Despite some people being there to seek medical attention, others were there for a place to sleep or to seek out their next fix. People continued to stop and stare as we made our way to the elevators. I had forgotten we were dressed in our wedding attire. Like me, Arjen ignored the scanning eyes and concentrated on what was in front of us.
Once we stepped onto the stuffy elevator that had what appeared to be remnants of a blood splatter mark on the back wall, I hit the fourth-floor button before allowing my eyes to fall close.
“Are you okay?” Arjen asked, closing the space between us. He stood close enough for his warmth to wrap around me, but he didn’t touch.
“I’m good. Sometimes seeing this gives me a crisis of conscience, knowing the job that I do is a direct cause of some of it.”
His head shook in the negative. “None of this is your fault. You didn’t ask for this life. You were born into it same as I was. And although it doesn’t make it right, I know about some of the things you do to level the playing field while others in your position could care less.”
“What do you think you know about me? Did you sneak a peek into my business?”
His smile grew wide as his lips flashed a cute crooked bend.
“I did. I know about the charities you contribute to, the scholarships you support, the orphanage, and a host of others saintly-like tasks others in your position don’t give a shit about, much less think about.”
“Maybe I’m soothing my guilt?”
He tossed me a playful side-eye.
“You must be cruel to be kind; thus bad begins, and worse remains behind,” he stated, quoting Shakespeare, and again adding another point to the collection he was stacking with me.
“The fact that you feel guilt is a good thing, and the most important thing. I feel it, more often than people might think, but we can’t allow people to see that side of us. Those on the outside looking in have no idea that people like us actually have feelings and often feel things with far more depth than anyone else.”
Wow!His words had me realizing that he had way more depth than I had given him credit for. We grew quiet as the straining hum, and squeaking cables of the elevator sounded.
We had no trouble getting the attention of the ward nurse after we stepped off the elevator. Once I gave her my cousin’s name, she checked my identification, gave us his room number, and pointed us in the right direction.
The tips of my fingers shoved my cousin’s cracked door open. The hissing sound of the machines Rayland was hooked up to greeted us when we eased into the room. He was out. Oxygen, a feeding tube, and various other tubes and wires ran from his hand, mouth, and arms.
His boney chest rose and fell in time with the hiss and clap of the machine’s rhythm. Arjen stared down at him momentarily before running a soothing hand up and down my back.
“Take as much time as you need. I’ll wait over there.”
I nodded, and although I wasn’t used to having someone at my side other than Desiree, I was glad he was around.
He stepped away to give us privacy, walking to the windows and observing the view of the broken streets that I had grown up in. A folded blanket and pillow sat atop the couch near the window, which must have been the spot my cousin’s girlfriend had held.
My fingers curled around Rayland’s limp hand before I cupped it. He was the walking definition of ahard-head-making-a-soft-ass. Desiree and I had done everything we could think of to help him. Multiple rehabilitation clinics, an intervention, a couple of good ass whippings from me, but it seemed his love for drugs was the strongest force in his life.
If he survived, I would pull out my last resort to attempt to help him.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Rayland? Do you hate yourself so much that using drugs is all that brings you happiness?”
The way my grip squeezed around his hand was probably too tight, but he had me angry enough to hit him, even on his deathbed.
“When you wake up, I’m beating your ass. What the fuck were you thinking?”
Although my teeth sank deep enough into my bottom lip to take off a chunk, it failed to help contain my building anger. “That’s right, you don’t think until after the damage is done. You have that in common with your brother. Why can’t you be like your sister? The girl’s been through hell in this family and is always the first to offer a friendly smile and a helping hand.”
Arjen remained silent while I spoke to my cousin, encouraging him one moment and scolding and cursing him out the next. I traced a delicate finger along his clammy cheek.
“Everything is going to be all right. I’ll have a nice surprise for you when you wake up,” I promised him.
When the nurse and doctor entered to check his vitals, I gave them the space they needed to do their jobs. The doctor left me with a troubling medical update, informing that it had taken three rounds with a defibrillator to get Rayland’s heart back. He’d had fluid in his lungs and pulmonary edema, which had put him in respiratory distress. Continuous fluids and Naloxone was his lifeblood, and only time would tell if he made a full recovery.
Arjen returned and placed a calming hand on my back before rubbing it soothingly up and down. Neither of us said a word to each other, but some type of communication was being shared anyway. His behavior with me didn’t match the rumors and details I had been able to confirm that built his reputation of pure savagery.
Our heads jerked in the direction of the door when Desiree tore through it in tears. Khane was right behind her. His presence added to his brother’s and filled up the space of the room. Desiree marched in and slung her arms around my neck as she cast a sorrowful glare across my shoulder at her helpless brother.
I didn’t offer her any words of comfort, only the warmth of my tight hug. The grim look that was on the doctor’s face when he was quoting Rayland’s prognosis earlier insinuated that he was in bad shape, therefore I refused to give Desiree false hope. Also, I knew Rayland. Even after a scare like this, he would go right back to using.
“I’m going to stay with him. I’ll call you if anything changes,” Desiree said, backing out of our hug.
“Okay,” I replied, before she took cautious steps to her brother.
How was I supposed to help my cousin without inflicting some level of hurt on him?