The first time she had sex was even less spectacular than these previous two milestones. Given her condition, birthdays were pretty big accomplishments back then and she’d secretly made a pact with herself that if she made it to eighteen, she was having sex and getting a tattoo on her birthday. She figured go big or go home.
She looked down and ran her thumb over the words inked on each wrist. On her left just and on her right breathe. Afterward she’d met Louis Rickman up at Star Gaze Point, the local lookout spot. She’d known Louis since grade school. He was decent looking and he’d told her he wasn’t a virgin. Looking back though, she was pretty sure he’d lied because he’d fumbled with the condom and then lasted all of two pumps.
All of those experiences had had one thing in common: they were related to her health, or lack thereof. Now, she didn’t have a ticking time bomb that was counting down the seconds until her death. She was free to live her life and date whomever she wanted with only the expectation of eventual death, just like everyone else. It was strange, but certain death did give life an odd clarity that she hadn’t realized she’d feel somewhat lost without.
But she was doing her best to figure it out. She took another sip of her tea and thought about how far she’d come. Over the past few years, she’d moved out on her own, became co-owner of a business, and started to try and dip her toe in the dating pool. Unfortunately, her life wasn’t turning out to be a romantic dramedy. Digital dating was like the Wild West, and Jess felt ill-equipped to navigate it.
She was half-tempted to call in Whisper Lake’s “matchmaking mafiosas” for reinforcements. Mrs. Dobrinski, Mrs. Chen, and Mrs. Weathersby were three women, all in their eighties who founded The Needlepoint Mafia knitting club of which Jessa was a needle-carrying member. Those three women ran the town of Whisper Lake like mob bosses, but instead of ordering hits on people they ordered meet-cutes.
The trio of cupids chose an unwitting subject and then went about creatively throwing that person into random run-ins and compromising situations with potential mates they deemed suitable. For the most part, the ladies never confirmed or denied their shenanigans. But once, after Mrs. Weathersby had had a few too many at the Christmas Festival, she’d let slip that “if” they set people up, their strategy for love connections was throwing noodles against a wall and seeing what stuck.
The matchmaking dons’ current target was the one man Jess knew she’d never end up with who also happened to be the only man she’d ever dreamed of a forever with.
Ethan Steele.
For years, Jess had been battling a private, internal war over what she felt for the man whose caramel eyes, strong shoulders, and deep voice made her insides turn to mush. Where her friend Ali had always admitted to being in love with Kade since they were kids, Jess had always chosen to hide her infatuation with Ethan.
It was a cruel twist of fate that her brain and body were at such odds as to what was good for her where Ethan was concerned. As much as she’d love to give into her base desires, she knew she couldn’t.
Would she and Ethan be compatible between the sheets? If the fireworks she felt every time she saw him, or even thought of him, were any indication, then yes, they absolutely would.
But would they make each other happy? Well, if the frustration and irritation she felt every time she saw him or even thought about him were any indication, she felt safe to say that no, they would not.
He was too overbearing. Too overprotective. Too over…everything. He was just too much.
The way he looked at her was unnerving. He watched her every move, every breath, every smile. He was living out the Police song, but not as stalkery. More like in a concerned friend way. The problem was that she’d spent her whole life being watched with concern. Between her parents and her doctors, everything about her had been studied since she was a small child. She didn’t want to spend the rest of her life under that kind of scrutiny, even if it were Ethan doing the scrutinizing.
Plus, she was still holding a grudge from when he narked on her the first day of high school. She’d left first period to go get her oxygen tank, which she’d stuffed in her locker but should’ve had with her, and on the way passed out in the hall. Of course, he’d been the one to find her. He promised her he wouldn’t tell anyone but then she was called to the nurses’ office the next period. It might not be a big deal to other people, but trust was something that she took very seriously. She’d looked in his eyes when he’d promised her, and he’d lied.
So, as much as she’d love to experience Ethan’s single-minded focus between the sheets, she wasn’t going to let that happen.
“Moving on,” she announced aloud to Elvis and Marilyn who could’ve cared less as she scrolled through the icons on her screen.
She’d heard of a new dating app and decided there was no time like the present to fill out her profile. She’d heard good things and the ads with “real people not actors” had sucked her in.
The white logo punctuated with a heart popped up on her screen.
What are you looking for?Jess silently read the question.
“What am I looking for?”
Even to her own ears, it sounded like a loaded question. She clicked the boxes that provided the most general terms of her qualifications.
Gender: Men. As much as she’d sometimes wished she could bat for the other team because it would give her more options, she was strictly dickly.
Age range. She hesitated before selecting. At twenty-eight she had no desire to date anyone younger than her, nor did she want to date anyone that much older than her. She chose twenty-eight to thirty-two, but then she worried she was limiting her options too much.
Online dating was like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Some people, like those “not actors” on the commercial, were lucky and got pricked on their first attempt while others (herself included) couldn’t seem to get pricked no matter how much searching they did.
But what was her alternative? Not only was the Whisper Lake dating pool the size of a dog bowl, it was also limited to people that she’d either known her entire life or knew everything about because any newcomers were immediately vetted and their life stories were loaded on the gossip train and distributed through town.
This time of year there was always a new crop of tourists, but she considered them more of a fling-type situation. They generally didn’t come to the lake to find true love. She checked out the drop-down menu options. Her choices were committed relationship, casual relationship, or just here for fun.
It was an odd thing to ponder considering up until a couple of years ago, she’d been living on borrowed time. When you never expect to see thirty, planning for the future isn’t necessary.
But since receiving her new heart, and lease on life everything had changed. It had taken a little bit to adjust. But she was starting to.
The honest answer was that what she wanted was the kind of true love that was as rare as a unicorn. Some people didn’t believe that the magical beasts existed, but she’d grown up in the same house as the single-horned creature in the form of her happily married parents.