He may not be doing it on purpose, but that simply proved that he just wasn’t that into her. This time around, she needed to face that. She wasn’t going to go down the same path she had in high school. She wasn’t going to secretly pine after him. She needed to nip this in the bud. She was a twice-divorced woman that had not only been around the block, she’d bought a house and lived there for five years.
As tempting as it was to romanticize the things that Nate had said, she was going to take a page out of the Oprah and Maya Angelou cliff notes for life and believe Nate and believe him when he tells her who he is. He may think she’s wonderful and deserves all the things he’d said, but that was not because he wanted to be that man. He’d had plenty of chances to fill that role and had never shown any interest. He cared about her, but as a friend. Because she was the Chuckie to his Will Hunting. She needed to remember that.
Exhausted and emotionally drained, Eliza’s arms shook as she pushed herself up in order to gather her things so she could make the trek home where there was a bottle of wine and a hot bath calling her name when she heard a knock at the door.
She jumped and Farmer, who had fallen asleep with his head cradled in her lap, let out a low bark. He wasn’t really a barker, so the sound or her reaction to it must’ve startled him.
“One second,” she called out as she rushed to the small mirror that hung above a large rectangular empty fish tank, that getting rid of was #286 to deal with on her action task spreadsheet.
When she saw the reflection staring back at her she tried to wipe off of her face all proof that any waterworks had occurred. She sniffed as she smoothed down a few strands of hair that had made a prison break from the ponytail they were locked up in. A quick scan and she concluded that her eyes and nose were a little red and puffy, but not crying your eyes out red and puffy, more like just woke up and cold red and puffy.
She could work with that.
Another knock sounded and she knew that she was going to have to face whoever was on the other side of the door, sooner rather than later. As she crossed the room again her hands frantically fanned her face, as if a few seconds of air cooling them would make that much of a difference.
She turned the knob just as another knock began. Her voice was pleasant as it swung open. “Sorry about that I was…”
Her words trailed off when, for a split second, she saw Nate standing in the hallway. At least, her mind had thought it was Nate. Her body had no tingles or jingles happening between her legs, so apparently it wasn’t him.
“Wow. You look…” Neil began, his eyes running the length of her body and back up again. “Amazing. You look amazing.” He pulled her into his arms.
She waited to feel something. Guilt for the last night they’d seen each other and her disappearance act afterwards. Familiarity of being in her high school boyfriend’s arms again. Awkwardness at the situation. Anything.
But she didn’t. She felt numb.
“Hey, Neil. Good to see you.” She patted his back as she eased herself out of his embrace.
He released her after brushing his hands over her hips and squeezing lightly. He’d had the same move when they were teenagers. She’d never particularly liked it then and she wasn’t a huge fan of it now.
“I can’t believe you’re really back,” he said as he continued his head-to-toe appraisal.
“Yep. I’m back.” If it were anyone else looking at her like that, except Nate, she would have felt uncomfortable. Maybe even violated. But this was Neil and although she wasn’t enjoying his perusal, it wasn’t offensive.
“Whoa, do you know there’s a dog in your office?” he asked as he pushed past her and stepped inside uninvited.
She held her hand out like a Price Is Right model displaying a showcase. “Come on in.”
“Thanks!” he responded cheerily, not picking up on her sarcasm as he bent down to pet Farmer’s head before standing again and pointing at the large empty glass aquarium. “What happened to your fish? Did the dog eat them?”
She chuckled, but when he turned and she saw his face she realized that he was serious. Wow. When they were younger she’d honestly believed that he played the role of the dumb jock because he’d been insecure living in the shadow of Nate’s gifted intelligence. Now, she was starting to think it wasn’t an act.
“Uh, no. Farmer didn’t eat the fish. It was like that when we got here.”
“Farmer? Like ‘Farmer in the Dell’?” Neil laughed and bent down and began singing the song to a very unimpressed canine audience.
She didn’t remember Neil being this annoying back in the day. As she looked at him it boggled her mind that she’d spent three years with this man. Willingly.
“I was actually just headed out for the day, but it was really great seeing you.” She was crossing her fingers hoping that he would pick up that she wanted him to leave, but since subtlety wasn’t his strong suit, she wasn’t holding her breath.
“Oh, right.” He stood, and for a glorious moment she thought that he’d picked up on her not-so-thinly veiled message. When he stayed in place her hope deflated like a balloon in a field of cacti.
Putting his hands in his pockets he rocked back slightly on his heels and his eyes didn’t meet hers. It’d been a long time since she’d felt qualified to claim to know Neil well, but she could see that he was clearly nervous about something and a pit formed in her stomach. She silently pleaded that he not bring up the memory of her birthday and the fact that she’d called out his brother’s name when she’d reached her peak and then vamoosed out of town without so much as a goodbye.
Obviously he deserved an apology. She understood that. But that didn’t mean she wouldn’t rather get a root canal from a first year dental student than have this conversation.
He looked down at the ground, still not moving. “I came by to ask you something.”
She braced herself for what that question might be. There were a lot of things he could ask her about the last time they’d seen each other.