“Surely not all. There are good men everywhere, just as there are bad.” She nodded to a few young ladies they passed. The three were garbed in pretty dresses of varying pastels with stylish bonnets that didn’t have the excessively large brim that blocked her vision. They giggled and sent curious looks at William, for after everything, he was still a fine-looking man, and eligible. What she wouldn’t do to have a couple of friends. It would certainly make life more interesting and would save her from being alone with her thoughts. “It’s not good to tar every man with the same brush.”
“Honestly, Elizabeth, such talk isn’t Christian.” Exasperation echoed in his voice. “Especially when there are so many souls to save in this town. I can feel their sins in the very air we breathe.”
“Be careful, William. You are not above sin yourself.” She frowned. Why couldn’t a person have concern for the lost and find joy in their surroundings or fellow inhabitants? “I’m curious about the inhabitants of Ipswich, though. The stories sailors must have to tell! Can you imagine life not connected to land?” What must that feel like? “There is so much world beyond the horizon. I often find myself sad I’ll never experience it.”
“Allowing your mind to dwell on things outside of the church will lead you down the wrong path.”
“Toward what?” If that path held excitement and possible adventure, she most certainly wished to explore it. Anything was better than watching the world go by while she sat embroidering an endless supply of baby gowns for infants she’d never hold in her arms. That was her project currently, for there was no end to babies belonging to the poor in Ipswich, and they all needed clothing. Babies arrived regardless of one’s circumstances.
“Ruin and scandal most certainly.” William grunted. “You need to find a godly man to keep you busy, so these types of rebellious thoughts won’t rot your brain.”
Indignation twisted up her spine. “So you won’t have the responsibility of me?” When he didn’t answer, she continued. “I had a man once, or at least the promise of a husband, but the war took him regardless that he was a chaplain.”
Jacob had been nice enough and most certainly polite who adored his vocation, but there’d been no excitement between them, no certain feelings that might sweep her away into scandal. Their engagement had been arranged by William. Jacob had never stolen a kiss, let alone wanted to do anything else with her. Only once had they held hands. As suitors went, he was quite dull. Perhaps it had been an unanswered prayer he’d been taken from her, for she couldn’t imagine a lifetime with him.
Was it too much to ask that God might send her the man she needed, despite everything? To date, it hadn’t happened, and so she continued to embroider baby clothes. Still, her brother’s attitude rankled. “Perhaps this time around I’ll choose a more daring man.” Where had that thought sprung from? “A man who is so different from Jacob the whole of my attention will be on him. Then you won’t need to worry about me.”
William shook his head. “Marriage is not supposed to be thrilling. It’s to glorify God and further the species so that the Word might be spread.”
At the last second, Elizabeth tamped the urge to scoff. “Only a nodcock would think that.” No, she certainly hadn’t gained control of her tongue. Guilt threaded through her insides. If one chose to take William’s opinion as fact, that meant there was not time for sailing or fun or laughter or a bit of naughtiness that happened between a man and a woman. Then why would anyone wish for such a union? “There is no reason a woman can’t have enjoyment in the wedded state along with someone who shows the proper respect for the Lord. Life is not made up of absolutes. Indeed, that’s the glory of it.”
At least, that had been her hope. As of yet, she’d not seen evidence of it. Men were either wicked and broken, or dull and essentially married to the church; there was no in between. All the more reason for her to expand her boundaries.
“Good heavens.” Her brother came to a stop with a grunt. “Elizabeth.” He dropped his free hand on her shoulder. “God doesn’t appreciate such cheek in a woman.”
“How would you know? To my way of thinking, the Creator is vastly mysterious.” It irritated her William was bullheaded and thought himself the authority in religious matters, or even life for that matter.
“I am a man of the cloth.” Fervor lit his eyes. “The church should be taken seriously and somberly. The Word isn’t something to make jest of.”
“I’m not making light of it.” Elizabeth resisted the urge to stamp her foot like she had as a young girl when she argued with William. “I’m merely stating that believing in God should bring a sense of peace and happiness. It should light a person from the inside out. Why shouldn’t a man, someone sent from Him, make a woman feel that prior to their wedding and even beyond?”
My goodness, but I’ve grown bold since this morning.Perhaps having yet another birthday had empowered her, for she refused to pass another year without having found a purpose.
A slight curl to William’s upper lip warned of his displeasure. “You are naïve if you think so.” He shook his head. “Life doesn’t work like that, and I don’t want you making a spectacle of yourself. You have an image to maintain that reflects upon me.” Admonition rang in his tones.
Only part of the statement was truth, and she immediately ducked her head. “I beg your pardon.” Was there anything else for her in this life than docilely keeping his house and looking after him until she reached her dotage? Eventually, he would marry and have children. What would become of her then? Surely that couldn’t be all God would give her.
He patted her shoulder. “You are forgiven.” As if he were the end-all of such a thing. “When we settle in India, I will pick a husband for you from the Englishmen at the fort nearby or perhaps an East India man. It will be a good enough match.”
“Do I not rate more than good enough?” At the last second, Elizabeth stifled a sigh of annoyance. “And it will relieve you of your duty to me.”
“I am your only living relative, so that responsibility falls to me. I want you settled.”
“But not happy.”
“The only true happiness comes from above. You’ll never find it in a man.”
Frustration swept over in her a wave. “Then why wait until we reach India?” She couldn’t help arguing; it was her future after all. “Find a match here in Ipswich and leave me be.”
“Give you over to a fisherman?” His tone suggested she might be swallowed whole by a whale. “I think not.”
“There are more than fishermen here.”
“I said no.”
“Ah, I see.” Elizabeth crossed her arms at chest level and took a step back from her brother, breaking their connection. “You still have need of me, for who else would keep your house or clean your clothes or cook your meals for no pay and less thanks?” When she arched an eyebrow, a slight wash of red rose over his collar.
“It’s your duty as a woman of the church.” He tightened his hold on the Bible, his gloved fingers digging into the cracked leather cover.