‘It doesn’t mean anything, it’s just a memory.’ She was crying now, reaching for her bag, trying to get to it before he could, but he had her wallet and tore through it, searching every compartment, holding it out of her reach above his head. Then he held the two photo strips in his hands, and she sank back onto the bed, any hope of retrieving them, gone. Fred and Audrey kissing, Fred and Audrey happy. Fred and Audrey, soulmates.
He shook his head, closed his eyes, as Audrey sobbed, ‘Josh, I love you—’
‘But you kept this,’ he said, hurt juddering his words. ‘All these years. Why?’
‘It was a moment in time. It meant something to me then. The person I used to be.’
‘So, he’s right.’
She couldn’t lie anymore, not now. ‘There was a time, I did think about him,’ she conceded. ‘But it was a fantasy, it was never real.’
Only as she said it did she realise how true this was. Fred had always been a ‘what if’, a symbol of everything that might have been – what if she hadn’t failed her maths exam, what if she’d never gone to the gallery with Benedict, what if she hadn’t ruined her mother’s relationship for a third time. Josh looked down at the strip of photos, then threw them onto the bed, raking both hands through his hair. ‘Well, you can have your fantasy, Audrey, I’m done. Do you think you’re an easy person to love? You’re not. But I did, unreservedly, every minute of every day, and now I see you never felt that way about me. I sensed deep down you were holding something back.’
‘Josh no. You’re wrong. I did, I do, I do love you!’ Audrey cried.
But Josh wasn’t listening. He’d already picked up his suitcase, which stood on the floor, waiting to be unpacked, and stormed out of the room.
Audrey pulled off her dress, it was restricting her ability to move, to run, and she needed to go after him. As she stood in her underwear, looking for something to put on, she almost didn’t notice that Fred was standing in the hallway.
‘Audrey, I’m sorry—’ Fred started talking, and Audrey looked up at him, wearing only her pants and bra. She strode into the hall and spoke right into his face.
‘How dare you walk into my life like this and tear it all down? I said no! Last night I said no, today I said no, I didn’t choose you, I chose Josh.’
‘You kissed me back,’ he said firmly.
She screamed up at the ceiling, a guttural, animal cry, just as Hillary, Clara, and Vivien came up the stairs into the corridor. She screamed again, kicking the wall, as her audience looked on, wide-eyed.
‘Right,’ said Clara, stepping forward and steering a half-naked Audrey back into the bedroom. She looked around the room for some clothes. ‘Let’s get dressed, shall we, take this down a notch? This is all feeling a little Kardashian.’
‘I don’t want to calm down!’ Audrey screamed.
‘Darling, are you quite well? Everyone can hear you. Why are you in your underwear? Where is Josh going?’ Vivien asked.
Audrey looked out of the window and saw Josh getting into his car.
‘Hillary, Josh is leaving. Please, please stop him.’
Hillary did as he was asked, running down the corridor, and they heard the thud of his feet thundering down the stairs.
‘Why are you here?’ Vivien asked Fred, looking back and forth between him and Audrey, her eyes snagging on Audrey’s bra and pants.
‘I’ll give you some space, shall I?’ Fred said to Audrey, his eyes pleading for some kind of reassurance.
She picked up the kettle from the side table and threw it at the wall.
‘Okay, and scene. Do I need to call a doctor?’ Vivien asked. ‘Have you taken something?’
‘You need to go,’ Clara told Fred, but he had already turned to leave.
‘Audrey,’ Vivien said firmly. ‘A little decorum, please.’
Audrey ran to the window to see Hillary run out into the driveway, but he was too late. Josh’s car, which had ‘Just Married’ written on the back and cans trailing from the back bumper, was already driving away. Then all the fight left her. Her rage evaporated, and she sank to the floor, knowing, deep down, that she had no one to blame but herself.
Why had she been dwelling on Benedict today, on Fred, on Vivien? Why had she let her mind filter her relationship with Josh and show it to her through a distorted, doubting lens? She knew that was not the whole picture, that she had left out so much of the story.