Darren's expression darkened. I wished there was more I could do to reassure him. However, I was speaking the truth. I did not know what we should do next. All we could do was handle things as they came. Whichever way that may be.
Head bowed, Darren moved toward the door. I grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks.
There was one thing I could do for him.
Darren lifted his gaze to me, an expectant look in his eyes.
I pulled him close and grasped the back of his neck, my fingers tugging at the strands of his black hair. Darren's eyes widened and then his body relaxed against mine.
"That's it," I soothed, allowing my free hand to wander down his body to cup him over his pants. "We both need this tonight."
Darren inclined his head. "Of course, master."
I jerked his head back, stretching out the line of his neck. "You will speak when spoken to."
Darren said nothing. He knew the game well.
"Well?"
Eyes down, Darren answered, "Yes, master."
"Good." I released his head abruptly. "Remove my clothing."
Without a word, Darren reached for my tie, undoing the knot and pulling it loose. He laid it across the chair next to us making sure it was smoothed out before continuing. I had already removed my jacket so he only had my shirt to remove now. I watched Darren closely as he undid each button with precise movements.
I could undress myself. We both knew it. Sometimes it wasn’t about what one could do or couldn’t. It was about control. Giving up your control to someone else so you did not have to think for a moment. It was especially important when your mind and body was so full of emotion that you could not find an outlet for it. That was all this was. A release we both needed because where else would we get it?
When Darren had me fully unclothed, I waited without a word while he finished folding them on the chair. He then turned to me waiting for my next order.
“Kneel.”
Darren silently dropped to his knees, placing his hands on his lap, his eyes down on the ground.
“Look at me.”
His gaze lifted from the floor and locked with mine. I brushed a hand over his hair and cupped his chin, tracing a finger over his lips until he opened his mouth. I dipped my finger into his mouth, touching the line of his teeth before removing it. Darren let me do all this without protest, his face a doll-like calm I hadn’t seen on him in quite a while. I supposed Piper had something to do with that. She had changed all of us it seemed. Whether we knew it or not.
“Touch me,” I ordered not telling him precisely where. Darren didn’t need to be told though, he knew exactly what I wanted and where. After all these years, it was easy for us. Like a play we had seen a hundred times. It never got old.
As Darren’s hand stroked my length and then cupped my testicles, I let out a grunt of encouragement. His grip grew firmer, his strokes more sure of themselves. Each stroke of my length and his hand quickened until I gripped the back of his head with a gasp, “Stop.”
Darren’s hand stilled instantly.
“Open your mouth.”
Darren complied, leaning into it as I brought my cock toward his face. My hand stayed in his hair as he took me in between his lips, suctioning his cheeks around me. I sighed into the feeling, knowing only one other person who could make me feel this way. I wanted her here now with us. It wasn’t fair that she was the one who had to suffer every time. She was the one who always paid the price for us.
With each thought, I thrust myself into Darren’s mouth. He took it all without complaint though his eyes watered at some point. When I saw, I eased up, forcing myself to slow down or risk hurting him. My mind wouldn’t calm. All I could think about was Piper and how this would affect her. Perhaps, Darren was right and I hadn’t thought this through before letting her volunteer once more to save us.
“Stop,” I gasped, jerking myself away from Darren. I sank onto the chair, crinkling my clothing as I did. Darren stared up at me not questioning my sudden actions.
I grasped both arms of the chair and stared out the office window at the night sky. How had it all come to this? Was I even worthy of leading this family any more?
After a long moment, I turned back to Darren and said, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for it all.”