‘Well, I’m game,’ said Finn. ‘What do you say, Little One?’
Tammy didn’t even need to think. ‘Let’s have an adventure!’
Oh, the world is beautiful. Oh, Texas is wonderful.
The green of it. So much life, sprouting upward towards the warm sun. The running water and the hills and the fresh air and the feeling.
In the evening, sandwiched between the Healy twins, watching the dancing flames of the campfire, Tammy managed to forget about her problems. Just.
When they’d arrived at the trailer park, Tammy had been gobsmacked.
‘These aren’t trailers, these are palaces on wheels!’
‘Technically, thesearetrailers,’ Conor had assured her. ‘They’re vintage. Refurbished. This one’s a 1961 Airstream.’ He lay his hand on the side of the gorgeous, chrome-clad vacation machine. ‘And she’s gonna be our home for the night.’
Tammy had been thrilled when she entered the trailer. Pink retro furniture, gingham curtains, solar-powered electrical sockets, a clean toilet, and running water. It was luxury compared to Liberty! In a cupboard in the living area, Tammy had found a pack of playing cards and some board games. So naturally, she and the twins had spent a few hours playing together, before settling down for a cozy evening in front of the fire.
‘I’ll get the grill going,’ Conor said, standing up. ‘Damn, look at the stars.’
Tammy looked up at the vast array of twinkling pinpricks in the sky. It was beautiful. How strange to be so tiny but to feel so strongly.
‘Kinda wish Shay was here,’ Finn said. ‘He’d cook up something amazing on the grill. He’s the fecking master.’
‘He’s a schemin’ bastard,’ Conor snapped. ‘We don’t need him.’
But as Tammy watched Finn struggle to get the grill sorted, she had a feeling that they reallydidneed him. Not because of the food or any other practical things, but because they were brothers. They needed him like they needed the fresh air.
The Healy twins would never be happy, never be whole, if Shay wasn’t part of their lives, regardless of their issues.
Question was, could Tammy be a part of their lives if Shay had to be in her life, too?
Would he ever be able to accept her? To leave her be?
For years, she’d wondered about him. About what their relationship actuallywas. At times, she’d thought about asking him to join in their relationship. At other times she’d been convinced he hated her. It was exhausting to think about.
So much easier just to relax into the moment and forget her worries.
Except… she couldn’t. Now she was thinking about Shay and her father, all her doubts and worries came back.
Maybe she’d been stupid to think she could set up the doctor’s practice all by herself. She was probably going to end up killing someone.
Finn coughed as the smoke from the campfire intensified.
She’d probably got his diagnosis wrong. He probably had some terrible disease that she’d completely missed.
‘You alright, Tamster?’ Finn asked as his brother flipped something meaty above the fire.
‘No,’ she said. ‘I’ve been trying to have fun all day, but I feel sad.’
‘How come?’
All the anger and self-hate she’d bottled up over the years flooded her brain. She wasn’t a good doctor, and she was a freak — a grown woman who played with toys, for goodness sake. She had no right to happiness.
‘Because,’ she sniffed. ‘I’m a shitty person. I’m totally, utterly useless. A freak. Pathetic. I can’t cope with anything. I’ve run away — again. Not brave enough to face up to my own father. Not brave enough to face up to who I am.’
Finn’s expression changed. ‘Conor,’ he said. ‘Stop burning whatever it is you’re burning. We’ve got a serious situation here.’
‘It’s simple. We’re going to play a game ofDaddies’ True or False.’