“Nope. That’s been a lot better.” Since Jess stopped having caffeine after lunch, she’d been sleeping like a baby.
It was Brynn who’d pointed out to her that a cup of coffee to get over her midday slump and then a soda with dinner wasn’t exactly giving her body what it needed for a good night’s sleep. And since she’d cut down, her nights had been a lot more restful.
Dr. Richmond did all the doctor things that doctors do, checked her glands, had her open up and say “ah,” listened to her heartbeat, and asked her a series of questions before smiling, something he rarely did. “Okay, everything looks good. If you don’t have any questions or concerns, we’ll see you back in six months.”
Jess felt a little panic rise in her. “Six months. Great.”
He left, and as she grabbed her bag and started back down the hallway, she did her best to ignore the anxiety that filled her. It had been happening more and more frequently lately.
When she got to the front desk, the receptionist, Lorraine, looked up and smiled at her. “When does the doctor want to see you again, love?”
“Six months,” Jess answered and her chest tightened again.
As Lorraine made the appointment and filled out a reminder card, Jess realized why she was feeling so stressed. Not seeing Dr. Richmond for six months would be the longest she’d ever gone without seeing a doctor.
Her life wasn’t just making it until the next doctor’s appointment as it had been for so long. And if that was the case, then what was it?
She was, basically, healthy. At twenty-eight, she was as healthy as she’d ever been and probably would be. A miracle had happened and she had the chance at a real life. And the question that haunted her was, what was she doing with it?
A man held the door open for her. As she walked through, his eyes dropped to her upper arm, and he commented, “Nice bird.”
“Thanks.” On her nineteenth birthday, she’d gotten a colorful peacock on her left arm, much to her dad’s dismay.
It was partly born out of rebellion, but mostly it was a way for her to feel ownership over her body. All of her life, her body had been broken. She’d been poked and prodded and filled with medications, none of it anything she had control over. Getting inked had given her control.
After getting ‘Just Breathe’ on her wrists for her eighteenth birthday and the peacock a year later, getting a tattoo on her birthday had become a tradition. It was a way to celebrate surviving another year. She was due for another soon, and for the first time since she’d begun the ritual, she had no idea what she was going to get. Typically, she had several designs that she was deciding between, but this year nothing was speaking to her.
Her phone buzzed, and she pulled it out expecting to see a message from her dad. She’d planned on calling him on the drive home but wasn’t surprised that he’d beat her to the punch. But the text wasn’t from her dad. It was from Ethan. It said that he’d run into her dad and found out she had a doctor’s appointment and he was checking in to see if everything was okay.
Irritation flooded her. This was one of the reasons she knew that they wouldn’t work out. She didn’t want to be “the sick girl.” The girl that people had to take care of. That’s the only way he’d ever see her.
Perhaps it had something to do with their first interaction. Her being unconscious upon first meeting probably set the tone for their relationship. She’d tried to be a badass and not use her oxygen, but halfway through first period, she’d known she’d made a grave mistake. She’d almost made it to her locker before she’d blacked out.
The next thing she knew, she’d opened her eyes and Ethan was kissing her. At least, that’s what her foggy brain had thought when his mouth was on hers. It took her a moment, but then she’d realized that he was trying to resuscitate her. She’d begged, begged, him to let her go back to class and not say anything.
She’d thought she was in the clear but during the next period, a voice came over the intercom and asked her to go to the nurses’ office. The nurse was there, and her mom showed up ten minutes later. The principal said that a student reported that she’d passed out in the hallway. Ethan had never admitted that he’d snitched, but she knew it had to be him.
After that day, everything he’d done had rubbed her the wrong way. Mainly because she’d wanted him to rub her the right way. It wasn’t really his fault that he told the nurse. That’s just who he was. He was a good guy.
Her friends were right. Ethan was a real-life hero…he just wasn’t her hero.