It wasn’t fair to put that on her.
He needed to work out his own problems, but thinking about her, seeing her, being with her, was better than any pill. Though he’d take those religiously to keep this from happening again.
She eased him. She made him believe in a future where he was happy and healthy and whole again.
And he’d do anything to prove to her that he could be those things for her. For the both of them. He had to heal, accept the things he couldn’t change, and live with the things he’d done or couldn’t do. It was the only way to be the man she deserved.
He’d keep working with Dr. Porter. He’d take his meds. He’d try to be more open and honest about what he needed and not try to do this all on his own and expect to be better all at once.
He’d been advised not to start a relationship in the first year out of rehab, and the flashback was a setback, but he’d waited too damn long and almost didn’t makeit to this point at all. His feelings for Shelby were so strong, giving her up wasn’t an option.
He’d do everything possible to get better, but he’d do it with Shelby by his side.
Chase pushed Eliza on the swing his dad hung from the tree in the yard just for her. His dad and Max walked out of the stables and headed in his direction. He didn’t want a lecture about what happened and taking care of himself.
“I don’t want to hear it,” he snapped at his dad and brother, preemptively shutting them down.
His dad and Max exchanged a look. Then both of them focused on him.
Dad went first. As always. “So you don’t want me to tell you that I think your plans for sorting the herd are sound and we’ll get started on that tomorrow.”
“Uh...” He didn’t know what to say.
Max added, “It’s nice to finally have a second opinion to push for some change around here.”
His dad rubbed his hand over his neck. “I know I’m stubborn.”
“As an ass,” Max agreed.
Dad smacked Max on the chest with the back of his hand for the smart mouth. “But I’m trying. Because the last thing your mother would have wanted is for me to push you all away. Chase has been gone far too long. Max, you’re ready to up and quit on me because I’m set in my ways. And Hunt is... well, I don’t know what’s gotten into him lately, but he’s barely around anymore.”
Chase brought up what they avoided for the past half hour. “Things got a little intense today. I can’t control it, but I’m taking meds and working on my issues.”
His dad waved it off. “You’re okay now. That’s all that matters.”
Max nodded. “No problem, man. It’s all good.”
“I hope Shelby thinks so too, because this was the first time I had Eliza on my own, and...” Chase hated that he’d lost it in front of his daughter.
Max hooked his thumbs in his front pockets. “She’s fine, and thank God, so are you. I tried to get you to hear me, to understand what I was saying to you. You calmed down the second you heard Shelby’s voice. Two words out of her mouth and you were right back here in reality.”
Chase hung his head, then met their gazes again. “When I was overseas... I missed this place, you guys, everything about what it used to be like living here. This was home. I belonged here. Until I didn’t anymore. And it cut deep. And then she came along. I thought, one and done. We’d have our night, and I’d go back to my new life and endure like I’d been doing since I left here. I spent months thinking about her and wishing I could find my way out of there and be back here with her.
“Finding out I was going to be a dad stunned me. No joke. I never expected that, but then, I’d been the one to go back for more that night, risking it because I wanted more of her.
“I wasn’t sure about being a dad. But then I realized that I’d lost one family and had a chance to build another one. Eliza connected me to Shelby, the woman who followed me everywhere I went. I didn’t know if we would ever be more to each other than Eliza’s parents until she let me into their life like I was always meant to be there. She showed me that someone could be kindand generous and connect me to something better than where I was. She took me out of that place and gave me a home.” Choked up, he took a second to gather himself.
His dad and Max hung on his every word.
“When things were really bad over there, I always had her. Didn’t matter the time or my mood or if I talked to her or not. She was always there, my connection to Eliza, but also my connection to her and that night we shared and the feeling that rushed over me every time I saw her or heard her voice.”
Chase raked his fingers through his hair, uncomfortable dumping his emotions like this to them, but feeling like it needed to be said so they’d understand. So they’d get it. So they’d know how much she meant to him.
“She’s everything I ever wanted.”
His dad gave him a firm nod. “I’m sorry for the way I treated her and trying to push her out of your life.”
“Me, too.” Max’s gaze went past him to Eliza. “I really enjoyed watching you with her today. She cracked me up and made me smile more than I can remember doing in a long time.”