Fuck. This isn’t what I wanted to do on her birthday. I haven’t even had the chance to make her Sunday breakfast of granola and strawberry-blueberry-peach fruit mix.
“Couch girl, breathe.” I slowly place one knee forward, trying to get close to her but also making sure she isn’t startled. “Rose.” I cup her face in my hands and mentally kick myself. I know, even though Rose has agreed to my proposal, that she isn’t ready for the next step.
But why the fuck not?
I’m not having any second thoughts. Is she? I don’t think so. I hate my fucking head for even considering it. She thanks me repeatedly for wanting her, for fuck’s sake. If it were up to me, I’d drag her to the courthouse now and get that marriage license. I want to always keep her with me and never let her go.
Super cool, Zander. Maybe your impatience is scaring her away.
My hands clutching the bedsheets loosen their grip when I glance up. Her eyes are shut tight, but she breathes deeply through her nose. Her shoulders rise and fall as she tries to hold her breath. Being a witness of this action several times before, I know she’s thinking of her happy moment, which is now our engagement day.
“Rose,” I urge, and she opens her worried eyes.
“I haven’t made a decision, couch girl. I just thought, if you would like, we could look at some properties…to stay at together. But you don’t have to say yes. As I said, it’s just a thought.” When she thankfully doesn’t flinch at my words, I continue. “I’d really like to come home to you in the evenings and spend my weekends with you, lazing on a couch with no hurry of being anywhere else.”
“Zander!” My name falls from her lips as if she’s scared to say anything more. Looking at her response, as always, I question our decision.
Did she accept my proposal in haste?
Did she need more time?
Why isn’t she jumping up and down in excitement at the thought of us living together?
I pull her close to my chest. Her anxiety has made me anxious.
“Baby, like I said, it’s just a thought. We can think about it, even do a trial run, and you always have the option to say no. You know that, right?”
She nods hesitantly against my chest.
I kiss her forehead and whisper, “Rose, the things you do to me are beyond words. If I could, I’d never let you go, even for a minute. But I also don’t want to bulldoze you into doing something you’re not comfortable with.”
“You don’t bulldoze me, Zander. You could never bulldoze me.” She looks up from my chest, and I notice her misty eyes. “But what if…I fail to fulfill your expectations.”
“There are no expectations, babe. When I met you, I had no clue what was missing in my life. I just want you and your love. That’s all I need.”
Every time I think Rose’s insecurities are subsiding, something like this happens. But I’ll spend my lifetime reassuring her of my love.
She stays huddled in my arms, silent, and I worry. Despite everyone’s efforts to bring Rose and me together, maybe her doubts about herself will win and we’ll still be living miles apart.
But then she says, “This doesn’t change anything, right? We’ll not start looking at wedding dates or anything?”
“No, sweetheart. It’s just a proposition from your fiancé to move in together.” I hold my breath.
“I’d love to see some houses with you.”
6
ROSE
As the elevator takes me to the floor of my office at the R&D department of Elixir Inc., my mind drifts back to yesterday. Zander and I spent the day surfing the internet for properties. I didn’t know there were so many options—condo, penthouse, studio, service apartment, cottage, duplex, villa, and the list goes on. You say a letter and there’s a house style beginning with it.
I grew up in Kindred Hearts Orphanage and later moved to the university dorm. When Kristy and I took jobs in Cherrywood, we found an ad from Mr. Hart in the supermarket. He was searching for tenants for the bottom unit of his two-story house, and I’m still living there. I’m so glad I didn’t have more options back then because I’d be completely lost, just like I am now.
After dumping my laptop bag in my office, I leave to look for Kristy.
“Kristy.” I enter her office, only to find her pressed at some weird angle on a wall holding company branding pics while Oscar ravishes her lips.
Instead of the enticing scene, my eyes rivet on a picture where Zander is receiving some award. Dressed in a classic business suit, he’s just making his way down a ramp. And to think, this man wants to live with me. Why?