“I see.” She pulled back from him enough to peer into his face. “Are you opposed to that state, or are you loathe to give up your life of sin?” A cool note had entered her voice. Uncertainty and disappointment flickered in her sapphire eyes.
The knife of his own creation turned and slashed through his gut ever deeper. He wanted to cry out from the pain his deception was bringing both of them, but fear—and wanting that damned ship—held him back. Of course she would have assumed the end result of his courtship and subsequent bedding would be a proposal. He swallowed down the sour bile that had crept into his throat. “It seems like a dream, really.” Despite his confliction, he held her gaze, willed her to understand. “How can I offer for a woman when I have nothing of consequence to my name?”
“Oh, Brand, none of that is important, not when there’s love as the foundation.”
Damn my soul.Emotions clogged his throat, clawed at his chest to escape their tight prisons where he’d stored them for years. He glanced away lest she see the truth in his eye. “I’m not that good of a man, Lizzy,” he admitted in a graveled voice. “No doubt a wife of mine would leave by some way or another, for I would disappoint them. That’s a truth I can’t ignore. Because of that, folks always leave me.”
She would, once the horrible lies were discovered. Terror shivered down his spine. It cooled his insides and left him shaking from the enormity of it.
What if I don’t want her to go?
“You can’t let yourself think such things. Fear of the unknown plagues us all.”
Oh, God.That’s what she thought his hesitation and distress stemmed from. He could hardly bear her innocent trust in him.
Once more, Elizabeth snuggled into his arms, which only twisted that proverbial knife deeper. “You’re a wonderful man, Captain. Honorable with great integrity. Any woman would be happy to have you for a husband. In order to reach your dreams, you need only a wife to support you.”
Sweat broke out on his forehead. Every word she uttered added layers of shame and self-loathing to the storm brewing in his chest. “If only you knew the truth,” he whispered and pressed his lips to her hair as unshed tears prickled the backs of his eyelids.
“I have faith in the Lord and in you.” Her lips brushed his skin as she spoke. “Things will come out right and as they ought, you’ll see.”
Too bad the best scenario he could hope for was disaster. Not having the words to say in comfort or affirmation, Brand held her close and hoped his life wasn’t heading for the rubbish pile like he feared.
The rhythmic slap of the water against the hull of the sloop, coupled with the steady thrum of her heartbeat lulled him into a sense of peace that offered a brief escape from what he’d done. Eventually, he stirred. She watched him with sleep-heavy eyes that sparkled.
I must tell her.Perhaps he could salvage their relationship, begin again with no lies between them. Make it right and proper and real.
As his pulse raced in his veins, Brand pushed into a sitting position. He scrambled for the compass around his neck, peered at it in the dim light. It always pointed north, and it just so happened the bold red arrow directed his attention to the very direction where Elizabeth reclined. A coincidence, of course, but perhaps it was a sign. She lay on her side, her hair a tangled brown mess, with one hand tucked beneath her cheek. His heart skipped a beat, for he wanted her for much more than a quick toss between the sheets. Perhaps he always had, but the wager had stood in his way and blinded him to the truth. “Lizzy, I must tell you something.” He gently shook her shoulder lest she fall back into slumber.
“Mmm?” The sleep roughened purr of her voice went straight to his length. Arousal hardened the shaft. She blinked open her eyes. So much trust and dare he say love reflected there that he wanted to sob at the irony of it all. “Is there something amiss?”
“I…” He couldn’t find the words he wanted to say, for fear held him captive. Above all, he didn’t wish to lose her over those wagers that meant nothing to him now.
She propped herself up on one elbow. The opals glittered about her neck; they were part of his grandmother’s wedding jewelry she’d left to him upon her death. Why he’d kept them tucked away on the sloop instead of safe in London, he couldn’t say, but he always like the look of those jewels.
Perhaps he’d carried a stupid kernel of hope in his heart…
Elizabeth frowned. “Do you need something?”
I need you to forgive me.But at the last second, he lost his nerve. The words sitting at the tip of his tongue flew away like frightened birds. How could he confess such a huge sin—a crime really—against her? The knife deep inside his chest twisted once more. “I just wanted to tell you how beautiful you are.” I’m such a bloody coward. For a delay would only make matters worse. Then he leaned down and kissed her, unprepared when several pieces of his heart went into her keeping. It was extraordinary, this feeling of belonging with another person.
As he pulled away, her smile could rival the light of the moon. She laid a palm against his cheek, kept him steady as she held his gaze. “I love you, Brand. You’ve completely changed my life, and I’m forever grateful that you chose me.”
“Oh, God.” He was a con, a blackheart, the worst sort of villain. His chest tightened so hard that he couldn’t draw a proper breath. With those words, he’d won the schooner fair and square, but that victory rang hollow, for he didn’t want the prize any longer. He pressed a hand to his heart where that traitorous organ ached. “Ah, Lizzy. I don’t deserve you.” Desperately needing approval and wanting her forgiveness, but swimming with disgust for himself, Brand covered her body with his. He kissed her long and deep, intent to lose himself in her shining light and perfection in the illogical hope that he’d find her goodness and wash himself clean.
That all of what he’d done might be forgotten.
That somehow he’d never need to tell her…
Yet, for all of that, she wasn’t his, never had been, and now his time with her was limited.
At the last second, he stifled a sob against the soft skin of her neck. He didn’t merit her, not in any capacity, yet here she was, loving him because all she saw was what she expected to see—a decent man. “I’m so, so sorry,” he whispered in a choked, barely audible voice before claiming her mouth, bullying her into a surrender as he settled her more comfortably in his arms.
The imminent loss of this creature, this amazing woman he hadn’t been searching for was staggering, much more so than losing the ownership of the schooner, for that second, in the joy of having her in his arms beneath the stars, he vowed not to complete the wager. He wouldn’t tell his friends; he’d call a halt to all the proceedings, pay them the original five hundred pounds for their silence and discretion. And, if fortune smiled upon him, he’d find a way to keep Elizabeth in his life and her remaining ignorant of his crime.
At least it was a plan. Feeling more like himself than he had in days, Brand applied himself to kissing her senseless and slid his hands beneath the hem of her shift. Oh yes, it would work. How could it not? Desire clouded his brain, worked to further muddle his thoughts. Another, stronger emotion he refused to identify wrapped around his heart. He would claim her body again this night before taking her home, and then he’d work at securing her promise to share his life.
With a sigh, he gave himself up to the wonders of Elizabeth’s charms. All would be well, and he’d have a happily ever after, just like that fellow Perseus.