“Could it be that we’ve just been exceptionally unlucky?” There is some noise on Hannah’s side of the line. Maybe she is sharpening a shiv. “Could it be that the tides will turn and we’ll finally meet dudes who don’t deserve to be fed a bowl of thumbtacks?”
“It could be,” I say. Be positive, Helena used to tell me. Negativity is for old farts like me. “Really, everything could be. It could be that we’ll be randomly selected for a lifetime supply of Nutella.”
Sadie snorts. “It could be that the surrealist slam poem I wrote in third grade will win me the Nobel Prize for literature.”
“That my cactus will actually bloom this year.”
“That they’ll start producing Twizzlers ice cream.”
“That Firefly will get the final season it deserves.”
No one talks for a few seconds. Until Hannah says: “Mara, you broke the flow. Come up with something delightful and yet unobtainable.”
“Oh, right. Uhm, it could be that Liam will come home, and ask me not to move out, and then he’ll bend me over the nearest piece of furniture and fuck me hard and fast.” By the time I’ve finished the sentence, Sadie is laughing and Hannah is whistling.
“Hard and fast, huh?”
“Yup.” I shake my head. “Absolutely preposterous, though.”
“Nah. Well, no more than my slam poem,” Sadie concedes. “So, how goes the unrequited crush?”
“It’s not really a crush.” Plenty unrequited, though.
“I thought we had agreed that fantasizing about being bent over the kitchen sink does, in fact, constitute a crush?”
I huff. “Fine. It’s... good. Barely there, really. I don’t really daydream about having sex with him that often.” Liar. What a liar. “Still in the larval stage.” It’s hitting its teenage years and is strong as an ox. “I think that some distance will be good. I have a lead on a cheap-ish apartment downtown.” I’ll miss this place. I’ll miss feeling close to Helena. I’ll miss the way Liam makes fun of me for being unable to learn the buttons of the stupid PlayStation controllers. So, so much.
“And you’re sure Liam’s okay with you leaving?”
“It’s what he wants.” Things have been a little weird in the past week. Awkward. A bit of a step back for us, but... I’ll be fine. It’ll be fine. “I think it’ll go away. The crush.”
“Right,” Sadie agrees, without looking much like she does agree.
“Very soon,” I add.
“I’m sure.”
“I just need him to... never find out about the furniture fantasies,” I explain.
“Hm.”
“Because it would make things weird for us,” I explain. “For him.”
“Yeah.”
“And he doesn’t deserve it.”
“No.”
“He’s a good friend. Also, he’s in the middle of making lots of life changes. I want to be supportive. And I like hanging out with him.”
“Yup.”
“Basically, I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable around me.”
“Nope.”
“Anyway.” My cheeks feel warm. It must be all the wine. “We should talk about something else.”