“Want one?” Chase asked.
“I already ate.”
“Not what I asked.” He grinned at her.
She stared at the soda in front of him and wanted to kick her own ass for thinking the worst of him when he’d done nothing wrong. “I’m sorry, Chase. I came here thinking you’d gone off the deep end.”
He frowned and glanced around the place. “Maybe a bar isn’t the best place for me right now, but I have to learn to live my life the right way. I get that I haven’t given you a reason to believe I’ve changed.”
She reached out and put her hand over his. “You also haven’t given me a reason to think you’re looking for an escape either. You said you wanted to start dating, but the second I see a woman flirting with you, I think the worst.”
“I don’t mind a little jealousy when it comes to you, honey.”
“And you do that, and I feel even worse.”
“Do what?”
“Call me something sweet. Even if it doesn’t mean anything and you’d rather be with someone who suits you better—”
“Better than what? You?” He shook his head. “Why can’t you allow yourself to see and believe that I want you?”
She stole a fry and put it in her mouth, needing a distraction and a moment to think. And find some courage. “My whole life, no one really wanted me. Not my mother. Not my grandparents. They took care of me out of obligation, and every day I knew that, even if they tried to hide it.”
“Why would you believe that?” Chase had been loved by his family his whole life even if they had gone through some hard times. Of course he didn’t get it.
“It’s true.” It was the truth she lived with every day. Chase needed to know because eventually he’d find out, and she’d rather he heard her truth than town gossip. “Do you know who I really am?”
“Shelby Payne. Mother of our daughter.” He leaned in. “The woman who seduced me in a shy, quiet way that left me changed and wanting more than I deserve.”
Those words sank into her heart, deep, and rooted there, making her want to believe they’d sprout into something she never thought she’d have. Love.
“You’re the woman I want to kiss and make smile and thank for saving my ass too many times to count and in ways I can’t name. That’s you, Shelby. Whatever else you want to tell me about yourself won’t change any of that or the other things I think about you. Like how pretty you are when you’re trying not to let me see how much you want me. Or how you shine when you’re playing with Eliza. How you care so deeply for her and me. You find the strength to be bold and stand up for us even when you can’t seem to do that for yourself and accept that I want you even though you seem to feel like you don’t deserve to find happiness. You think I deserve it despite what I’ve done. You think I’m good enough for you, but you aren’t good enough for me. And I just don’t get it, because you’re the best person I know.”
But he really didn’t know her. “My biological father is Kyle Hodges,” she blurted out.
Chase tilted his head. “Okay.” He shrugged like it meant nothing to him.
She pressed her lips tight. “Do you know who that is?”
“The name sounds familiar. I seem to remember the Hodges family was well-known in these parts because of their... lumber business, I think.”
“Yes. Lots of money. A big operation. Lots of people who relied on them for jobs.” Some of those folks still looked sideways at her because they hadn’t recovered after the loss of the industry in town.
“Didn’t they move the lumber operation further south?”
“Yes. After the scandal. As far as I know, they’re still living down there and running the business.”
Chase eyed her, his gaze turning thoughtful. “The son got into some trouble.”
That mild statement didn’t cover even one percent of the trouble and pain Kyle Hodges caused. “He went to jail for raping a girl he’d been obsessed with for months. He stalked her, kidnapped her, and held her for three days in a remote cabin where no one could hear her screams for help. He thought she’d think it was romantic. He thought he could force her to love him. In theend, he drove her mad, and she killed herself while trying to also drown the little girl who reminded her every day of what happened to her.”
Chase stared at her for a long moment, sorrow and understanding in his eyes. “Rebecca Payne.” He remembered her mother’s name and sighed out his sadness. “She was found with her wrists slit in the bathtub holding... you... under the water.”
“My grandfather found us. He gave me CPR and I survived, though I’m not sure he thought me living was better than if he’d let me go and that would have been some kind of mercy for me and my grandparents. What happened to my mother... she thought what that man did to her left a stain on her she couldn’t erase or escape.
“I think my grandparents felt the same way. And I believe it did leave a mark because I always felt it when they looked at me or I looked at them. It was just always there. They couldn’t escape the sadness everyone held for them. The town couldn’t forget what happened. They couldn’t escape the living reminder under their roof. I didn’t know how to be anything but the reminder of what happened and what it cost them.”
She sighed and continued. “Kyle paid for his crimes, but he didn’t pay for the torment he caused her, or them. He sat in a cell, and they buried her. He lived. She died. And I existed and tortured them with the memories of how I came to be the ghost of her and the evil of him.”