Even without a proper conversation, I could tell he was in a weird and sulky mood, likely riddled with guilt. He’s been blowing up my phone since he left, apology, justification, apology, rant, apology. It’s exhausting. But I put Nate and his worries to the back of my mind while I deal with my second—maybe joint first—favorite man.
Punching in the code when he shouts come in, I find Henry on the floor surrounded by paints and a huge canvas. I’m careful not to interfere with his process as I sit beside him, but I’m close enough that he has to face me. “Henry, is there anything you want to talk about?”
His head shakes, a definitive no. It’s a very determined but unconvincing no, but his looks in my direction get more frequent after a while until he eventually puts down his paintbrush. “I can’t stop thinking about it.”
“Tell me why. They checked me over so many times, I promise I’m fine.”
“I started googling statistics of people who fall through frozen lakes, then those who die because of it. Then somehow, I ended up on people who get severely injured figure skating, and I couldn’t stop looking at all these things that might happen to you.”
“Oh, Henry.”
“I can’t stop obsessing over it, Anastasia. You nearly died. I don’t know how to make it stop.”
“I’m sorry I scared you. I was scared, too, but I promise you I’m healthy, and it won’t happen again.”
“Please don’t skate on frozen stuff outdoors anymore.”
“I promise I won’t, but I need you to promise me you will stop looking at statistics. Do you need a hug?”
Thinking about my offer, he chews on his lip a little, but then he again shakes his head. “No. I promise to try to stop looking, I just can’t sometimes. It’s like, once it’s in my head, it burrows and burrows, and then I can’t get it out. I hate it about myself, and I don’t know why I have to do it.”
“You know I love you, right? And that there isn’t one single thing that I hate about you.”
“I know you do, and that’s why I worry about you. I’ve never had what we have before.” His confession shocks the words right out of me. “I don’t want to lose it.”
I watch him paint until I have no choice but to get ready for my meeting with Aaron, and even then, leaving him is hard.
* * *
It feelslike I’m going to a job interview as I walk through the entrance toward Brady’s office.
Aaron looks as uncomfortable and nervous as I do, which makes me feel a little better. Brady’s office is small, but the table is big enough for me and Aaron to sit opposite each other, with Coach to our side like some divorce attorney.
“Thanks for coming, Stassie. I know I don’t deserve your time.”
Brady immediately groans. “Let’s not get dramatic straight off the bat, Aaron.”
I try to stay indifferent and not react. “You have my attention. What do you want to say?”
“I’ve been cruel to you and you didn’t deserve it.” He sits up straight in his chair, flexing his fingers. “I haven’t been the partner, or the friend, you deserve.”
“You know what you haven’t said to my face yet?”Stay calm.“You haven’t said sorry. You haven’t said I’m sorry, Stassie. I’m sorry I’ve slut-shamed you. I’m sorry I created a situation so toxic you moved out. I’m sorry I bad-mouthed you to everyone.”
“Anastasia, please,” Brady says, clearing her throat. “We’re here to fix things. I know how much you both care about each other, let’s focus on that.”
“He said nobody would be abl—” My voice cracks. “He said nobody would be able to love me when my birth parents couldn’t. Did he tell you that, Coach? When he said he wanted to fix things?”
“Aaron.” Brady’s face pales, her voice strains. “Please tell me you di—”
He buries his head in his hands. “It’s true, Coach. I said it all and worse. I’m so sorry, Anastasia.”
“I’ve defended you so much, Aaron. When your behavior made people think you were toxic, I told them you were misunderstood.At the same time, you were calling me a bad skater and telling people I was trying to trap Nate with a baby because I’m poor. Do you even realize how fucked up that is? What have I done to make you hate me?”
That’s enough to get his attention and he finally looks up at me again. His face is blank; he’s calculating the appropriate reaction, because he definitely didn’t know I knew that. “My Dad had another affair. Got this one pregnant and Mom finally kicked him out. She’s our age, Stas. Do you know how sick that is? I’m going to have a sibling and their mom is someone I could have dated.”
“Your mom doesn’t deserve to be treated like that. She never has done, but I don’t understand what this has to do with me?”
“You haven’t been around! I needed you, needed your support, and you’ve been nowhere. You’ve been partying and hanging around with guys you don’t even like. I felt alone and it made me so mad at you.”