“I considered not coming back,” she said carefully. “But I think I knew deep down that was never an option for me. I don’t swim from my problems.”
“I’m glad,” said Emil, with a nod. “Your talents would be wasted if you did so.”
Merletta smiled. “It was thoughtful of you to think of me during my break,” she said. “Sage told me you asked after me.”
“She did?” Emil looked a little startled, and Merletta raised an eyebrow. He almost seemed discomposed, something she had never before witnessed.
“Yes,” Merletta confirmed. “Didn’t you ask her?”
“I did,” said Emil after a moment’s pause. “Our families live in the same part of Skulssted,” he added, as if he needed an explanation. “It’s not unusual for us to run into one another, even now I’ve graduated from the program.”
“Well, it’s nice to keep up with fellow trainees,” Merletta said cheerfully. “Sage will be a record holder in a couple of years, after all. She’s plenty capable.”
“She is,” Emil agreed. “And she’ll be an asset to the record holders.”
Merletta nodded absently, her attention already returning to the shorthand. It wasn’t until Wivell floated in to check on their progress twenty minutes later that she realized she hadn’t heard Emil’s coral resume its scratching.
With Emil’s coaching and Agner’s training, Merletta thought she would have been enjoying second year more than first year—if it wasn’t for two things. The first was that she was barred from Vazula, and missing Heath. She still held out hope of his survival, but she thought the chances of her ever finding out for certain grew less with every passing week.
Tired as she was from her training, she still lay awake many nights, her hammock drifting gently to and fro as she thought about the human, and remembered that stormy day. She tried not to dwell on the attack, remembering instead the many happier times they’d spent on Vazula. But even those memories made emotion rise within her. She would suddenly call to mind a common gesture of his, or the way his face would set in concentration when he was describing his far away home. It was the same look he got when he was focusing his keen eyes on something at a great distance. These mundane memories sent pangs through her that were so sharp she would squeeze one hand fiercely in the other to stop tears from coming.
And always, try as she might to avoid thinking about it, she would always come back to that awful day. The passing weeks hadn’t made the memory any less vivid. She could still hear the waves lashing against the shore, still see the gaping wound in his side. Still feel the phantom pressure of his hand on her cheek, and hear his voice.
I don’t want you to die.
She didn’t think anyone had ever cared as much about what happened to her as Heath had in that moment. It was an exhilarating feeling, and for all she knew, she might never experience it again.
But her tangle of emotions regarding Heath was only one of the two things keeping her awake. Memories of that day always brought her back to the guard patrol, and the terrible fate she’d brought on them by directing them toward the island. That, more than anything, made her unable to forget that everything had changed since first year, and it was always with her. At least during the day, when she was busy, she could push Heath to the back of her mind. It was when she was alone in the darkness that he returned to haunt her.
The guards, on the other hand, seemed to be everywhere. Talk had died down a little, but she still heard the group mentioned in passing almost every day. At first she’d felt an acute surge of guilt every time she heard it. But now it had settled into an almost constant discomfort, almost like a slight nausea. She was sure it wouldn’t fully go away until she discovered what had really happened to them.
In spite of the matter being constantly in her thoughts, it was a few weeks before Merletta found both the opportunity and the courage to pursue her idea with Andre. She’d become used to his presence, since he seemed to prefer the company of her and Sage over that of Oliver and Lorraine. But it was unusual for the two of them to be alone. So when she found herself in the records hall with him one afternoon, while Sage was undertaking training with the junior record holders, she seized her opportunity.
“Andre, I’ve been thinking about your father’s friend. The one who died.”
“August?” Andre said, his tone heavy. “Yeah, I think about him a lot, too.”
“How’s your father doing?” Merletta asked delicately.
Andre shrugged. “Life goes on. He doesn’t say it, but I can tell he’s still pretty distressed by it all.”
“Do you think…do you think he would talk to me about it?”
Andre had been looking down at the writing leaf he was studying, but at her words his eyes flew to hers, startled. “My father? You want to talk to him about August?”
“Well…yes. But only if he’d be comfortable,” Merletta added quickly.
“I don’t think he’d mind,” said Andre. He gave her a lopsided smile. “He’d probably be interested to meet you. He’s curious about you. He said…” He trailed off, his tone becoming rueful. “Actually, maybe he wouldn’t thank me for repeating it.”
“It’s all right,” said Merletta, a smile on her own face. “I have skin as thick as a whale shark’s by now.”
“Well, it’s just that he’s done a lot of patrols around Tilssted,” Andre said apologetically. “Especially around the outer rim of it, which is, you know…”
“The roughest part of the triple kingdoms,” Merletta supplied. “Don’t worry, I have no illusions about the neighborhood I grew up in.”
Andre nodded. “So he’s seen some pretty appalling conditions and, if I’m honest, some pretty appalling behavior. He said that he would never have believed that someone from that part of Tilssted could make it to the second year of the training program. He thinks you must be exceptional to have succeeded with such a disadvantage.”
Merletta was silent for a moment, taking Andre’s words in. It wasn’t the first time she’d heard such a comment. It was an odd feeling, to have someone she’d never met, someone more senior, experienced, and influential than her, assessing her as exceptional. She’d been proud of herself when she made it into the program against all opposition, but she hadn’t imagined how notable her achievement would be in the triple kingdoms more widely.