaway was my ideal option to have tried relieving it slightly. It had always worked in the past and to be honest, it meant more time to indulge and mope around with my thoughts. I ordered our favourite pizzas, adding pineapple, hoping I could steer a conversation to break the ice.
Forty-Six
Elijah
The ten-minute walk back wastorture. I put one foot in front of the other until I walked through the door to emptiness. Gone was the warmth, the thrill of my girl being with me and all that was left was the dinginess of the room that once was my haven. Now it felt that all that remained was an empty beacon. It didn’t feel like a home to me now. Not without her here. The only thing that would make all this situation seem perfect again, her by my side. A piece of myself had been left behind with Harlow in that house and it would remain there until she was tucked safely into my side. I knew that reassurance and support was what Harlow craved. Without me there to hold her up, I sent her a message telling her how much she meant. Harlow knew deep down but at the moment her confidence was knocked by uncertainty. I hoped it could provide that slight bit of solace to pick herself up and be able to pull those shoulders back. Not give up and fight for the pair of us.
She didn’t have to know where my head was currently placed. I had to remain strong for my girl. I would bottle my emotions away for now, until I had no choice but to deal with them. I didn’t know how my thoughts would unravel in front of people and how they would be taken when they did. I was distracted by the vibration of my mobile phone with a text message. I looked at the screen and my heart pounded, time had suddenly fast forwarded, as I realised what happened would soon be known. The sooner everything was out in the open, the easier it would be.
Harlow – Johnny’s just got home. Will let you know everything later xxx.
If I kept my mind busy, I wouldn’t have time to wonder, so I go to check who needed me so desperately to have left a message here but not have thought to have contacted my mobile. The familiar voice played out, as a warmth filled me inside, I shouldn’t have been surprised to be honest. My mother was traditional that way, even though I had informed her where I would be. She called here, probably forgetting that I had even told her. It seemed to be a regular occurrence of late, but one I had been carefully watching.
The message was a normal check in, letting me know how both her and my dad were currently, and when I had the chance, if I could give her a call back. If I could delay the inevitable I would but it was a pointless option to the cause. The longer I waited, the more likely the chance of her taking the decision into her own hands and just turning up. I knew I had mentioned I was going on a short break to her, but it seemed that snippet of vital information had flown out the other side of her head and likely dispersed into nothingness. I had a day or two at best, if luck was on my side with my mother’s protective, and intuitive nature, she could sense an issue brewing in the air.
I knew she would catch on to my heartbroken state the moment she saw me and would dig away to find out what had happened. It was a knack I was certain that they would gather any information necessary. To make sure you didn’t even notice the unseen attack, all for the good of nature in their eyes. In mine, it wasn’t an area I felt I could still discuss, without embarrassment. I picked up the receiver and began to dial the number, whilst I tried to gain my composure. The moment she answered, I knew that my resolve would drop. Each layer of emotion hit the surface, one at a time, as I struggled with my approach to remain level-headed. The falter in my tone gave away the cause for concern.
“Hey, Mum, I’ve just got home. Remember I told you about being away?”
I heard her whispered voice of worry to my dad, before replying to me.
“Elijah, I can be there soon. What’s wrong?”
All it had taken was a couple of sentences from me for her to notice something was out of my normal character. The bounce had left my step, she wouldn’t sit back and wait for answers. I knew hiding the truth was a distant impossible option, instead I sighed a long deep breath of defeat. I didn’t know where best to start, but with the tapping I could hear down the receiver, it seemed patience was growing thin for my mother.
“Mum, please don’t come here. I just need some time.” I gave her a few moments to comprehend my words. “I have just made a huge mistake and I don’t know what to do.”
An air of nervousness entered my mother’s voice as she pushed a question I never expected to hear from her lips.
“Elijah, is this about Harlow?”
I started to question why she would have mentioned Harlow’s name from the millions that existed. My heart quickened, waiting for more but did I really want this conversation? I mean, my mother had never been this forward about women before. I mean, there was this one time Harlow’s mother had asked if she had a crush on me and sent her in a spin. Had they both seen something back then we missed? Honesty had always been my calling, as I swallowed the truth, no point attempting to lie anyway, she would be able to tell the minute the words breached my lips.
“Yes, it’s about Harlow.”
The giddiness that escaped my mother’s mouth could not cease to surprise me. As if she somehow knew something I didn’t, which confused me. I tried explaining concisely as possible, bypassing my sex life in the process whilst she tried taking control on the conversation. It wasn’t happening. I was only telling her so much and the rest was between Harlow and I. I knew she just wanted to know how Harlow had become mine. My mouth spewed the tangled rambles of the whirlwind romance, of the relationship we had found ourselves in. Until I explained Johnny’s part in the revelation and the reason behind my drastic, sullen mood.
My mother had remained quiet throughout my rambles, an unusual part in its own right for her. Whilst she may seem to have been captivated, listening and making agreeable sounds along the way, I knew she was calculating how to formulate the words that sat on the edge of her tongue.
“Elijah, it’s always been Harlow. You may not have noticed the connection between you, but I certainly did. You have been there through everything, from dinners when younger to bottling your own pain rather than having to deal with it. Johnny has been your best friend and has been through everything, but the look you have given that girl has always been more. When she left here at eighteen, you were lost and confused, and I was grateful for Johnny’s support. He guided you through and helped you back on your feet. Now she’s returned and you have realised your feelings for one another, don’t let him stop that. Talk to him. Out of everyone, you have that connection with him, both of you.”
The tears began to form in my eyes, knowing how much of a struggle it would be to contain them long enough to not deal with them. Mother had always been one of those people who could make sense of my wild, confused thoughts. I hadn’t understood that my feelings for Harlow had stemmed back all those years. She was right though, and my gut screamed at me for why I hadn’t noticed it earlier. All these years squandered when I could have attempted to show Harlow my true sentiments.