Tammy realized that she had no idea what her father had just asked her. Finn was waiting outside. He’d asked Tammy if she’d wanted him to stay in the room, but she’d said no.
Why did you say no? You need Finn right now. Actually, you know the reason. It’s because you’re ashamed. You’re still ashamed of who you are, and you’re doubly ashamed of your father.
‘I’m waiting, Tamsin.’ He was wearing an olive green tweed suit. He’d told her once that he hated tweed. The only reason he wore it was because people expected it of him. ‘So much of being a doctor is about keeping up appearances, Tamsin,’ he’d said. ‘You have to be professional, even if you feel like you’re falling apart on the inside.’
Eventually, she gave in. ‘What did you ask?’
His eyes narrowed. ‘Can’t remember a simple question? This is very worrisome. Have you been taking the pills I prescribed you?’
‘No. I-I don’t need them. I’m not suffering f-from psychosis.’ The stutter was back, of course. For the millionth time, Tammy wished she was a different person.
‘Are you serious?’ He looked around the room. Looked at the stuffies. At the Rainbow Brite posters. At the My Little Pony lamp. ‘This world that you’re living in. Itisa psychosis. Well. This ends now. You’re coming back with me.’
‘N-no.’
There was a grim look on his face. ‘You’re lucky thatoneof these good-for-nothing Healy brothers had the presence of mind to find me and tell me where you were.’
All of a sudden, it felt as though someone had dropped an anvil on her heart. ‘What?’
‘Shay.’ There was something about the way her father said that name that seemed off. ‘He contacted me — thank goodness. Told me where you were, and that you were spending time with… the other two.’
She couldn’t believe that Shay had told her dad. She knew he hated her, but this was the biggest breach of trust that she’d ever experienced. Her relationship was private. And Liberty was meant to be a sanctuary. It was secret. Sacred. That’s what Conor and Finn had said. That’s what Haze had said.
Her lip trembled. ‘I’m staying here. This is my home now.’
‘What even is this hellhole?’ he said. ‘Some kind of pervert village? You’re living in a broken-down nightmare town. No hospital, no public services of any sort. No nothing.’
‘This place will be wonderful one day.’
‘You sound like you’ve been brainwashed. Like you’ve joined some kind of cult.’
She could feel the tears falling down her cheeks. ‘It’s not a cult. It’s the f-first place I have ever felt that I b-b-belong. And Haze is a great guy. He’s got dreams for this place that you couldn’t understand.’ As she spoke, she realized just how much shedidsound like someone who’d been brainwashed, someone whohadjoined a cult.
Fuck.
Had she joined a cult?
No, Tammy. It’s just your father, doing what he always does. Getting into your head and ruining your life. Don’t let him do it. Be strong. Think about your Daddies.
‘And the Healy twins are good people.’
Her father was pacing now, just like he did at home when he was thinking something through. She used to watch him through a fuzzy glass panel in his surgery, pacing up and down as he considered the illnesses of patients.
He stopped, turned sharply to look at her. ‘They’re behind this, aren’t they? Finn and Conor? They brought you here?’
‘Actually, no,’ she said. ‘I came here all by myself. After you th-threw me out.’
‘I’m giving you another chance. Come with me. Take your pills. If you do as I say, you can join me in the family practice. Forget about this.’ He picked up a stuffie from a pile on the floor — one of her oldest, best friends, who was a lion simply called Lion — and looked at it. ‘It’s time to forget all these childish things and become a grown-up, Tamsin.’
He’d never understand. He’d never understand that the things he thought of as childish were the very things that she relied upon to function in the adult world. No matter how smart or insightful her dad thought he was, he’d never, ever get it.
And that hurt. Because despite all the bullying and all the bullshit, deep down, she still loved him. She couldn’t help it. He was her dad. And how on earth are you meant to not love your dad?
‘Iama grown-up. And I’m staying here.’
‘You know,’ he said, giving her a strange look, ‘there are things you should know about those brothers.’
‘They tell me everything,’ she said defiantly.