“Why not? Did you not like it?” Kat didn’t have the same ‘gotcha’ voice that Garrison had when he asked questions—that leading voice that said he already knew the answer. It was more like Kat was really wondering, that she needed Sunny to tell her.
It made it easier to tell Kat the truth. “No, that’s not it. I did enjoy it—too much, probably.”
“Ohhh,” Kat said, dragging out the sound as if it had all come together. “So you’re at that stage of ‘I like it but I shouldn’t like it, so I’m going to pretend like I don’t because it’s easier’?”
It sounded so stupid when Kat said it out loud, didn’t it? “You don’t understand,” Sunny pressed. “It isn’t just them—it isn’t just this. I’vedonethis before, and it almost destroyed me. It’s not smart for me to get involved, to risk that all again.”
Kat paused, tilting her head. “Look, I’m not going to tell you what to do. I’m not going to tell you that Connor, Trent and Garrison are perfect or that they’re worth taking that risk for or anything like it. If there’s one thing I’ve worked out through all of this, it’s that we’ve got to decide that on our own. What I can tell you is that I get it—I’ve been there. I’ve had this same struggle and had to figure out if things are worth it, if men are ever worth it long term. But…” She paused, then let out a slow sigh. “Going to bed alone sucks. Leaving the club week after week on my own hurts. If I had a chance at something real, at something deep, boy, I’d grab that with my greedy little hands and I wouldn’t ever let it go.”
Sunny watched the other woman, at how Kat’s jovial attitude slipped and the frayed edged of her pride and resolve crumbled. Suddenly it wasn’t the bubbly troublemaker, the vixen from Sanctuary, the sub who seemed in control of everything—it was a woman who didn’t have the life she really wanted.
Before she had to say something, though, Kat peered up with another smile, one that was tired but still seemed real, as if she didn’t pretend her pain didn’t exist but just let other things bury it. “Enough about men. I saw the SUV outside. Can you drive that thing or is it just for looks?”
“Of course I can drive it.”
“Then who needs boys? Let’s go off-roading.”
And Sunny realized a little fun with a girlfriend wasexactlywhat she needed.
* * * *
The sun had dipped below the mountains by the time Sunny pulled the vehicle back into her driveway. She’d spent hours on the back roads with Kat, enjoying the scenery, the chance to just have a friend.
It was then that she’d realized that while she spent a lot of time with other women, both employees and people who needed to use the shelter, it was always in a working relationship. It was friendly enough, but it wasn’t personal.
Kat was the firstrealfriend she’d made since Tanner.
And she’d had no idea she’d needed it so badly. Just one afternoon with Kat had made her feel lighter, freer. They’d laughed, they’d talked, they’d just relaxed and had fun.
For the first time in years, Sunny felt like a real, full person instead of someone just trying to get by. Even better, Kat’s stories were wonderful. She was more than willing to spill every detail about the men, and it seemed they had enough history for there to be plenty to share.
They were in the middle of one such story, and Sunny couldn’t help smiling at it.
“Then Connor actually stuttered. Full on, flustered stuttering!” Kat slapped her hand on her knee, barely able to get out the words between her laughter.
“I can’t imagine him ever doing that,” Sunny admitted as she put the car into park in front of the house.
“Well, to be fair, Ihadjust told him his scary Dom voice sounded like one of those voice modulators kids play with. I don’t think he was used to brats at that time. It was back when he first started going, and he didn’t have the other two for backup.”
Sunny grinned as she filed away that story, as she had so many others, like little pieces of the men’s past that they’d never shared themselves. Hearing it from Kat made them real. They were people, not just scary Doms with scarier costumes.
They walked toward the front door, Kat already saying she’d need to use the restroom then head on home. It made Sunny admit the house would be a bit lonelier without the boisterous woman.
“Maybe we can get together again soon? I really had a good time,” Kat said, and whether it was because she’d noticed Sunny’s disappointment or because she really wanted to hang out again, Sunny didn’t care.
The locks clicked as Sunny turned her keys, undoing each one until she could push open the door.
But…Spike didn’t rush up.
A moment of dread hit her, a fear that made her throat tighten and threaten to close. Spike wasalwaysat the door when she got home, always waiting for her.
“Spike?” Sunny called into the darkness, fumbling blindly for the switches.
Light bathed the room, and Kat gasped first, when the sight was too horrific for Sunny to process right away.
The back slider was open, frame bent, glass broken, and Spike lay in front of it, not moving, in a puddle of blood.