Selena let out a burst of hysterical laughter. “No. God, no! Do you want him to have one more thing he can hold over my head?” She shook her head frantically. “No.”
Jo swallowed. If Mick knew Selena was carrying his child, there was no telling what he would do. Selena was right. There was no reasoning with a man who routinely abused the actresses he worked with.
Jo remembered their encounter in her dressing room and shuddered.
Selena covered her face with her hands and sobbed. Jo hugged her closer, running soothing hands down her arms.
After a few minutes of sobbing against Jo’s chest, she finally raised her head. Jo took a handkerchief from her wardrobe and handed it to Selena. She cleaned herself up and blew her nose before speaking. “I remember that night as clearly as if it happened yesterday. We were talking about the performance, and he was complaining about how easy it was for us ladies to find protectors, while he, with all his charm, was looked upon as a servant. And even if he had relations with the ladies, he would never be set up in a townhouse like us. And on top of that, he had to answer to you…” She shook her head. “He was vile with his hatred, but suddenly he started kissing me. I don’t know how that happened or what turn in conversation prompted it. I told him I didn’t want to. I asked him to let go of me, but he didn’t.” Her voice hitched on another sob.
“Selena… You don’t have to tell me,” Jo said, her heart squeezing.
She remembered Mick’s vile attempts at seduction. She remembered him pushing her to her knees and grimaced, shaking the thoughts from her mind.
“But he continued kissing me, touching me in every sort of way, making my body react. When he felt that I was aroused, he laughed and told me that he knew I was lying. He knew I wanted him. So I… I closed my eyes and forced myself to enjoy it because I knew otherwise it would hurt.”
Bile rose in Jo’s throat, and she looked away from Selena’s pain. She couldn’t handle it. She couldn’t continue listening to it. She couldn’t imagine what she would have done in her place. Selena had to convince herself that she had feelings for that monster because otherwise, it would be too painful to admit to herself that she’d been forced… used… raped.
Jo remembered the ripped gown and the mark on Selena’s arm, and she cursed herself for not asking sooner. For not forcing her friend to confide in her. But what if she had? What would have Jo done?
She couldn’t answer that question.
“I always protect myself. I use armor or a sponge. I am always careful, but that time… Mick didn’t give me time to—” Selena grimaced and turned away. “I used all the other means after our encounter, but apparently none of that helped.”
Jo couldn’t help but scrunch up her face from the pain. Poor, poor Selena. And because of that man’s arrogance and his vileness, Selena now faced ruin. She risked losing her job, and she risked her health, while he risked nothing.
“What do you want to do?” Jo asked quietly.
Selena raised her head. “I can’t be with child, Jo. Especially not that monster’s child. I can’t.” Panic rang in her voice as her gaze glittered with unshed tears. “And once it becomes obvious and my stomach becomes rounded, I won’t be allowed on stage anymore. I can’t lose my income. I shall starve!”
“No, you won’t.” Jo ran a soothing hand along her spine. “We shall take care of this. I shall help you.”
“You know the fate of women in our profession,” Selena continued with a glassy gaze, as if not hearing Jo’s words. “If I was a popular actress in Covent Garden or if I had a wealthy protector perhaps my fate would be different. But you know what happens to women like us. The moment the child is born, I shall have nowhere to go. I shan’t have a place to work except for the whorehouse, and I can’t…” She burst into tears again.
Jo’s heart squeezed, her stomach churning.I know.
I know;she wanted to cry at the top of her lungs if she thought that would help.
That’s exactly what had happened to Jo’s mother. The moment the popular actress became with child, she’d lost it all: her protector, the adoration of the men around her, her work. And then it all got even worse from there.
But that wasn’t the only reason Jo knew she was right. Jo had almost lost it all herself.
She squeezed her eyes shut. She wouldn’t let that happen to her friend. “What of your protector? Can’t he help?”
A raw sob left Selena’s mouth, and she shook her head. “Oh, Jo!” Selena lifted her head and wiped at her tears. “He ended our relations before the house party. Even if the child was his, he wouldn’t help. Nobody wants a mistress’s child. You know about this, perhaps more than anyone.”
Jo swallowed. Selena’s words cut open the raw wound in her heart.Nobody wants a mistress’s child.She was right. And Jo had gone through hell learning that lesson. She wouldn’t let Selena suffer the same way. “Is it past the quickening yet?”
Selena took a few deep breaths. “I don’t know. I don’t know how to know…”
“You’d feel it,” Jo said. “Or at least, that’s what I heard….” She paused, thinking. If the child was indeed the result of that sordid night between Selena and Mick at the house party, then it was still early and they could seek a good, legitimate doctor.
“You need a doctor,” Jo reaffirmed.
Selena let out a bitter chuckle. “I don’t have money for a doctor. That’s why I am here.”
Jo nodded. “I have some money. I can… I was saving up—”
Selena placed her hand on Jo’s arm, calming her frantic words. “No, dear. Not the money. I shall not take a penny from you. It’s not like you have much more than I do.”