“What?” Again, Fanny’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. “Lady Jane’s brother?”
“Yes.” Isobel nodded. “We’ve had two occasions this past week to be in each other’s company, and…” A delicious shiver went down her spine. “And we’ve kissed twice.”
“How wonderful!” Fanny clapped a hand over her mouth after the exclamation escaped. Then, lowering her voice to the barest of whispers, she asked, “How was it? Are you in love?”
By sheer willpower alone, Isobel managed to not point her gaze heavenward or response in a snippy manner. “The kisses were unlike any others I’ve shared with men to this point. And no, I’m not in love. That is a state not meant for me. It causes more problems than it solves.” The remembrance of the arguments her parents used to have only solidified her resolve to never find herself in the wedded state. She shook her head. “I’m not in the market for marriage or romance, Fanny.” Being so vulnerable in front of another person, who supposedly held one’s heart in their hands, sent prickles of terror through her chest. “I’ve made my peace with that.”
“It’s not the prison you might think.” Fanny’s eyes were kinds as she looked at Isobel. “With the right man—”
“Please, stop.” Isobel waved a hand. “Don’t give me the platitudes.”
Fanny sighed. “Then what do you want?”
Oh, the list was quite long. Perhaps ambitious, even. “First and foremost, I want the freedom to explore. Not only a man’s body in the physical sense, but to discover who I am in all this mess.” She waved a hand, presumably to encompass her house, her family, her place in existence. “Beyond that, I want a man to understand me, for him to dive beneath the surface of who I am, find the tangled, messy parts, and wish to continue our association anyway.” Her words trailed off into silence for the space of several heartbeats. “Above everything right now, I want to act highly improper and have an affair.”
Beyond that, the yearning to fit in or belong to someone while her world constantly shifted burned strong. Over the years, she’d always been overlooked, ignored, lectured. Was there someone out there who would see her for her?
“But that means you’ll forsake the most important, the most satisfying part of a relationship with a man.” Fanny’s eyes rounded in shock. “Why?”
Isobel snorted. “I’m willing to wager being bedded is very satisfying.”
A fierce blush raged in Fanny’s cheeks. “Well, I won’t say that it isn’t quite wonderful…”
“I want that for myself, for I feel as if my life is wasting away just as Mother’s is only in a different way.” The admission shocked her, but she refused to take it back. Another round of heat infused her cheeks. “Besides, Doctor Marsden is the best candidate.”
“Why do you say that, and how can you know?”
Isobel leaned forward. The remembrance of his lips against her, the scent of him, the press of his body as he’d trapped her between him, and wall all worked to send languid trails of warmth through her body. But she kept those details to herself. Instead, she said, “He doesn’t currently have a title, his life is his own, and he’s an outsider like me.”
“Has he agreed to a tryst?” Fanny’s eyes remained rounded with astonishment.
“Not in so many words, but I’m confident I can bring him ’round.”
Her friend frowned. “Then why do you want my advice if you already have a plan?”
“I want you to tell me this is a good step for my future.” Honestly, it didn’t matter, for she’d do whatever she wanted anyway.
Fanny’s lower jaw dropped. “How can having an illicit affair be good for anyone’s future?” Slowly, she shook her head. “If you’re caught or found out, your reputation will be completely ruined. And then what will you do? Up until this point, you’ve hovered on the edge of scandal without much damage. But this?”
“What difference does it make? I’m a Storme, and everyone knows the Storme family is full of rumor-worthy happenings. Some days I wonder if everyone in the ton is watching me merely to see what scandalbroth I’ll land in next.” That was a sad state of affairs. Even though the Storme connection seemed larger than life, they were good people and were changing the world in their own ways.
I want that for my life.
“I understand that, but if you give them exactly what they expect, what sort of lady does that make you?” Compassion pooled in Fanny’s eyes. She leaned over the side of her chair and flung out a hand, which Isobel took. “Do you feel a connection with the doctor?”
“Yes. It grows stronger each time we see each other, but beyond that, I feel he’ll make a fine friend.” Isobel squeezed Fanny’s fingers. “He makes me feel both naughty and powerful.” Briefly, she explained about dragging him to the ball. “Never once does he deny my plans, and I’ve not questioned him about that.” She allowed a small grin. “It’s a bit flattering.”
“I suppose it would be, to have a man blindly follow you into anything.” Fanny released her hand. “William is like that on occasion. It’s adorable.”
Isobel nodded. Envy speared through her tight chest. She might not want marriage and the cage therein, but she’d love to have the closeness with a man that Fanny had. “Knowing me as you do, you won’t condemn me for this choice. Will you?” Why could men have all the trysts, assignations, and affairs they wanted and were often lauded for it among their circle of friends, but when a woman announced the same, she was labeled a prostitute?
“Of course not.”
“I feel compelled to find entertainment before Mother dies. I don’t want to arrive at the end of my life without have knowing what it feels like to lie with a man,” she admitted in a whisper. “Perhaps my family will finally notice me as a person and not a Storme.”
“Oh, Isobel, when will you learn that being a Storme isn’t as horrible as you believe?” Then an expression of panic crossed Fanny’s face and she sprang up from her chair with fingers pressed to her lips. “If this is truly what you want to do, I say enjoy it, but be as discreet as you can.” A gagging noise emanated from her. “I’d hate to see you banished to Derbyshire. It’s so far away…” Then with a strangled sort of cry, she ran from the room, no doubt to cast up her accounts in a nearby potted plant.
Ivan, ever sensitive to the changing moods of the family, trotted after her.