He increased the tempo, feeling his balls contract and the need to come coiling inside him.
Cyn slid her fingers up her wet folds and rubbed her clit as he thrust into her hard and deep. Her inner muscles clamped around him and he squeezed her nipple, thrust hard, and she brought herself and him to a climax that hit hard and fast and spasmed out for a minute that held them both enthralled.
His face planted in her neck and hair, his breathing ragged and uneven, he whispered, “Damn, baby, it just keeps getting better.”
Her hand covered his on her hip. “Yes, it does.” She glanced over her shoulder at him. “Are you okay?”
“Perfect.” His chest hurt a little, but it was totally worth it to be with her. He nipped at her neck and shoulder. “How are you?”
“Perfect,” she echoed him, but there was still that thing he heard in her voice the last few days. In time, her grief would wane, but this morning it felt like something more.
“What are you holding inside, sweetheart? You can tell me. You can say anything to me.”
It took her a moment to respond. “I feel guilty.” Her words stunned him.
“You have nothing to feel guilty about. That bastard deserved what he got.”
She shook her head and sighed. “Not about that.”
He leaned up on his elbow and looked down at her, though she stared across the room at the cold fireplace. “What, then?”
“I have everything.”
He softly brushed his hand up her arm, understanding, but also wanting her to talk about it. “Why does that make you feel guilty?”
“Angela died so young. She never got the chance to find what I have with you. And she wanted it. She wanted someone to love her. She wanted Lana to have a good father. She wanted a simple, happy life. And she didn’t get it. And now I have everything she ever wanted with you and her daughter.”
“If Angela wanted those things for herself, don’t you think she’d want them for you, too?”
“Yes. But—”
“But nothing, Cyn. She’d want Lana to be with you and me. She’d want us to love her and give her the happy life Angela wanted for her. We will grieve the loss of Angela. We’ll find ourselves forever wishing she was here to see all the milestones Lana will reach. We’ll miss her on birthdays and holidays and all the days in between. But it should make you happy to know that your sister loved you and knew that if she couldn’t be here for Lana, you are the best mom Lana could ever get.”
He kissed her shoulder. “In the end, Angela probably didn’t think about what would happen to Lana. She knew you’d take care of Lana for her. What a comfort that must have been to her.”
Tears slipped past Cyn’s eyelashes and rolled down her cheeks. “I miss her so much. I was holding Lana last night upstairs in the nursery, rocking her back to sleep after her bottle. It was the most peaceful, beautiful feeling I’ve ever had in my life. I thought Angela probably felt the same way the weeks she’d had Lana at home. I knew those were probably some of the best moments of her life. I was so glad she had them when everything else in her life was so chaotic and sometimes scary.” She looked over her shoulder at him. “I rage inside that she didn’t get to leave him and be with me and find some happiness in her life. And at the same time, I’m so grateful that she brought Lana into my life and gave me that moment and a thousand others. I’ll have a million more with her.”
He wiped away a tear on her soft cheek with his fingertip. “And it makes you sad that Angela won’t. Itmakes you angry that Rad took that away from her and Lana. I know, sweetheart. I feel the same way.”
Cyn sighed and her eyes brightened with joy. “I think Lana smiled at me while I gave her a bath last night.”
He grinned at her. “She’s happy.”
“That’s all I want... to be enough for her that she is always happy.”
“You are more than enough, Cyn. And she’ll have the both of us.”
Cyn turned and faced him. “Do you really mean that? You know, there have been a lot of changes in your life all at once. Us dating, me moving in here with you without you really asking me. I mean, I kind of just did it without us talking about it. I could have rented another place, but—”
He put his finger to her soft lips to stop her tumble of words. “I want you here with me. I like seeing your clothes in the closet and your stuff on the bathroom counter. I like that you helped yourself to everything in the kitchen and called this place your home. I want to see you settled here and feeling like it’s your place, too. I don’t feel like we’re rushing, but making things the way we want them to be.”
Cyn smiled. “That’s a lovely way to think about it.”
“I think so, too. And most of all, Cyn, I want Lana to live here with us and have cousin siblings to play with and grow up with on the ranch, the way I did with my brothers, running wild and feeling like nothing could ever touch us.”
“Cousin siblings. I like that.”
“We’re a family. So let’s just forget about the order of doing things and how they’re supposed to be donein whatever amount of time and just be a family. After everything we’ve been through, we deserve it.”