“It’s not that. It’s just…I miss him.” A single tear slid down Ricky’s cheek and Kade’s heart shattered. “And sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror or in a picture I see him. I know Aunt Ali does, too. And KJ. I see it when they look at me. I know that they see him, too.”
Fuck.Kade hadn’t thought about it like that. That must be a heavy burden to bear. Kade pulled out the seat across from him and sat down. “That sucks. Everything about your dad being gone just…fucking sucks.”
Ricky’s eyes widened as he stared blankly at Kade for several beats before a smile spread across his face and he started laughing. Several more tears fell down his cheeks as he continued cracking up.
Shit. Panic gripped Kade. Had he just broke the kid? Had Ali left for one night and he’d caused Ricky to have a nervous breakdown?
“It does suck!” Ricky wiped his cheeks as his laughter died down. “No one has said that, but it does. When I told my therapist she told me that I was my own person. I had my own identity. She gave me breathing exercises to do when I felt sad. But, none of that helped. I know I’m my own person. I know that I have my own identity. I know how to breathe, even when I’m sad.” Ricky sniffed. “But the truth is, it just sucks. That’s it.”
“Yeah. It does.” Kade felt his own eyes swelling with emotion. “But hey, at least your dad looked like Chris Hemsworth and not Chris Farley.”
“Chris who?”
Being around the twins made him feel every single one of his thirty-two years.
“Never mind.”
“Let’s go!” KJ called out as he ran down the stairs.
Ricky put his book in his backpack, stood up, and wrapped his arms around Kade’s shoulders and hugged him tightly. “Thanks.”
“Any time.” Kade squeezed him back, trying his best not to cry like a baby.
Kade heard the door open and KJ yelled impatiently, “Come on!”
Ricky took a deep breath before dropping his arms and straightening. “See you tomorrow. Make sure Aunt Ali eats something. She forgets sometimes.”
“Will do,” Kade assured him as the kid walked out of the kitchen.
He might not be able to bring Patrick back, or make up for not being here the past year and a half, but he could make sure that Ali ate. That he could do.
Of course, tonight he was sure that she was eating. She was eating with Keaton Mills.
He knew he should be happy for her. He should be glad that she was with a good guy that KJ loved. He should be relieved that she’d found someone that she could have a future with.
But he wasn’t happy, glad, or relieved. He wanted Ali for himself. He wanted to be with her, to raise the boys with her, to start a family with her. Not some other guy. Him.
And he didn’t know what in the hell he was going to do about it. He might not have an answer for that, but he did have one for draining some of the frustrated energy that was consuming him. There was a speed bag in the basement and it was calling his name.