“He can’t die, Rory. He can’t die.” I teetered on the edge of hysterics.
“He’s not going to die,” she said, even though she couldn’t know that. What if he went into a coma and didn’t wake up? It could happen.
“What if it’s because of me?” I said, my voice low so the cabbie couldn’t hear, even though he had no idea what the situation was.
“Oh, honey, it’s not because of you.” She pushed my hair away from my face as I tried not to burst into tears.
“But what if it is?” There was nothing she could say to that, so she just held me as we sped through traffic to get to the hospital.
~*~*~
Rory and I held each other until the hospital. I ran in ahead of her since my legs were longer. No one was at the front desk, so she hunted down a nurse who got a little snippy when Rory demanded to know where Lucah was.
“He’s my brother,” she said. Well, it wasn’t exactly true. He would be her brother-in-law at some point.
The nurse gave her a look, but then told us where he was. We both ran down the hall and skidded on the tile when we got to his room.
We both walked in, and I begged for him to be alive. I would do anything for him to be alive.
Lucah blocked our view of Ryder, but he got to his feet when he heard us, running to hug Rory. I let go of her hand, and my feet carried me toward the man who lay in the bed. His eyes were open and fixed on my face.
I reached the bedside and had to put my hand out to make sure he was real.
“Hey, beautiful girl,” he said with a smile. If it was possible, he looked even weaker than he had the last time he was in the hospital.
“I really hate hospitals,” I said, wiping my eyes. My tears would no longer be denied.
“I know. I’m not too fond of them either.” Rory and Lucah joined us, and I started to evaluate the situation. He was in a hospital gown and had an IV in.
I wanted to ask him what happened, but didn’t want to push him again. Ryder had far more issues than I knew about. Or maybe I knew and just didn’t want to see them. I wanted him to be this perfect sexy guy. He was still sexy, but he wasn’t perfect. Far from it.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, looking away from me to Lucah. “Chip came over and said he just wanted to talk, but then he found some stuff in my medicine cabinet that I forgot I had, and the next thing I know, I’m waking up here.” He was leaving a lot of stuff out. The pills just didn’t jump into his mouth. He’d also made the decision to take them.
“Are you in any legal trouble?” I asked tentatively.
“No. Guess not, since the pills were prescribed to me.” A thought crossed my mind and I wanted to erase it as soon and I thought it.
Maybe it would have been a good thing for him to get arrested. Although, that had already happened when he was younger and hadn’t had an effect. What was it going to take for him to get his shit together?
A nurse came in and took Lucah aside to have a word with him. This really was déjà vu.
“I’m okay, really. It was a stupid thing to do. I guess since I’d detoxed, the pills affected me more than they used to. So that’s why I’m here. It was just a stupid mistake.”
I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe this would be the last time, but when I looked in his eyes, I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t see the resolve I needed to see.
He wasn’t going to change. His addiction was too strong for him to fight right now.
I didn’t say any of those things to him. I sat by his bed and fought with him for the remote and got coffee.
I didn’t want to be here anymore. My lungs kept seizing up, and I felt like I was suffocating. Lucah called Tate and April, and they said they would be there the next morning. They had to find a sitter for their girls.
Ryder was staying overnight, but he wouldn’t be in the hospital as long as last time. His new therapist was also on her way, and I had the feeling their sessions were going to ramp up again. He’d probably have to quit his job to focus on that. Which meant he’d lose his apartment, but he should probably get out of that anyway.
“I think I’m going to go,” I said after midnight. The nurses kept trying to kick us out, but we’d just hide and go back to his room when they weren’t looking.
“Really?” Ryder said, sitting up. He was already starting to look better. Guess they’d gotten the pills out of his system and he was on the mend. Again.
“Yeah. I have to, um, work tomorrow.” I started to back toward the door without giving him a hug or anything.