He swallowed and struggled to pull his jeans over his legs. The woman across the seat pulled a large sweatshirt over her chest, her cheeks turning redder with each second that passed.
I looked over his license and paperwork, declining to run the information through the system in my squad car.
“Mr. Morin, your license says your home address is 758 Red Fern Lane,” I said. “Is that up to date?”
“Yes, sir.”
“That means your house is literally up the street.” I looked at him. “Did your truck run out of gas?”
“No, I just proposed over dinner.” He smiled. “She said yes.”
“I can literally see your house from right here.” I pointed to it. “Why couldn’t you just drive all the way home?”
“We wanted to have sex on the bridge …” his girlfriend said softly. “It’s in direct view of the pig farm, so we thought it would enhance our sex.”
I said nothing, unsure of how to respond to that. I debated whether or not I should give them a ticket, whether this was worthy of paperwork or not.
“I’m going to let you off with a warning tonight,” I said, “But if I happen to pull either of you over within the next six months for something as insignificant as going one mile over the speed limit, I’ll be sure that you sit in jail for an entire weekend. You got that?”
“Yes, sir,” they said in unison.
“Good.” I stepped back. “Get out of here.”
He started rolling up the window, but then he paused and rolled it back down.
“I have a quick question, Officer.” He tapped his chin. “Does your warning mean we can pick up where we left off right now, and the next time I sit in jail, or do I need to drive off at this moment?”
“You’ve got thirty seconds to drive the hell out of my sight or I’m arresting both of you.”
He climbed over the seat and fastened his seatbelt, cranking the engine and pulling onto the main lane.
I watched as he drove for all of thirty seconds and pulled into a driveway up the street.
I returned to the car and took a long sip of my coffee, wondering just how long it would take to forget every “oink” I’d heard.
“Wow.” Officer Harlow handed me a donut. “Two intense calls back to back in one night. This is kind of like being in those big cities for you again, huh?”
“Cedar Falls is nothing like any of those cities.”
“Because it’s ten times better, right?”
I didn’t answer that. “Let’s go over some things for your final test next month.”
I cranked the engine and pulled onto the street. Before I could ask her to tell me the proper protocol for discharging a weapon—a rule I was certain she’d never use in this town, a call came in from dispatch.
“Officer Benson?” a light voice said. “Are you finished with that distress call on Seventh Avenue?”
“You all have no idea what ‘distress call’ means …”
“What was that, sir?”
“Yes,” I said. “I’m done with the distress call.”
“Good. We have a 10-5 at 71 Maple Avenue. Three years old, male.”
“A 10-5, 10-4.” Officer Harlow shot me a look. “A missing child …”
“We’re prepping an Amber alert,” the voice said. “Other officers are in route.”
I sped toward downtown, weaving though lines of tourists’ cars. When I finally arrived at the scene, the sirens of other squad cars were blaring, and a few of my fellow officers were surrounding a crying woman in a pink bathrobe.
Her hair was frazzled, and she was pacing the sidewalk.
“Ma’am,” I said, pulling out my notepad. “I understand how difficult this is for you, but I need to ask you a few questions. Okay?”
She nodded, tears falling down her face.
“When did you last see your child?” I said. “Can you tell us what he was wearing?”
“I have pictures,” she said, pulling her phone from her pocket. She held it up to me, showing me pictures of a grey and white Siberian husky.
What the fuck? “You told dispatch that your dog was a missing child?”
“He is my child!” Her eyes went wide. “He’s been gone two hours and I’m sure he hasn’t eaten!”
“Ma’am …” I was seconds away from losing my shit. “This is exactly why we have a separate, highly-qualified pet rescue team. I do understand what it’s like to lose a pet, but telling dispatch that—”
“He’s not a pet! He’s not a fucking pet!” Her eyes nearly bulged out of her skull. “He’s family!”
Okay, to hell with it. “Do you have any idea how many expensive resources we’re wasting right now?” I pointed up at the helicopter that was now roaming above the town. “Any idea how many unnecessary officers are about to punch the clock for this?”
“None!” She screamed. “You’re not wasting anything, and I need all the help I can get.”