But either way, she had to know. She needed closure. She needed to lay all her cards on the table to see if she had a winning hand or not.
Determination rose up in her as she slipped her feet out from under Farmer’s belly. It was time she and Nate had a talk. Three days was more than enough time to give them both space. The remove-head-from-ass grace period was over…for both of them.
***
Nate stared at his computer screen, but he wasn’t seeing it. All he could see was Eliza. Her eyes, her smile, her hands touching his body. All he could hear was Eliza. Her saying that she would never walk down the aisle with him, that they were friends, that’s all. All he could feel was Eliza. She’d infiltrated his heart, his brain, his entire body. She was part of him.
For the last few days he’d been working on a job that should have taken him four hours tops. Yet, here he was, at the office long after everyone else had gone home because he was eighteen hours in and no closer to completing the assignment.
A large pharmaceutical company’s research lab had been broken into, both physically and virtually, at the same time. The infiltrators’ execution was well planned but not flawless. All he had to do was piggyback their network and look for the weak points that had given the thieves access.
The breach should have jumped out at him like a flashing red light in a snowstorm, but it hadn’t. Over the past month, he’d come to the understanding that he wasn’t as gifted as he and most people in his life had previously thought. His intelligence was not accessible to him at any time.
His mind was like a stereogram, the multi-dimensional graphics containing hidden pictures that you couldn’t force yourself to see. You had to relax your eyes, and only then would it reveal itself and once you saw it, you couldn’t unsee it. That was how it had always been for him with computers, with codes, with networks, he just saw the patterns and their interruptions and it was so clear to him he couldn’t not see them. It had always surprised him that other people couldn’t. Now…he was one of those people that couldn’t see it.
He stood and paced. It was a good thing that his office floors were hardwood because if they’d been carpet he would have worn a path in it with the amount of times he’d walked this same route over the past seventy-two hours.
This office had seemed so large to him when they’d moved in, but now it seemed tiny. The walls felt like they were closing in on him. It was claustrophobic. He knew it wasn’t the building because the town felt the same way. Harper’s Crossing had always been a small town, but now it felt suffocating. It was like he couldn’t breathe.
He needed to get out of here. Out of this office. Out of this building. Out of this town.
In the two years he’d worked for Seth he’d never requested a field or desk assignment. He took whatever he was given. The reason he was such a valuable asset to Elite Security was his unique skillset which qualified him for both bodyguard and tech assignments. He liked the variety. Physical versus mental. He enjoyed keeping all of his skills sharp and this job allowed him to do just that.
But right now, he needed to be in the field and the longer the assignment, the more remote the area, the better. If he could be thousands of miles away with little to no communication with the outside world for months, that would be ideal. It was the only chance he had at clearing his head so he could get back to his life. His work. His power save mode.
He sat back down and began to draft an email to Seth letting him know that he wanted to take the next job that got him away from his computer, and away from Harper’s Crossing. He’d only gotten the first sentence typed when a knock sounded in the small space, breaking up the monotonous silence.
Before he’d even turned his head in its direction, his office door flew open and Eliza stormed in, looking flushed. It slammed behind her but she didn’t flinch as she strode into the room, every movement purposeful. She was still wearing her lab coat, her hair was pulled off her face and her emerald eyes looked even more vibrant because they were red and puffy. When she had reached the other side of his desk she opened her mouth to speak and nothing came out.
He waited. Not able to move or speak, his hands still hovering over the keys of his laptop.
It was clear by her demeanor and the dramatic entrance that she had something to say. But since this was Eliza, he had no idea what that could possibly be. His pulse raced and every cell in his body was screaming for him to stand up and take her in his arms. To kiss away whatever was bothering her until all she felt was his love.
“Ellie, is everything okay?”
She nodded, but still didn’t say anything. She didn’t look okay. She looked miserable.
Her eyes dropped to the floor in front of him and her thumb began running over the pads of her fingers.
Standing, he rephrased in a stronger tone. “Ellie, what’s wrong?”
Her gaze stayed down for a long moment before finally rising again to meet his eyes. She inhaled deeply, her lips pursed together. When they parted she finally started speaking. And once the flow of words began, it didn’t stop. It was like a faucet that she couldn’t turn off.
“Look…I just…I needed to come talk to you. We need to talk. I had all this stuff that I was going to say, and it was good. But then I saw you, and my brain just…all I could think about was how good you look…it doesn’t matter,” she waved her hand. “The point is, we need to talk. If what happened between us the other day…or days or nights…whatever, if us having sex didn’t mean the same thing to you that it did to me, that’s fine. I mean, it’s not fine. It sucks. But I can deal with it. I can deal with anything…if I just know what it is that I’m dealing with. I just have to…know.
“I can’t go on guessing and wishing and hoping and being miserable. I’m even making Farmer miserable and he doesn’t deserve that. He deserves to be happy. I deserve to be happy. And I will be. No matter what, I will be happy. Sure, I’d be happier, faster if you know…if this wasn’t…or was….whatever this is. But, I will be happy no matter what.”
She spoke so fast Nate felt like he had to be a speed listener to keep up with her.
“So, it’s fine. Whatever it is, is fine. My body and heart were right. Que sera, sera, whatever will be will be. I just have to know what it is and then I can be fine with what will be. Maybe you know what it is, but I don’t. I don’t have any idea what you’re thinking.
“I thought I did. After the coat closet and then in your room, I thought I did. But then you left and I saw Bailey and then I thought I knew again. But then I came home and I realized all I’m doing is assuming. I don’t know anything. And you know what happens when you assume things, you make an ass out of you and me. Which, might be the case. You might be an ass. But that’s all supposition. I don’t actually know.
“And then I realized that you don’t know. I’ve never told you what I feel, or what I want because—”
“I know,” Nate cut in.
“What?” she paused.