He walked around the corner and through the dining room and stopped at the entryway to the kitchen.
Ali was picking up several pans as she cursed beneath her breath. She looked so small and vulnerable in the center of the large, out-of-date kitchen. Her hands were shaking and she dropped a lid as she tried to balance everything and stand.
His first instinct was to pick her up and hold her in his arms, but since he’d like to have children someday, he figured that wasn’t a good idea. If he tried to touch Ali right now he was fairly certain she would knee him in his baby maker.
Since that was off the table he did the next best thing. He started to bend down and help but she swatted his hand away.
“Don’t,” she snapped as she scooped up the fallen dishware and tossed them in the sink.
She turned back toward him and the look on her face nearly killed him. Holding up both hands in front of her with her palms facing him, she spoke with heartbreaking conviction. “You can’t do this.”
“Do what?” He figured she didn’t mean help her pick up dishes.
“This.” Her arms flailed in the air. “Show up unannounced and hand out expensive gifts like fucking Santa Claus. It’s not fair. You can’t just waltz back into our lives like nothing happened.”
“I know.” He’d debated for several days on what the best way would be to do this. Finally, he’d landed on the rip the Band-Aid off method. He was hoping for fast and painless but that didn’t seem to be how it was working out.
“If you know, then what the hell are you doing here?”
“I meant that I know it’s not fair.”
Her brow furrowed and it seemed possible he’d just pissed her off more. She lowered her arms and he saw her hands fist at her sides as she took a deep breath. “Where the hell have you been?”
Kade’s heart was beating so fast and so hard that he was half expecting it to crash out of his chest like the Kool-Aid Man as he stared at the one person that meant more to him than any other. He’d known this moment was coming and he thought he’d been ready for it. He’d rehearsed what he’d say so many times that he’d actually been concerned that he wouldn’t sound sincere. But now that the moment was here the words weren’t coming to his brain. “I was—”
“No!” She lifted her hand, halting his explanation. “Stop. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t care. It doesn’t matter where you were. Want to know why? Because you weren’t here. You didn’t call. You didn’t—”
“I’m sorry, Ali,” he said lamely.
It wasn’t enough. He knew it wasn’t even in the parking lot of the ballpark of being enough, but it was true.
“For what exactly? You’re going to have to be a little bit more specific. Are you sorry for showing up at Patrick’s funeral shitfaced with a—and I mean this with the utmost respect for prostitutes—whore?”
He thought about pointing out that while Sabrina’s occupation was an escort, she had actually been his girlfriend at the time and she wasn’t accompanying him in a professional capacity, but he didn’t figure that would make any difference.
“Orare you apologizing for getting into a fight with the caterer at the reception?”
That asshole had it coming.Kade overheard him talking to his friend about how funerals were the best place to pick up women and how he was planning on, “banging the dead dude’s hot sister in the—” Kade’s fist made contact with that douchebag’s face before he could finish his thought.
“Ordoes this bout of contrition have something to do with you taking off after hearing that you—,” she poked him in his chest, her voice lowered to a barely audible level as she stepped closer to him, “—are just as responsible for the boys as I am? Which one of those specifically are you apologizing for? Or is it just your blatant disregard for people? Narcissistic self-centeredness? Pathetic immaturity? Lack of any consideration for anyone but yourself? Or just generally for being an asshole?”
It was all of that, but as Kade looked into Ali’s amber gaze he knew what he was the most sorry about. “I’m sorry I hurt you. You and the boys are the last people in this world that I would ever want to—”
“Stop.” She shook her head as if she didn’t believe him. He could see that her entire body was shaking. She took a step back and her heel hit the cabinet door that was open. “I don’t want to hear it. I can’t hear it. I can’t do this. I can’t…”
His heart broke as her words trailed off and when he saw the bottom of her lids fill with unshed tears something snapped in him and overrode any common sense or self-protective impulses he had. Lifting his arms slowly, he started to approach her with the same caution he would a trapped animal.
“I know I’m putting my life in great risk by doing this, but, I’m going to hug you right now.”
With that, he moved slowly toward her. She didn’t yell or move away or even try to land a punch. She allowed him to close the distance between them and did the only thing that he’d wanted to do for the last year and a half. He pulled her into his arms and held her.
At first it was like hugging a mannequin. Stiff and uncomfortable. But then something happened. With an exhale her body relaxed and she molded against him. He closed his eyes and for the first time in what felt like forever, he could breathe. He felt his shirt dampen with her tears as she silently cried in his arms.
“Ali,” he spoke her name with raspy desperation.
He closed his eyes and tightened his grip, wanting to show her that he was here now. That she wasn’t alone. That he was sorry. She might not want to hear him say any of those things but he could show her.
Unfortunately, the sound of elephants stampeding caused her to push out of his embrace before he could communicate any of those unspoken sentiments.