Chapter 27
Billy watched as Maxi tried to slide her key into the lock on her apartment door, but her trembling fingers just wouldn’t let the alignment come together. He was doing his best to give her space. He didn’t want to be accused of robbing her of her independence or of trying to take over her life, so as much as it pained him—no, fuck that, infuriated him—he forced himself to stand idly by and watch her try without saying anything.
Tonight had been the biggest test of his life and at this point he wasn’t trying to ace the bastard, he was just trying to get a passing grade. He was trying not to show any emotion, because apparently they were the wrong ones. When he’d told Zach how upset he was that Maxi had gone out into the hall without telling him, his friend had told him he needed to remember who they were talking about. That this was Maxi. That she had always done things on her terms. He’d asked Billy point blank what was going on between them and Billy told him the truth, he loved her. Zach hadn’t missed a beat when he’d told him that he better get used to being frustrated because she was never going to be the girl that wanted to be saved.
When the keys fell to the ground he couldn’t take anymore, he stepped in and took control. He calmly picked them up and smoothly slid the right one into the lock, and pushed the door open. He did all of this without saying anything. It wasn’t that he didn’t have anything to say. He just didn’t think he could get the words out around his clenched jaw.
He pushed the door open with a decisive shove and she walked in ahead of him. Not too far ahead, though. He stayed close enough to her that he could feel her shaking like a leaf, even through her clothes, and his. When he glanced down, he could actually see her knees shaking.
Fuck. He hated that asshole for making her feel like this. Not to mention the very stark reality of the situation—he could’ve lost her. He could’ve actually lost her. That was, he knew, the root of the volcanic anger that was boiling inside him right now—fear. Fear more harsh and terrible than he’d ever felt before. He wasn’t afraid of physical harm, or even death. He risked those, gladly, in the course of his job. He didn’t mind. He’d rather die than live afraid.
But the thought of losing Maxi—especially when it became more than just a concept, but a real possibility, like had happened today? Fuck. That shook him to the core. Made him feel scared and helpless.
But most of all? It made him furious. That was the real reason he was so upset at her. Not because of what she did, but at what her actions could’ve cost her. Cost him. Her life. It was unthinkable and yet when he’d gotten off the phone with Nate and come back into the apartment to find her gone, that’s exactly what happened. He had immediately called Nate back who reran the footage that showed her step out of frame in the hall and then showed a man grab her from behind. He’d thought she was gone.
He didn’t realize how much of his coiled rage was coming off of him in waves, filling the air around them, until she looked up at him with eyes that had aching vulnerability peeking through the strength they always displayed. “Please don’t be mad, Billy,” she said, sounding exhausted. “I can take anything but that. I’m just—it’s been a long day and I’m hanging on but…I just don’t think I can take it if I feel like you’re mad at me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I was stupid and I put myself in danger, if that’s even what you’re mad about. I know that this whole thing has been a lot for you and now that this,” she motioned between the two of them, “is over I’m sure that you want to get on with your life, but just…don’t be mad. Okay?”
He knew that she didn’t deserve his anger, and seeing what it was costing her was like a punch in the gut.
“I’m not mad at you,” he said, his voice coming out as more of a low growl than he intended. He figured it might not be helping his convince-her-I’m-not-pissed-at-her case, but, hell. He couldn’t help the intense protective feelings right then, and he was beyond done when it came to tamping down his feelings for her, or hiding them. “And this is not over.”
“Really?” she asked, in disbelief.
He took a quick step forward and yanked her hard against him. Her eyes widened and she drew in a deep gasp as her arms snaked around his neck.
“I’m not mad,” he asserted, the growl gone from his voice, leaving only a low tone of commanding authority. “I’m fucking terrified. I almost lost you today. I thought I lost you. I can’t lose you. I would be losing the only thing in this whole damn world that means anything to me. When you’re in danger, that means my whole world is in danger. Because you are my world.”
Maxi stared up at him, speechless. Just in case she wasn’t convinced that what he said was true Billy took that opportunity to show her how he felt. Slowly, he lowered his mouth to hers and claimed it in a powerful, desperate kiss that made the blood in his veins rush through his body like a freight train. She kissed him back, meeting his frantic energy.
Needing to be closer to her, to feel her skin against his, he broke their kiss and stripped them both of their shirts and picked her up. Her legs wrapped around his waist as his mouth covered hers again. His hands roamed over her bare skin, touching every inch of her that he could. He let the warmth of her body penetrate him down to the cellular level, and finally convince him that she was really there. She was really okay. She was flesh and blood and pounding heartbeats and panting breaths and exploring tongue and moaning voice and, more than anything, alive. His Maxi. Alive and in his arms. It was like the evidence he saw with his eyes wasn’t enough. He had to prove it with his body.
He didn’t even realize that he was moving them towards the wall until he felt her bump up against it. It didn’t slow him down at all, it didn’t break their rhythm. In fact she didn’t even seem to notice it. Her movements, and her kisses, kept up the same frenzied pace. In fact, if anything they became more intense because now she had something solid to brace herself against, when it came to grinding herself up against his body.
Billy took advantage of having her solidly up against the wall, too. It gave him the ability to move his hands more freely now that he wasn’t the only thing holding her up. He caressed her, moving his hands roughly up and down her body. He was in no frame of mind to be gentle, and from the way she responded to him, she was in no frame of mind to want him to be.
She let her legs suddenly unwrap from his waist, then, and dropped her feet to the floor. He took a step back, wanting to make sure that she wasn’t uncomfortable, or overwhelmed. After all, as many intense emotions as were rushing through him at this moment, she must have twice as many. She had just faced a near-death experience.
But it was nothing like that. When she looked up at him, her face flushed, Billy half expected her to crumble, scream, or cry. Instead she pushed her sweats down and reached for the waist band of his jeans. Her fingers fumbled with the button but he was more than happy to help her. Her need was palpable and he felt the same way. It wasn’t about wanting to see her naked, or press his skin against her skin down the whole length of their bodies, for sexual pleasure. Or…at least it wasn’t only for sexual pleasure. It was a visceral need to be together, and connected, in the closest way that they could physically accomplish.
When they’d both stripped off every bit of clothing from their bodies, Billy knew that he had to have her, right then. Not that he had to push himself into her, not right at that moment. That would come later, and it would be even better for having made himself wait for it. No, right now what he needed was to touch every inch of her, from head to toe. To kiss her, to lick her, to caress her everywhere. He needed to know that there wasn’t one part of her, no matter how small, that he hadn’t claimed. He needed to possess her, to know that she was his. And he needed her to know that, as well.
He dipped his head and trailed kisses down her neck and across her chest. She moaned and threaded her fingers through his hair, gently at first, and then more insistently. By the time his hungry, hot mouth reached her breasts, she was groaning with pent up desire. Her back was arched so that her beautiful nipples were thrust outward, and they were as hard as pebbles. He took first one of them and then the other into his mouth, applying gentle suction to her entire breast and swirling his tongue around that hard, sensitive peak. Her nipples became even harder as he worked them, and her moans turned to whimpers under his mouth’s expert movements.
He drew his head back and looked at the beauty that he created—her breasts were shiny and slick with his saliva, glistening like diamond treasures on her chest. Her nipples were harder than he had ever seen them, standing out prominently and proudly. He had to pause for a moment just to take in the amazing sight of her and commit it to memory. He wanted to always think of her like this—trembling at his touch, completely at his mercy, and filled with the pleasure he was giving her.
The pause didn’t last long, though. His body wouldn’t allow that. Giving in to the raging urges rushing through him, he bent again and started moving his mouth down her belly. The kisses he trailed over that silky, flat expanse were fiery and insistent. He continued his steady movement downward, to the center of pleasure that was his ultimate destination, but he made sure to focus on each inch of her luscious skin as he moved over it. Not only did he love the feel and taste of her flesh, he also loved the way she reacted to each stroke. Her muscles jumped and twitched under his open mouth kisses, her belly and chest grew hot and flushed, and her hands at the back of his head pushed him down more and more insistently with every flick of his talented tongue.
When he was sure that she was ready, he dropped down to one knee and pushed her legs apart. She was shining with glistening wetness. It was clear that her body was primed for him. He was sure that he could bring her to climax with just a few rough strokes. However, that wasn’t what he was going to do. Because he didn’t plan to give her just any old garden-variety orgasm. No, the pleasure he was about to give her was of the life-changing, earth-shattering type. He wanted to make sure that this day was memorable for her in an amazing way, not a frightening one, so he was about to make her forget everything in the world except for the sensations he was sending through her body as he moved his mouth against her pretty sex.
He trailed his fingers lightly up the back of one of her legs, causing her to throw her head back against the wall. “Please… please…” she begged him, the aching need she felt, on naked display in her voice. He didn’t want to keep her waiting one minute longer.
Without one more instant of hesitation, he placed his hands on her backside and lifted her legs, settling them over his shoulder. He looked up at her, a wicked grin spread across his lips and mischief twinkling in his eyes. “Is this what you want?” He asked, keeping his voice intentionally light, no matter how difficult that was. He wanted to get back to them. To their easy banter. Even if it was killing him not to taste her. “Is this what you were asking for? I just want to make sure because…”
“Yes! I want your mouth on me now,” she growled, her hands fisting in his hair and her entire body tensing with frustration.
Fuck. He’d always known that she was adorable when she got angry. Lately, he was finding out that she was also sexy as hell when she got mad. He didn’t feel even a little bit guilty for messing with her when she was so obviously aroused to the point of insanity, and every cell in her body was aching for his touch. Not even a little bit. All he felt was turned on.
The mischievous smirk never leaving his face, he lowered his head and engulfed her sweet core with his hot mouth.