“Ladies and gentlemen, the employee of the month announcement is here!” The man who thought he was my boss, Evan Albright, stood atop a glass table at Pay Day Loan Holdings. He made millions every quarter by convincing people near poverty to take out small loans with high interest, yet he still couldn’t afford to figure out how to wear a decent suit.
“I hope you’re as excited as I am, people!” He pushed his wire-framed glasses up onto his face as the rest of the team entered the room. “Are we ready?”
I checked my watch and set the timer for seven minutes.
“The employee of the month, the person who will receive the life changing four hundred-dollar bonus on their next quarterly check is…Peter Monroe!”
The room erupted into applause. I remained still by the windows, running the numbers through my mind.
“Mr. Monroe has tripled his sales and landed us new business clients which will truly help our bottom line.” He continued to talk. “As for the personal feedback, he’s been stellar there as well. A customer called our corporate line and said her grandmother was sick—said she needed a little extra time to pay her loan, and Mr. Monroe said hell no. Then he double charged her account!”
Applause.
“There was another customer who claimed that he was about to be evicted—which we all know isn’t our fault, and Mr. Monroe turned down his request for an extension. He got him to sign on for another short-term loan with an even higher interest rate. Not only that, but he got this customer’s entire family to sign up for separate loans as well!”
Mr. Monroe smiled amidst another round of applause, and Mr. Albright encouraged the staff to cheer as loud as they could.
“I hope he’ll serve as an example for the rest of you this month and you’ll pursue the impossible, because it’s possible.” He clapped his hands. “Congratulations, Mr. Monroe. Now, back to work, everyone.”
The employees started to leave the room, and I debated whether I wanted to give this man my parting words now or in his office.
“Mr. Dawson?” He beat me to it. “Mr. Dawson?”
“Yes?” I approached the glass table.
“Can you stay behind a few seconds, so I can talk to you in private?”
I nodded and waited until the last person left the room.
“I was hoping that I would be able to announce that you were my employee of the month today,” he said. “Even though you’ve only been working here for a month and a half, you’ve made quite the impact. I was really impressed with how well-researched you are. In fact, that’s a huge part of why I hired you, but—”
“But what?”
“Well, lately you haven’t been yourself. You’re lacking the team spirit, and you’re lacking the drive. You’re also—for lack of a better word—sucking ass.”
I raised my eyebrow.
“Especially these last couple of days,” he said. “You went from being nice and approachable to brooding and cold. You were once the first associate to volunteer to work late hours, but you’ve been leaving super early. Also, I don’t know why the hell you went and got tattoos all over your hands and on your goddamn neck like you’re some type of wannabe crime boss, but you need to cover those things up the next time you step into my building.”
I smiled, saying nothing.
“Now,” he said. “I can only afford to keep the employees who give their all every day, so I’m willing to give you a chance to stay on board at the best hedge fund in the city. What do you think about that?”
“I think…” I paused, wondered whether I should be a nice person about this or be myself.
“Um, hello Mr. Dawson?” He crossed his arms. “I can’t wait all day for you to respond. Time is money, and we do have more sales to make.”
Myself it is… “I think your company is a festering shit hole that preys upon the poor, and I think your father is rolling around in his grave right now at the fact that you call this is a hedge-fund company. I can guarantee that he’s more than disappointed with you and how disgustingly greedy you’ve become. I also think you have no idea how to be a real CEO.” I paused. “Then again, you are cheating on your wife with the college girl who brings you coffee, cheating your employees by more than seventy percent, and lying to all of your other rich friends about running a hedge fund instead of a pathetic payday loan company. Since being a CEO requires knowing how to be full of shit, maybe you do know how to be a real one.”
His face paled and he looked as if he’d lost his soul.
“Are you still impressed with my research, or do I need to tell you a little bit more about yourself?”