“Yes, thank you. I’ll ring if we should need anything else. And if his family comes home, immediately show them in.”
Once they left and the door closed behind them, Fanny crossed the room. She shoved the instrument into William’s hands. “Play and don’t stop until you’re ready to talk or until you’ve sorted your mind. You need healing; this will help.”
He stared blankly up into her face then his fingers curled around the violin’s neck and the bow. “I never thought you the managing type.”
She allowed a small smile. “Then you know me not at all. Don’t journalists need to have a backbone?” As he stood and drifted toward the windows where sunlight streamed into the room, Fanny took his spot on the sofa and settled in to fix a cup of tea. Really, this afternoon had been trying.
For the next half hour, William performed two long pieces with such emotion and passion, she felt the music move through her. He ended his stint with a quick and jaunty number that had her smiling at the playfulness of the notes. Surely that meant he’d worked through some of what bothered him.
Yet, no sooner had he laid the violin and bow onto a chair and sank onto the cushion beside her than the blue devils descended once more. “Don’t shut me out, William. Let me see the man you try so hard to hide so that I may help you with all you labor under.” She held his gaze. “That’s what partners do.”
“I understand what you’re trying to say.” Shadows haunted his eyes. “But everything just now… it’s all too much. The pressures and responsibilities are drowning me.”
“Then share them with me. Let me carry them for a while so you might rest.” Never had she been more certain of anything in her life. This man was her future, and while that brought worries and anxieties personally to her, she wouldn’t budge from that decision.
He gave her a curt nod before fixing his gaze on the blue-and-white china teapot. “The answers on this case elude me. I know they’re there, but I can’t see them. It’s as if the picture were shattered and I don’t know where the pieces fit.”
“That’s understandable. There are many theories to assess. Many lives that have been broken because of this person who apparently has a thirst to kill, but you didn’t attain your position if you weren’t good at what you do. Be patient with yourself.”
“It sounds so simple when you say it that way.” He glanced at her. “However, you are in danger because of me and this case. That’s something I hadn’t anticipated. Now that we’re… close and involved personally, knowing you might come to harm terrifies the hell out of me.” He blew out a breath. “It’s no longer merely me out there on the knife’s edge.”
Fanny’s heart squeezed. She didn’t dare touch him, not yet, not when they were making progress. “Everything comes with a risk, William. Even if you didn’t work for Bow Street, you’d no doubt feel the same.”
“Why?”
“I could get trampled by a carriage, fall victim to disease, or any number of things that might threaten my life. You can’t blame yourself for that and neither can you protect me from them. The best any of us can do is live our lives to the fullest and enjoy each day as it comes.”
“That in and of itself is another worry.” He rubbed an eye. “I don’t know where the two of us are at together, but I do know I’m not who you need.”
A niggle of pain went through her chest, but she ignored it, for he spoke out of fear. “Such gammon. I’m willing to wager you know exactly where you and I stand, but you’re hiding behind fear, just as you told me yesterday I was.”
“Must you bedevil me with facts?”
She shrugged. “I am a journalist.”
That brought out a faint grin reminiscent of the man she’d come to know and love. “Dear Francesca.” Then it faded and he shook his head. “My sister Caroline is lost to me right now; Andrew usurped her and has taken up her care as if I don’t exist.”
Ah yes, the contretemps from the Christmastide house party he still hadn’t squared with. “Have you ever considered that your cousin did this, so you won’t need to add to the burdens you already struggle with? That he might feel more qualified because he’s an earl and wants to do right by the Storme family where both your fathers failed?”
“Honestly, I didn’t give thought to any of that.”
“Because the anger is familiar, easy, but isn’t it time to let some of that go?” This time she dared to place a hand over his. “Trust Andrew that he knows how to smooth over the jagged pieces. Trust Caroline that she will find her own way now that she’s been given that chance. Trust in yourself and your instincts.”
For one heart stopping second, she feared William might crumple into sobs, but he nodded, his eyes filling with tears, his jaw clenched so tight the muscles stood out against his skin. “It’s a process.”
“Everything is, but above all, you must forgive yourself. None of that is your fault, but you have a chance to finally pull free from familial matters that have weighed you down.”
“I know, and I’m trying.” He again clung to her hand and threaded their fingers together. “My other sister Isobel is out of control. She’s a scandal—or five—waiting to happen.”
Fanny snorted. “I’ll agree with you there, but she’s great fun. That’s a point in her favor. Hopefully soon she’ll settle. No doubt she struggles with similar issues as you do. Give her space and a chance. She might surprise everyone.”
“Or I might be forced to banish her to Derbyshire with her damned dog.” His chuckle sounded rusty, but it was there, nonetheless.
“What else? I can see there’s more in your eyes.” At least she was learning more about what drove him.
He released a sigh. “My mother is dying, Francesca,” he continued in a low voice. “I’ve tried to overlook her illness or ignore it for another day, but I can’t any longer. I feel as if my world is shifting beneath my feet faster than I can keep up.” Despair hung in his voice. A tear fell to his cheek. “I don’t like the changes, but I can’t stop them.”
Fanny wanted to hold him in that moment, to stroke his hair and promise him that everything would come out right in the end, but she didn’t, merely held his hand. “Change oftentimes ushers in even better moments. And in all things, change is inevitable, especially if we wish to grow, see better days.”