Chapter Seventeen
Drew stormed along the corridor and then took the stairs two at a time. How could this happen? Why did his brother think life was so horrid that he needed to kill himself? I should have been there. I should never have come to Derbyshire.
“Andrew, wait.”
His body jerked at the sound of Sarah’s voice as if he’d been shot. “Leave me alone. This doesn’t concern you.”
“Like hell it doesn’t.” Gone were the dulcet tones, the soft way she’d spoken to him during their time in the drawing room. Annoyance and disappointment roiled in her voice, and the tap tap of her heels on the stairs behind him a testament that she followed. “You are my husband, so what affects you bothers me as well.” She caught up to him on the next level, and when she took his arm, she jerked him around to face her. The crumpled note was in her free hand. “Are you going to London?”
“Don’t you think I need to?”
“This note is already two days old. By the time you reach the capital, another two days will have passed. Finn is alive.” She pushed her spectacles into place. “What do you expect you can do for him?”
Why did she think to challenge him at every turn? “He is family.” Turning on his heel, Drew proceeded along the corridor, and at his suite, he shoved open the door. “If I had been there in the first place, none of this would have happened.”
“Do you really believe that?” She marched in after him and stood, her hands planted on her hips, glaring at him.
Too bad there was no time to fully appreciate the brewing storm she was. “Yes, damn it, I do. I would have seen he was in peril and prevented this attempt.”
She snorted. “This from the man who can’t see to his own trauma and healing.” With a flick of her hand, she flung the note onto a nearby table. “Men with Finn’s mindset are in a lost place, somewhere that a man with a blazing temper and demanding attitude will never be able to reach. If they can’t find their way out, they’ll attempt their death again.”
“Are you so selfish that you would prevent me from attending to my family?” Oh, God. That wasn’t what he’d wished to say at all, but the anger rising in a hot tide to fill his chest prevented him from making quick amends.
“Of course not. I’m merely asking you to think this through.” She took a step toward him, but he routed her and moved into his sitting room. “If Finn is farther gone than we suspect, he needs the care of someone who can control his own emotions. He needs a doctor. If you go in there barking orders and tramping through delicate issues like a bull in a china shop, you run the risk of forever ruining your chances of repairing a relationship with him.”
“You wish to consign my brother to death.” A growl sounded in his voice.
“Absolutely not, but neither do I wish you to make his situation worse. I’m merely stating you’re not the one he needs right now.”
He rounded on her. “You can’t possibly know about anything concerning family since you have none. Don’t you dare to dictate to me how I should act or speak.” The moment he said the words, hurt jumped into her eyes, and they welled with tears. Bloody hell. “I apologize.” Then in a more modulated voice, he added, “I couldn’t protect Finn on the battlefield, but I can damn well try in this.”
Surprise rounded her eyes. “That is one of the greatest truths I’ve heard you utter.” A tentative smile curved her lips.
Her surprise and delight despite him being horrid to her only deepened his guilt, but beneath that, a thread of calm spun through his insides, further confusing him. “I am capable of truth and trust, you know.” The words came out on a snarl. “Just now I’m not inclined to work on personal growth.”
“When your anger cools and you can talk to me with a rational mind, I’ll be more than happy to discuss this further.” She blinked quickly as tears filled her eyes. “But remember what we talked about this afternoon. You were doing so well, and now…” A tiny sob escaped. “Don’t leave without saying goodbye. I never had the chance to do that with my parents, and if something happens to you while on this trip, in the rain…”
Damn and blast.She would worry about him while he was away? A piece of his heart flew into her keeping. He rather liked that. “Sarah, wait.”
But she’d already cleared the door. The rapid tap of her heels on the hardwood faded, quickly followed by the slam of her door down the hall. No, she wasn’t in a receptive mood, and quite frankly, he didn’t have the time or inclination to grovel.
Drew cursed himself to the devil. It was one thing to close himself off from his family, but to potentially lose Sarah because he couldn’t balance the two halves of his life?
I need to think.
*
July 12, 1817
Sarah waited inthe morning room for Andrew even though her stomach protested the early morning as well as the scent of the eggs and other savories on the sideboard. No doubt something she’d eaten at breakfast yesterday didn’t agree with her, for she’d skipped dinner last night after her husband had completely undone all the progress he’d made.
Finally, he arrived, his tread heavy, his bootheels ringing on the floor, the spicy lime smell of him announcing his presence in the small room. His expression was haggard as if he hadn’t slept well; neither had she.
“Sarah, I…” He looked at her then darted his glance away.
“I’d hoped to catch you.” She wrapped her fingers around her cup of tea, craving its warmth. “Are you riding to London?”
“Yes, with Barton. We’ll return with a coach, for speed on the back side of the trip is not imperative.”