“And perhaps in denial. Just as you were when you first found.” The ambassador nodded. “I’m afraid that is her right but give her some time. She will come to see you have nothing to do with it, and that it is only fate’s hand at play.” When she dropped to the quilt beside him, he handed her the kitten. “In the meanwhile, I’m certain such an exchange wasn’t good for your heart.” He changed position, moved up the blanket until his back rested against the trunk of the tree. “Come sit with me a spell.”
Oh, it was tempting, but she had a responsibility as a mother. “I should go after her.”
“And what? Have the girl slam a door in your face?” Oliver shook his head. “Let her digest the news first. As I said before, I’ll check on her before dinner. By then, her emotions will have been spent, and if not, she might be more apt to talk with me over you.” He gestured beside him, and throwing caution to the wind, Sophia sat beside him.
When he snaked an arm about her shoulders and held her, an involuntary sigh escaped her. It was lovely indeed to borrow a man’s strength. “Thank you.”
“It’s my honor.” For long moments, they sat there while the summer bloomed on around them. The heat combined with the sun and the pleasant drone of insects lulled her into a peaceful state, even as her heart still ached. Eventually, the kitten settled on her chest and fell asleep, but not once did it stop purring. “Perhaps we should go back so you can lie down and nap.”
“No.” Daring much, Sophia rested her head against Oliver’s strong shoulder, and as he pulled her closer, she couldn’t help her grin. The man was too honorable for his own good. “I have long grown tired of resting. It’s quite dull, and there’s no point to it. I refuse to fritter away the remainder of my life doing nothing. Truly, I shall go mad from it.”
“I’m discovering that about you with every meeting. You are a woman of movement and fancy.” Amusement rumbled in his voice, and that timbre reverberated deep in her chest.
She snorted. “I am stubborn. I’ll admit to that. And I won’t expire without a fight.” For another long swath of moments, she remained quiet and content to sit at his side with a dozing kitten in her lap. It had been the most peaceful afternoon she’d had in many weeks. “At night, the darkness is overwhelming,” she confided in a low voice even though they were the only ones around. “Such pressing nighttime makes me think of death, and as the weeks march by, my fear of it as well as death grows substantially greater.”
“Understandable. Eventually, those sorts of thoughts come to torment each of us in our lives.” He brushed his fingers up and down her arm. “Always keep a lamp burning to keep the shadows away.”
“But what of my thoughts? How do I arrest them?”
“Find someone you trust who will talk to you until you fall asleep. Someone who will hold your hand and sit with you, so you don’t feel alone. Someone who will tell you romantic and uplifting stories that will send you sweetly into your dreams.” His breath skated across her cheek. “Be it a family member or a friend, have someone close. And though it might not be orthodox, if it’s a man you wish beside you, do that. No one has the right to protest in the face of your diagnosis.”
What he said made sense. “Are you saying the scandal is worth the reward?”
“I’m saying that you are well past the need to worry about such arbitrary rules.” When he pressed a fleeting kiss to the top of her head, her heartbeat accelerated. Oh, what she wouldn’t do to feel those lips against hers once more or trailing over various portions of her body! “When facing certain death, everything changes. Or, at least, that is how I imagine it will be. There should be no more worries, no more wondering, no more fear. Use your last days on this mortal coil to bring yourself comfort and pleasure, to bring you joy, if not acceptance. Spend them with the people you love, the ones who make you laugh and smile. Nothing else matters.”
“You are quite wise for an American.” As he chuckled, she grinned, and spurred on by his words, she took his free hand in his merely to hold it, for the tactile sensation of being protected if only for a moment. It was something she’d missed so much since her last husband died. “And if the man I choose for that comfort or distraction, is you? What then?” It was daring and quite bold, but Sophia didn’t care. She adored that closeness between men and women, craved that intimacy, wished to experience it once more before her life snuffed out.
He turned his head and found her gaze with his own. Behind his spectacle lenses, desire burned in those stormy depths. “Then I will do everything in my power to make it happen.”
What did that mean? She could hardly conduct an affair right in front of her family, not even if she were dying. It simply wasn’t done.
“Good.”
“Indeed.” He nodded and squeezed her fingers. “But first, smooth out the wrinkles between you and Hannah. I won’t have her calling foul if we proceed to the next step.”
Which was what, precisely? But thoughts of her daughter’s future distracted her. “I promise.” She inhaled deeply and then let her breath ease out. “Will you accompany me into the Winterbourne maze tomorrow afternoon? It’s something you should see while you’re here, and I’ll need to inspect the roses besides.”
“At present, anywhere that you are is where I’m meant to be.”
Oh, they were romantic words to be sure, but could she open her heart enough—weakened as it was—and let him come fully in when there was nothing but grief and ache ahead for him? For her?