And damn my eyes if it doesn’t.
*
If he hadn’tdanced a waltz with Isobel, he would have been fine, but as Royce guided her through the last circuit about the floor, he knew beyond every doubt that he was the biggest bacon-brained idiot to ever have existed in London. By rights neither of them should be out in society, and to be truthful, this was the only dance they’d each indulged in, but there was a certain headiness in escorting her about the floor for all and sundry to see.
To be sure, this was the last time such a thing would occur, and for the moment she felt all too right in his arms. He didn’t know how she did it but the gown of dyed-black silk with tiny jet beads lining the scandalously low neckline suited her pale complexion. The only splash of color she’d allowed this night was a teardrop-shaped ruby on a silver chain, and with each dip and turn, the gemstone bounced at the hollow between her collarbones. It matched the ruby ring she’d taken to wearing since they’d begun their affair nearly a month ago.
“I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you wear jewelry.” His own clothing was black by the requisite dress code, but his waistcoat was a dark charcoal hue, and he wore a black cravat to better signify his mourning status. “Do you have an aversion to it the same as you have for title men of the ton?”
Damn, he hadn’t meant to mention that this evening, but it had slipped out anyway.
Amusement twinkled in her sapphire eyes. “I do, actually. In many ways, I believe that displaying one’s wealth is abhorrent and unneeded. Society has become convoluted in many ways. People should let their good acts and leadership speak for them instead of riches.”
Every time he was in her company, he learned something new about her. For all Isobel’s penchants for creating scandal and sensation, she was remarkably down to earth. “Unfortunately, coin is what makes much of the world we know work.”
“Bah.” She shook her head. Jet-encrusted combs sparkled in her dark brown hair. “There are many aspects of the ton I despise simply because they’re not fair, and the wealth divisions within England are appalling when one thinks about them. Yet men at the helm in Parliament do nothing except argue against the men trying to make a difference.”
The steps of the waltz brought them close to the terrace doors that had been thrown open to encourage the cool night air into the overly crowded room. “Why do you care so much about that? You were hardly raised in poverty, nor are you facing such extreme circumstances.” With the touch of his fingers on the small of her back, he swept her through the doors and into the midnight-shrouded terrace.
“Surely you’ve seen for yourself the disparity of our world when you treat patients at your clinic.” When he nodded and pulled her into the shadows, she sighed. “All of the recent upheaval in my life and family has shown me that I have an overwhelming responsibility to do something with the privileges I’ve been born with.” Her eyes twinkled in the dim illumination. “For the first time I feel like I have a purpose instead of merely waiting for the next scandal.”
His respect for her soared. “That’s a wonderful sentiment. What will you do?”
“I don’t know yet.” She shook her head. “I haven’t had much time to think about it since this notion just came to me in the last few days.” Her laughter sounded a trifle forced. “Having one’s stomach revolt lends one time to ruminate on many things.”
Royce frowned, immediately alert. “Are you ill? Trey told me you’d nearly fainted at the clinic the day your mother died.”
Grief shadowed her eyes, covering the previous liveliness. “I think everything going on has taken a toll. Exhaustion is catching up with me. As for the illness, perhaps I ate something that didn’t agree with me.” She shrugged, and once more his gaze dropped to her décolletage. What he wouldn’t give to take full advantage and taste that silky skin, enjoy those perfect breasts. “I hardly believe it’s cause for worry.”
He knew an acute urge and longing to delve into the reason she wasn’t feeling quite the thing. After all, he was a doctor and healing people was what he’d been called to do. How could he give that up merely to do his duty to the title? Icy fingers of fear played down his spine. How the devil could he balance the two while keeping Isobel in the mix?
The bald truth was that he couldn’t. Something had to give, and unfortunately, it was his relationship with her. “Perhaps.” The longer he delayed his original intentions for this evening, the more difficult it would be the make the break from her. So why, damn it all, didn’t he say the words?
She took hold of his cravat and tugged him deeper into the shadows until they were out of sight from the doors of the ballroom. “I wouldn’t say no to a thorough examination from you, Doctor.” The heat of her breath skated along his cheek and chin as she pressed her body against his. “I’m quite certain you can easily summon your carriage…”
Oh, she was a tempting baggage indeed, and one he’d so easily become addicted to. Cold regret slid through his gut like the most unwanted of serpents. “Isobel.” He took hold of her hands to prevent further exploration that would land them both into trouble. “There is something I must say to you that I cannot put off.”
“All right.” She edged backward until she hovered on the edge of the golden pool of light made by the open ballroom doors. Like a lamb to the slaughter, Royce followed. “What is it?”
The longing that filled her expression set fire to his own desire that all he wished to do in this moment was spirit her away and take his fill of her body until they were both too sated to do anything else. But that madness had to stop lest he’d never climb out of the miasma of confusion he’d fallen into. “Circumstances between us have changed since we began this affair. I think you can agree about that.”
“I do, for course, but that doesn’t mean we must let them affect our enjoyment.”
“Oh, but it does, for a myriad of reasons.” This would prove more difficult than he’d anticipated. “I have a title now, Isobel. I’m an earl of some standing. That means something and demands that I appear above reproach within society, that I keep scandal and the potential for it far from my door.” He hated himself for every word he said, but it couldn’t be helped. “Like you, I’ve been thinking upon the purpose of my life. I have reach and power that I’ve not had before, and I need to decide how to use that.”
“Gammon.” She huffed and it ruffled a few curls on her forehead. “You never wanted to be the earl. Now suddenly you’re acting as if you’re the authority on it?”
“No, of course not, but I can’t ignore my responsibilities.” Damn but he was mucking this up. When he went to take her hand, she snatched it away.
“What exactly are you trying to say, Doctor?”
God, but he despised everything about this night. “We must end our affair. It’s too risky to continue.”
Shock moved over her face quickly followed by grief that went deeper than merely losing her mother. In fact, if he peered more closely, the grief bordered on devastating. “Then don’t call what we have that. You can’t toss our relationship away as if it means nothing.” She snapped her fingers and dropped her voice. “Make me your mistress, I don’t care, but please don’t shut me out of your life.”
“You’re not cut of the same cloth as women who occupy that moniker.”
She snorted. “Isn’t that what I was before you had a title? Neither of us were squeamish about it three days ago. Why is us continuing on in the same vein so abhorrent? Many titled men in the ton conduct affairs.”